Shadows of Life

"Welcome to my personal space. Please read, enjoy and don't forget to comment - Life is too short to wake up with regrets."

Down Memorylane!

22:07 Posted by Shadows of life

AHA!!!! New year is going to be here soon...lets see how was my 2007:

Like 32 previous years of my life, this year was wonderful too...I had new experiences and new fun moments and this time I was in New Country too, which has put its own spices into my life. One whole month is still in front of me, but it feels like time is running away...faster than Air and Light, so here is my 2007...

2007- A year, which is slipping away...slowly slowly, but at the same time running away too:

A wonderful year for me and my husband, another year to grow with myself. In the earlier months of 2007 Migration to US did felt a bit weird as I was alone & US didn't felt my own, but over the months these situations helped me understand myself. I Missed India, cried for it, wrote a lot about it and now getting over the crying part, not the missing & writing part though :)

On one level, it was a great feeling to have somethings and on another level that specific thing bothered me. I matured enough inside me more than outside in last one year that sometimes I wonder if I am the same girl, who was always bubbly and funny almost every second. I had lived some gracious moments and some embarrassed ones of my life in past but in last one year all those seems more useless, I have stopped wearing makeup and styling since almost 3 years but this year I was completely out of show offs of world. Well USA has alot to do in it...Anyways, I Made new friends here. Had Adventurous time together with Snehal. I should not have but still Consumed more alcohol than any other year. I Took the chance of traveling to wonderful new places in US, Enjoyed some new cultures, different foods and unknown languages. Explored some new places around here. Adopted two cats, Sultaan and Raeyna aka chutki, the most wonderful babies one can have.I cant live with out cats anymore. As any other person, I also turned a year older, still didn't felt bad about it, I gained some 35 pounds, but still did not felt too weird out. Found some Grey hair and thought of not coloring them ever. Found love and passion for life more than ever.
finally got the chance to solve some rotten issues and some black scars of life. I Took some more new risks and new responsibilities. On other note, Am still trying new career options and new business deals.

The biggest thing was I finalized a final goal to grow old with, old goals seems impractical & most of them I have achieved somewhere. As part of my new goal, I want to open a NGO and I have taken new step towards it. It makes me relax and happy. I always wanted to make Documentaries, so I did it...I made my Documentary about Defining America, its editing is yet not done, but slow and steady is me.
I finally took legal license for the first time in my life ( I used to drive illegally in India for years)
etc etc etc etc...........

Oh gosh!!!! too much happened in 2007 and its still going on n on... Well, over all personally and professionally wonderfully satisfying 2007.

Khari - Salty Puffs

13:37 Posted by Shadows of life

As I mentioned in my last blog, I am foodie and love being one...although its bad when I go over board and I don't watch what & when I am eating...

This post is about Khari, as known in Mumbai, its salty puffs, yummy and great to have with tea coffee.

I used to live in Mumbai, all by myself and I am a lazy but great cook...every now and then I used to cook but being a lazy cook, I used to skip meals. But I loved having chai, tea Indian Style. And because I used to skip meals, chai was my only food sometimes. Slowly slowly time made me realize that only chai can be replaced with chai & some biscuits & cookies etc. I tried these options, but as I don't like I was all sad until my wonderful neighbor introduced me to Khari and Rusk. She helped me buy Khari from a mobile ventor who used to visit our building every week. I bough half Kilogram of Khari and tried with my evening tea, OH!!! I loved it I ate half of it in one go. I started buying one kg of Khari from that vendor, and every morning tea and evening tea got replaced with chai & Khari.

I met my husband, my boy friend then, I found out that he dont like chai at hurt me for couple of seconds and then I played a trick, one day when he was very hungry, I made chai for me and told him you can have khari, if not chai...he agreed. he tasted some puffs, well he also loved it. And from that time on, he dont drink chai but he dip his khari in my chai & enjoy its taste.

When I first moved to US, I was all over looking for good Indian stores, I found some. The first thing I bought was some snacks and obviously it had Big pack of Khari. I came home, mid night, I made chai and tried that khari, and it made me cry cos it didn't even tasted 1% closer in comparison to the fresh taste of Mumbai Khari. More than year has passed and I am still looking for fresh khari, for my chai & for my satisfaction.

Foodie me

04:18 Posted by Shadows of life

I love Mexican food and i hate makes you eat more and more....Gosh!!! I have become bad gurl...stop eating Nachos & salsa...

