tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12947751950441400092024-03-13T14:32:47.438-07:00India - My Life within and withoutShadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.comBlogger200125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-91520519302652926832012-02-19T14:26:00.000-08:002012-02-19T14:36:48.816-08:00Lotus!Its been so long I wrote here, maybe because somewhere I don't need this space to hide myself behind the walls or maybe because I feel free to share my opinion in the world. Whatever the reason maybe, I do feel free and happy, and I have my lord and my friends and family to thank for...<br /><br />Yesterday I went to the Buddhist temple, where I have been before but this time around the experience was way too different. I was able to connect spirituality and myself in a different manner. The tour guide in one of her conversations about Buddhism stated that lotus is known to be a very important flower in Buddhist religion because it starts it journey as a bud in the muddy dirty water, walks all the way in the dirty water and when reaches to the top opens up to be a beautiful flower. She further stated that its our past what makes us who we are because what we choose, what we desire and the directions we walk on makes difference in our presence...I was so happy and calm hearing this. Where I have reached today is somehow reflection of my past though one could reach here without all the hardship I faced. I am proud of myself and can never let myself put down the way it has happened in the past.<br /><br />A proud survivor!<br /><br />P.S. - Today is Feb 19, wrote this post after over a year!Shadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-47795956793255829882011-02-13T20:19:00.000-08:002011-02-13T20:41:22.170-08:00Goodbye my marriage...forever and ever!Its been so long I wrote here. I checked the date of my last post and it was Feb 26, 2010...and today is Feb 13, 2011 :).<br /><br />I experienced something on Friday in a group where we were meditating and sharing our thoughts. I felt the reason of weird haunting moments, awaken memories and shapeless, meaningless dreams I have been seeing for days in and days out could be because I actually never said good bye to my past relationship, I actually never ever paid a proper homage to that dead relationship...<br /><br />I am saying my goodbye to that relationship, that marriage where I was in love, where my ex was also in love, where we both became what we never wanted to be, where life was not our own, where it wasnt even worth living...I am saying my final goodbye to that death which was a result of togetherness, which was a result of situations we both created, which was the result of growth of life...Goodbye my marriage, goodbye my relationship to snehal, goodbye my love for snehal and his family, goodbye my life with my ex-husband, and goodbye my old life with him...goodbye. May you rest in peace and may you never come back to any of our lives, may you stay far away from us, may you be just a plain old dream in our lives. <br /><br />Goodbyes are sweet and sour, and that is exactly what I am feeling today!<br /><br />VimShadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-80206843453647814842010-02-26T00:58:00.000-08:002010-02-26T23:51:04.446-08:00Random issues called lifeI shouldn't say but I am saying it 'I don't know why...' I don't know why I don't want to keep a relationship going for sometime...I don't know why I doesn't want to work towards a relationship. May be I do know...I know it is hurtful to invest but I am getting over those issues, but then I think I do have very high expectations of other people in a romantic relationships