Fun is when I eat Indian food I feel the same thing, so when people tell me how Indian & Mexican culture & food sounds same, I feel as if someone has allowed some Bollywood director to create a real time scene here...two bros get separated at Kumbh Mela and meets after ages...and they have same sign or pendent on their neck and all that....Boy, how funny it would be if I will find some similarities in both cultures.

Anyways I am back to my salsa & Chips, will finish this later I guess :D

After Drunkness

23:48 Posted by Shadows of life

Na bachi piyeli halaat
na bachi sharab
Jane phir bhi kyon
pite hain log har raat.

© Vim

Ek Pal

23:49 Posted by Shadows of life

Main bhool jaun tujhe to
zinda rehna bhi bhoolngi
gar yaad rakhun tumhe to
zindagi ko hi samjho bhoola dungi....

© Vim


18:14 Posted by Shadows of life

Today is a Christmas eve, and alot is going on in my life at this point. last year I was pretty much depressed and sad at the end of year, this time I am at least better than much satisfied in life at this point. US actually didn't treated me worse, it could have been bad and crazy. I am positive. Am I?

I use to write only Hindi Poetry and some journal, now I write everyday, not just blog but some confessions of life and some fictions...I haven't got the chance top write since 2/3 days and my body is acting weird, as if something is missing. AM I really missing somethings of life?

He is tired everyday, is it because he is over weight or because he is tired of me?

I hate spending on eating out, but I hate making fast food at home also. Why should one have to eat?

Cats don't love Him anymore, he feel sad about it true that they can stop loving someone all of a sudden?

I want to go to India - but I know, I wont be able to go longer than I can think..does that bother me?

Its Xmas today.....I sent her msg, she hasnt responded yet, do you think she hates me, but why? Why would someone hate me? I have never hurt anyone, then why?

Do I really believe that I will get some gift from Santa this year? Who is my Santa, HIM? Yeah!!! I do take Him as my Santa. Should I ask him if he has gift for me or should I I really want him to spend money for my gift?

Sultaan & Chutki are hiding under futon, and am sitting on Dining table, doing some typo this really a Xmas eve?

I do hate myself for not getting dressed nicely, is it sadness or is it simplicity or I am giving up?

What the heck am writing? DO I write for the sake of or for some reason?

Gosh!!!! I hate asking these questions from myself....But why?

Pre Christmas Notions

12:30 Posted by Shadows of life

What is Christmas?

Being a Hindu we were never introduced to Christmas, so December 25th was always a relaxed Holiday in the middle of no where. Last year I celebrated my First ever proper Xmas with Aunty Uncle and their family. Over the last year due to some personal issues things have been sour with that family. I really am missing Aunty more than any one today cos without her my Xmas this year is bland...wish!!!!

Here is ME in this Season:

I wish I had the courage to put up a tree in my house.
I wish I could Buy gifts for Family & friends for Xmas.
I wish I can make final plans for doing something on Xmas eve.
I wish I can feel I am enjoying this Xmas season.
I wish I can accept I am enjoying & I am buying gifts & I am doing things for Xmas.

Then why is this blockage?

Why am I weird about celebrating?

Why am I making fun of my self on behalf of these Notions?

Why, Cos the acceptance is the biggest thing...accepting something is important to me, to my self and to my own world.

And we call our selves Secular.

A morning.....

11:29 Posted by Shadows of life

Its December....14, 2007. A morning of my life here....

Aaj mann udaas hai....A Punjabi taxi driver's family lives in my building. A very nice guy, wonderful kid and wife, she has moved here 2 and half years back...that time her kid was 5 months old and now almost 3...she wanted to go to India for Diwali cos her Mother In Law was insisting but after seeing the prices of flights she refused and didn't planned anything. lately she always was talking about going to India, She is been eager to go back as she is from a conservative Punjabi village and have never lived out of Punjab before and for her, life in US is different & difficult. She always use to dream of going back once, happily, taking gifts for her family. she use to talk always that may be if I go back once, it will help me understanding my life and its importance here...cos I will do things I never had the chance to do before, may be I will feel better. Ya may be going back happily, showing her family new live she has gained and the new style she observed in US....and all that.......she had one dream, just to go back once, happily and relax.....

Today Morning, she called me saying she is going to India I was exited and happy for her. I said wow!!! when? She started crying.....I didn't knew what has happened...then she gained her consciousness and told me her Mother in Law passed away last night and they are leaving for India in 10 emergency....

I also want to go to India....but am scared to go to India in sadness, in mood which makes me hate living away from family, from my that life.

I am sad today...aaj kafi udaas hai mann.

yun hi mann hua share karne ko.......

Religious - Am I?

15:55 Posted by Shadows of life

she - Are you religious

Me - (without a thought) yes I am religious.

She - oh! So what religion do you believe in?

Me - Hinduism

She - OK, so which temples you go regularly, which ones you want ot visit?

Me - I don't go to any temples.

She - Oh!! Why?

Me - Don't know but juts like that...I guess.

She - So do you chant, do Havana and Prayers every day Morning & Evening OR you just go on Sundays?

Me ?? (Confused) Ahh (What do these temples have to do with being religious???)

I am trying to explain now.....still confused about temples and religion combination.

Well, a small corner of my house is known as Mandir(Temple) or say God's in Bhagwaan ka ghar, so when ever I need to relax I go there and sir jhuka ke I pray...some times I make just a demand and sometimes its just a look I give at those statues & pictures(my Mom told me they are God, I truly believe in it)...and then I always have felt fine there.

This is what I call my religious side. I do try to light a diya or Incense (agarbatti) every morning cos it gives me a sense of discipline everyday but no compulsion....cos I guess this is what I know religion is...from heart, from inside...not in the big temples, not at big mosques or religion and relation to that is inside my mind & heart.

The Randomness in me - Homesickness OR ???

11:34 Posted by Shadows of life

Today, all of a sudden while coming to office, I felt as if I am stuck in a life, in this moment and in this country. Its not that I don't like this country or I cant find my ways out...but its just weird feeling cos am feeling stuck in a monotonous job, in one specific relationship and in a feelings of emotions of being me. So I am going through some questions and some feelings with in me, I am writing here as well.

Planning : I should join some school, so I can achieve things faster than I am getting, but what course? which college? when and how? I know its easy to get money(actually on credit cards mostly) and its a lot easier to spend here, cos you have nothing to do but shopping and drinking.

Food - Ya, its available, in every corner, almost similar price for junk or non junk...healthy will cost you if you buy from store, if you don't buy its cheapest...or make food at at home, but I hardly cook now a days. Reason - NONE

Time : I wakes up exact one and half hour before I leave my place. By the time I reach home, I am so dead and frustrated, that I don't feel like cooking or even living for one more day.

Life : Doesn't suck as much it sounds here, but may be it confused on that part....and I will be confused for lifetime...hey this is what life is.

Work : OH ya, I do job, every one is happy but me that I have job. I don't earn worth my abilities, but better than nothing so I HAVE to say that wow!!! I have a job.

Home : 4 walls, some furniture, a Roof and 2 cats..I have everything....oh ya and a husband as well.

Vacation : I forgot what it is, cos I haven't taken in ages. In India we use to do a bit here and there kinds things, so those memories I have, but not the feeling of vacation.

Exploring : Those are the moments which make me feel real alive, I enjoy it and I love it. I love taking pics and sharing my happiest moments. We do it here as well, but rarely, wish we could do more.

Driving : I thought I could drive well, cos I am not scared of driving anymore...but illusions does break one day.

Laughter : Only PJ's make me laugh out loud, but isn't thats healthy?

Beauty : I don't like it better as a chasmish, grey hair and lost dressed kinda person, why? I do have my own reasons but better not to go there.

Priorities : I do have mine, but are they perfect one?

Perfection : AH!!!!!!! Saala yeh ghatiya dimaag (this crazy mindset)

Hmmm what else is left in here, guess nothing....


02:53 Posted by Shadows of life

I did something fun...something interesting...and all on my own. I signed up online for meet up group about Indian people in San Fernando Valley(I live around here) and I didn't ask him about I should do so or not...and I did it. I found that group is going to have a meeting soon, which is a dinner with some Indians like me around here. I posted my RSVP as 'yes' and today when I was suppose to go and meet people who belong to my culture..he was showing off all his worries and all that care etc, which basically means don't go or I will come with you...I didn't want any of that so I find my bus routes and after some efforts of stupidest home issues and all, I went to bus stop, got bus and went there(all by myself) and met these wonderful fun people who believe in the culture they have raised with and the one I belong to, who love talking about India and food and movies unlike HIM so I enjoyed it thoroughly. Some were fun people some quite and some talkative like me ;) I had blast and I wish we meet more often so I can feel at home in US...I used to be comfortable all the way in India and he wasn't worried, but here I need to make myself someone who is here now kind of person...and he is getting worried and all. I thought this way he will be fine too...but...

Thanks guys...Thanks Anu and Thanks V to take this did made me relaxed and emotional.

Happy Thanksgiving

15:30 Posted by Shadows of life

Today is Thanksgiving day in USA, Thanksgiving day is also known as day of Turkey, a long Weekend and a weekend for Family meet in US & today...November 22, 2007, Snehal is sleeping after his car race experience and am on net, once again.

Actually I don't have much idea about exact history of Thanksgiving, but as much as I could understood, its a day when people pay their thanks to Pilgrims and to their families. And to enjoy this day most of Americans spend this time with their family and enjoy long weekend with them, they all cook food together, eat together and relax together. Its also known as paying Thanks to Pilgrims of Native Americans aka Native Indians. According to wikipedia Thanksgiving is: "Thanksgiving, or Thanksgiving Day, is a traditional North American holiday to give thanks for the things that one has at the conclusion of the harvest season. Thanksgiving is celebrated on the fourth Thursday of November in the United States and on the second Monday of October in Canada."

As much as I have known Americans, most of them are from all over the world. Around 200 years ago these people have chased Natives out of US and took everything of Real Americans and made US a new world of its own...its just funny for me cos both of these histories doesn't gel very well, at least for me.

Anyways as during the Thanksgiving, people visit their families & relatives and spend these 4 days with them, traveling becomes a big time business. People spend money on Travel and food, giving gifts are not very common during this time. Food which mostly include Turkey, mash potatoes with gravy, pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce, yams and rolls, get cooked & shared with family and friends. Actually this is a fun time cos you get to spend time with your relatives, you relax after hectic days of work and you cook and eat homemade tasty food...traditionally most people eat Turkey on this specific day...I observe a fast on every Thursday so I will not be able to eat anything but Snehal want to eat Turkey so most probably we will go to some restaurant where he can have turkey...Snehal being the American, feels exited about this Holiday & I being new to this country feels a bit strange but still exited about it. This is my second Thanks giving in US...last year we visited family friends but this year its just we two...and we are our family...yehhhhhhhh..........:)))

When you see all the world around you visiting their families, you tend to miss your parents and family. I am missing my family from Chandigarh today....its been so long that's I get to celebrated any festival or any function with them. Its nice that Americans have this holiday when you are kind of forced to meet your family, but we Indians being who are Family oriented, don't have such holiday. Actually most of Indian families live together as joint family, so they don't need any holiday of such kind. But I guess we will have to make one new holiday now for my kind of people who live apart from family on their own and alone...we also need time and break to see our parents. Well, I miss my parents today...very much, wish I could see them soon.


21:41 Posted by Shadows of life

I saw "Hazaron Khawaishen Aisi" by Sudhir Mishra today...I felt sad and more than that I felt as if I am a cowered...the same way many Indians are. I had a chance and option direct my life in towards those parts where I can make difference & what can make me feel proud of myself, but at that point of life I refused to be myself, I refused to serve to my own country in urge to earn and learn more. I have a theatre as my background and I had options to choose it and use it to live and help my world, the world I belonged to...I had option to do plays and teach people about life and safety and educate them...but I moved to Delhi to get higher study in Theatre (which am not part of anyways) I went to Mumbai to work in Cinematic world(which is shattered too) and I am in US now...which is...........never mind!!!!!!!!!!!

At the same time on the positive note...I am in US, where money flows in every thing and every wing. People waste food and waste money for some moments of fun, I just need to be sharp now, NOW I can help more consciously and more smart way, by donations and by making all these Americans donate for that "3rd World" I belong to. I have started somewhere and need to go far and high in this ambition.

I got a chance to be associate with a school who educate in skills to mentally retarded kids in Mumbai, I am trying to help from my base & am sure it can make difference to those people who are my own...I wish I could connect to more and help more, but am slow factor is making me slow as well. I just need a cause to live to be what I can be.

The lesson for today:
The happiest people don't have everything in life.
They just make the BEST of everything that life brings their way. :-)

Little India

20:18 Posted by Shadows of life

I went to Little India town today...I expected myself to be jumping and happy and having fun in there, but it was just normal feeling to me, I took it as if I am in any other part of US. This time I went after a month or so, still I wasn't very cheerful and very did America have really changed me? Why did it seems like any other part of America? Am defiantly scared and weird out....what the hell is going on with me? Gosh!!!!!!!
I did got some experience which will help me write new things for me...but that later, right now...I need to hold that moment inside me.

I am ashamed

19:28 Posted by Shadows of life

its hurting...deep inside...somewhere killing my mind and somewhere its killing me but when I see people enjoying every bit of it...I feel may be something is wrong with me itself, otherwise why would people love all crap work and all that is been made and why would people put their precious money in the making of it, why would someone want to direct such baseless story? Why would most of the busiest actors work for these movies?

Well I have been the part of Bollywood industry, and enjoyed my time the same time I did strugged on every step, for logics and for meaning and for many more things to be part of the system, but guess it takes ages to change one system & one theory and it takes many hands to build TajMahal...

I saw Kabul, starring John Abraham and Arshad Warsi two days back and thought about it for two days and felt ashamed cos once I was a part of Bollywood cinema...

My questions are very genuine and logical...but I have got no answers:

What was Director/Producer thinking that War in Afghanistan and Mid east is all about Pakistan?

When are we going to look at India and Pakistan beyond partition and cricket?

When are we going to see that world is full of other issues beyond these two countries and their old partition.

When are we going to look at Art Department and property department of Indian cinema?

Why KUCH BHI CHALEGA is accepted in Bollywood?

When are we going to pay attention to serious issues of film making in this world?

Gosh!!!!!!!!1I am sorry and not sorry at the same time...I felt bad that one small country of world who annualy makes most of the movies of world cinema, produces more than 80 percent of crap, cheap and nonsense movies...I am really ashamed.

Aur Zindagi

14:42 Posted by Shadows of life

Zindagi hai Zindagi,
Na hoti zindagi to takhleef hi kyon hoti,
Jo hai zindagi to takleefen bhi hai,
Gar takleefen na hoti to
kyon hoti Zindagi.

© Vim

An accident can be cultural too...

17:59 Posted by Shadows of life

I have lived in India all my life and had gone through many accidents...sometime small and silent sometimes bad and sometimes almost worse....luckily never major...but I have seen major accidents. In India, specially in major cities people take their personal frustrations out while driving & helping others, this way they help themselves too. To help anyone, known or unknown, they will abuse and hit the accused one on behalf of you, with out thinking if that person is right or wrong. On top of that, most of the times these 'helpers' will leave wounded people on road, as they dodnt want to get in to any trouble. Main reason, our laws are not in favour of common man & their benefits. and then later common man has to pay by sufferings for helping others, but lekin, kintu, prantu...people die in accidents and people live through in accidents...

A common scene from Mumbai accident : A motorcycle rider is trying to cross a road and waiting for his signal and suddenly Rickshaw wala( three wheeler driver) comes and crosses him harshly without waiting for signal, in this process motor cyclist get some bruises.....but he ignores...and later in his madness & frustration of this incident, he tries to hit another rickshaw driver and suddenly 50 people comes forward and swearing at him and abusing him for bothering a poor rickshaw driver...and suddenly a cop car sound, everyone is gone and road is empty, no cop comes, no report happened, no emergency vehicle came...sab mamla solve ho gaya...this is a regular accident situation, even if its small or big...reason life is not precious, we have many people in is crowded...full of people...if you want please feel free to take some...

On the other hand, I have seen major major accidents in US and today the bus I was traveling in, went thru a minor accident and for those 15 minutes no one in the bus realised that bus had an accident and on small phone call report was submitted to cops and emergency was informed...if I wasn't standing in front I would have missed it as well...its different and weird for me but its true cos it did happened in front of my eyes. I didn't knew how to respond to it but then its true that life is precious here and people get their respect every way in this world...

Two different world, different cultures and I am the one common in between...


20:29 Posted by Shadows of life

Its easy to say we should live happy and positive...but is it true that we can live this way and that too easily?

Actually yes it is...try to forget what is making you negative and to forget make sure you hate that specific moment not the person not the emotion and not even the reason for that moment just hate that specific moment...and you will feel like flying high in the sky (without any drugs) I did it in past and I actually felt good about it later on...I am trying once again..but this time its "YOU" who is bothering me, whose emotions make me come back and who's touch make me feel I am alive...I do hate you and I wish I could love you for lifetime...AH...its no one else its my MUMBAI.

How much I wanna forget the moments I have lived with you and how much I wanna live those moments again...well, life is not as small too that I cant go back to Mumbai and live those moments once again....I wish it just happen more faster than its possible.


Post Diwali

17:59 Posted by Shadows of life

So Diwali is gone...I did celebrated, I made my own rules and my own ways to celebrate diwali in this unknown country of mine. I was going thru some issues of life so I could not go to Little India to buy what I wanted to buy for Dhanteras and Diwali so I went to stores close by and bought some of the things which somewhere satisfy the route of happiness and satisfaction for me during this festival season...Indian festival season.

We use to buy diyas(clay lanterns) two days prior Dhanteras and soak them in water so it absorbs most of the water and it don't soak extra oil or ghee. After a day we use to keep then on clean towel or paper in sun so thye are fully dry and we can lit them well. Next and third day which is Dhanteras...we use to put mustard oil in some of the diyas and let it stand for few minutes and then after the puja, we used those diyas to decorate the house...and this process goes until bahidooj OR bhaibeej which is 5th day from Dhanteras...all these edays have different names...Dhanteras, Choti Diwali, Diwali, Vishkarma day and then Bhai I have mentioned earlier too that we then give sweets to friends and family and our loved ones and then fireworks, the bigger the gifts and fire works the most biggest rich you are in town...

Anyways that was a traditional way of celebrating with modern in a country where Diwali has no meaning even for some Indians and I am not surprised cos this coutry is based on different religion and different rules of life. I celebrated this diwali with fun rule...I bought tons of candies, chocolates & small size candles. I did puja (prayer) at fixed time and this time I was all alone to finish it so I grabbed my own arm and started puja by lighting brass diya and some candles. I put some chocolates in My Mandir, I have made at home and some coins as we do Lakshmi Puja (goddess of Money) I turned some aartis (religious songs) on my laptop and tried to sing in my broken voice with was all done in 10 minutes and then I took some candies, chocolates and some candles and went to see my neighbors..they were more than happy to light a candle outside their apartments and accept chocolates from me...I lit some candles in front of every body's place and many more in row in front of my place...I came back and I was back to my table and back to laptop and internet...Diwali was fun and it was none...still positive side...I was able to celebrate diwali...I wasn't disabled or sick to be part of this.

Ok, I was sad...I am still a bit but I am trying to cheer up. I have no one to share my moments with, no one to speak it becomes more harder to cheer up, but its not impossible.

Ganpati and Lakshmi

01:24 Posted by Shadows of life

This is God Ganpati and Goddess Lakshmi's image.

Happy Diwali

22:22 Posted by Shadows of life

First thing First:

Happy Diwali to everyone here and hope you all enjoy this festival of lights.

Festival of lights means the festival which represent lights, in any from any color and any shape. This festival actually started as religiously act of welcoming God Rama after he win over Evil and came back to Ayodhaya with his wife. there are other views also available in our myths cos our religion(Hindu) changes its shape and style every 25 to 30 miles, but now a days I only see people performing prayers to Ganesha and Lakshmi. In the fire burn all your sins and obstacles and live a new year with happiness and fun.

According to Myths We Indians celebrate it as respect and welcome to God Rama after his 14 years of exile in forest, But with the modern time, its more or like holiday time, when you have excuse to buy things and gifts for your personal self, family and friends.

Basic celebration include performing prayers to God Ganesha (God of Obstacle) and Goddess Lakshmi (Goddess of Money) I don't know where God Rama disappeared in all these events cos it started as welcome to God Rama to his Ayodhaya, but now its more about welcoming lakshmi and Ganpati and prayers include about blessing personal self to Loved ones for better life and save from Obstacles and poverty. We pray for better life, better business and more money and that too with out any obstacles (ya alright, what a dream we carry on our shoulders) After prayers we light candles and diyas all over our house and around our home, then we distribute sweets to neighbours followed by fireworks. Its a fun and loud night if you are in India, specially big cities, the bigger the city more the crowd, fun, pollution and showoff.

When to celebrate this festival - Courtesy wikipedia - The Amanta ("ending on the new-moon") version of the Hindu Calendar has been adopted as the Indian national calendar. According to this calendar, which is prevalent in southern India and Maharashtra, the 6-day celebration is spread over the last four days of the month of Ashwayuja (Ashwin in Marathi) and the first two days of the new month of Kartika. According to the Purnimanta ("ending on the full-moon") version prevalent in northern India, it falls in the middle of the month of Ashwayuja/Ashvin. In the Gregorian calendar, it falls generally in the months of October or November. In 2006, it was celebrated on October 21, a Saturday. In 2007 it will be celebrated on November 9, a Friday.

This day supposedly moon does not appears in sky and we light our houses with Diyas and candles, so it is light all over even if its no moon night, Well I guess Rama came during the night and people lit his way and this is why its known as festival of Lights.

So this is basically Diwali festival...I love this festival obviously cos its holiday time and gifts time, but more over sometimes its just the hype of it which make me love these moments about India. I always try to perform Prayers the way my Mother told me and the way I have learned on my way to life. Although am not a very hard hard hard core religious person, like anyone else I also mold and move religion to my convience.

Last year I had just moved to USA at Diwali times, we celebrated Dusshera in Ahmedabad and Karwachauth in Chandigarh and Diwali with Snehal's parents in Chicago. It was not the way I wanted my first Diwali at my In laws place, but I wasn't very disappointed cos we have tons of relatives to be with during festival time in Chicago. This time its more tough for me, I am all alone, mindset is not comfortable, personal issues and all over again...USA...not aperfect place for Mumbayikar like me...I tried to celebrate Dhanteras quietly and with peace inside me, but I guess I failed(may be not to full extend but still...) Tommorow is Diwali and I am trying to keep my cool and relax mind in front, cos I want to do at least prayers with peaceful mind. The sweets have turned into chocolates and diyas have become Xmas candles and I have no clue about gifts.

So this is my did you celebrated festival of lights and what you got as gift?



15:47 Posted by Shadows of life

I am feeling feverish and a bit of cold, cos weather is changing and I don't enjoy work here all the its coming out as fever. In India when any one have fever or is not healthily good, we make such a big fuss as if person will die and try to cut the fever out as much as possible and fever comes back cos it was not allowed to be gone...and one more thing we do, it does work sometimes and sometimes it doesn't. We use herbs and home made medication for any kind of sickness, it could be same symptoms but probably different disease...

I was talking to my colleague about my sickness and he said its good cps you need to kill those germs from your body, so when body will be warm they will get killed and you will feel fine...

I know both are same things and same way, but I am seeing it a bit differently cos I AM SICK and I want to have some herbal thingies to cure myself not pills as I hate pills....although I hardly took any in India but I want it now with Mummy's love in it!

India banaam America

16:45 Posted by Shadows of life

So we have come to time saving timing in US, which means everyone at one specific time move their clocks and watches one hour back so we can have more sunlight in the afternoon evenings during the summer time, as we don't need it as much in the winter time so we "fall back" to normal time. We get up late and sleep early but its again one and the same thing cos evenings are not bigger but it just seems as if we now have 1 hour here and there....I do not understand the concept but may be this is right thing to do...whatever...AMERICANS...weirdo

I am missing India once again and it starting bothering me once again...every time when I am almost at the edge of a new phase it bothers me...I have no friends here(I mean it)NO FRIENDS and no one whom I can just call for no reason and tell them to hang out with me and take me out of my mindset...I am stuck here. I do not see any reasons to move back to India and any reasons to live here, so what should I do...go and live in UAE as I am planning since 2 weeks now...I have no clue what its like there same way I didn't knew how its like in America. Its not that everything sucks here but most of the things are out of my hands and this is the reason it bothers my life. I wan to enjoy and adjust to world but I feel so laid back in comparison ot some peopel around me thta I may can show I know this world and that world but at the same time I really have no substancial facts in my is nt it and its not even education or knowledge its just general behaviour, its just th eway we think in India and we have to think in US....

Whatever I am starting a life which is my life here and its hapening rather than stuck somewhere :))


with in....without

02:11 Posted by Shadows of life

Seems like world will fall over..but one year is gone...and second Diwali is coming up soon...more than I miss India I miss myself, my behavior and festival season...its in culture to be around crowded moments and to be with someone who understands, I am missing India and this moment is beyond that.....o shiiiiitttt!!!!!! I need to move on, too far from real sad moment....


15:15 Posted by Shadows of life

Hope all of you are doing good and enjoying the summer weather. Over here in Mumbai, with March comes nice weather and HOLI, the festival of colors. In India it is known as the harvest and Spring festival. After a long time of staying indoors, people come out in the open and celebrate togetherness and happy moments while playing with colors. Normally GULAL, a type of color is made with natural ingredients like beetroot, leaves, etc... Gulal is normally safe but still we need to oil our hair and use baby oil for skin to save it from damages. Sometimes the colors are made from chemicals that could cause problems.

For Holi we (Snehal and me) like to go out of town with bunch of friends. Usually here are about 20 or so of us packed in cars.
Last year we went to Nagaon (a beach area outside of Mumbai) so this year we planned for Murund Janjira, a island which has beautiful, clean and virgin beaches. Early morning on 15th we packed our bags and left Mumbai while keep playing colors, throwing water on each other and dancing inside our cars. Everyone was fully colored and some were unrecognizable too(check out our pics). We had lots of trouble with our second car, the Scorpio (its tyre got flat 4 times, 1 time tyre busted and 1 time we lost the spare of it). But with Gods grace we all were safe and finally reached to Nagoan beach(same as last year, because we didn't wanted to risk taking the Scorpio any further) at 9 in the night. We all were tired and desperate to touch the sea so the moment we stopped, all ran towards sea. We stayed and played in water for another 2 hours and around 11 we all changed in to dry clothes at nearby cottages and left for Mumbai. We reached at 5 in the morning, after dropping some friends to their homes. Snehal and I came back to our lovely home and my cats were screaming for food. We were dying to sleep and with morning we came back to our normal routine of life. It took almost two days to get rid of color from our skin and hair. So this was our Holi in 2006. Now you all must be thinking why am telling all this to you? The reason is simple. Me and my husband Snehal are planning to go to USA for long time, which could be one to three years and am sure am going to miss the same kind of fun on festivals as India and as Holi is my favorite festival (I born on the day of Holi) I wanted to share my feelings with my near and dear ones.

माँ तेरे बीना मैं, मैं नहीं

15:06 Posted by Shadows of life

I am missing my Mom, not just the mom who gave me birth but the mom, whose lap I have lived on until some months back on that earth. My mother has sold all her jewellery's and all her precious things to make a house for us (her kids) She was a fashion designer a sitarist but just because my father wanted her to be house wife she gave up all of her life and she never looked back at her creative life...I am creative cos she was the one...I miss her..Wish Mom you were around specially when I need to know how to handle my emotions in these moments. I am missing my motherland as well cos that is the land which has made me what I am today. Wish I was in India and taking care of my Mom.

I love you Mummy...


बारीश और मैं

15:04 Posted by Shadows of life

I got down at the train station on a beautiful Friday evening and I started walking home. Two minutes later it started raining. It felt good on my tired face. My body felt relaxed and suddenly I smelled that smell which takes me off my feet. It was the smell of earth after a first rain. I felt like getting fully wet and dancing in rain. I felt warm water coming down my face, past my eyes.

A year ago, when I left India I thought that I would never be able to smell my earth after first rains ever again. That changed when this smell of earth felt exact like my India. I stopped on the road, looked around. I observed the earth and buildings and roads but suddenly I felt as if there were no boundaries. I realized that all these boundaries and all these lines are only on paper, only on maps.

In real life, earth has no partitions, no boundaries, no lines in between. The blood in our veins are the same color. The color of earth is same as any other place. I started walking home and saw my neighbors getting wet in the rain and jumping all over. It was beautiful.

This is my earth, where nothing is mine but I own every part of it.

Friday September 21st, 2007

Indian Independence day 07

15:16 Posted by Shadows of life

India got its Independence in 1947...exactly 60 years...I am still waiting to see happiness on every Indian face and their stomachs full of food - healthy living for everyone. I love India and I hate to see corruption and the orthodox mind set. I don't mind people having traditional feelings, living traditional ways...but I just can't understand how people can mold these traditions to their own benefit. People have so many chances to grow in India, especially when India and China are the fast growing countries in the world economically speaking.

Okay let me start from positive points of India...India is full of great Culture, Tradition, Monuments, Cuisine & Clothing. India have the best Software people as well as Computer systems in world. India is a great place to travel to and is just incomparable when it comes to having faithful and helpful people. You just can ask for help from anyone, even on the open roads and they will make sure you are taken care of. People will take the time to help you. They welcome their guests with refreshments and don't let them leave without filling their stomachs. They are very flexible and open to the outside world. They have hearts full of love and care. India also has some of the most popular spiritual and meditation sources and centers. India produces excellent Rice, Tea, Wheat and Cotton. India features a great movie industry, full of love and emotions and fantasy too. Lastly, India has some of the most beautiful people in the world ;)

On the other hand, I also hate many things about India. Its traffic, crowded roads, bad bus services, patriarchal society where women are kept behind in everything. I know everybody loves the country and community they are born into, but I have a weird relationship with my Country and my Community, I love it and I hate it so its kind of weird. I hate when People take females lightly as if they are here just to serve men and by people I mean men as well as women...all woman put in mind and in blood of their daughters that they are suppose to serve and HELP men, my foot..I will serve if I want to not because if I am a female. I hate this double standard when it comes to kitchen, cleaning and kids. I hate politicians of India, who are not working towards certain goals but to fill their pockets. I hate how people say that it is secular country but they can't take anyone saying a word against their religion. I hate transportation services in India, you cant travel relaxly unless you have your own vehicle and that bring more and more traffic on roads and no one wants to follow the rules. I hate this saying that children are gifts of GOD, so lets give birth to 10 more kids and make huge change in population of India and world. I hate lovers writing on monuments.

So I want to make changes in India, like every other Indian. But here I need help from you all. Please travel to India and spend some money there so we have money coming in...please click on every day or as much as you can because your one click will help one kid in India.

Soon I am going to join some non profit organization and will need all of your help once again. Please help me help my birth country and help ourselves.

Thanks for reading. I have to add alot more!!!!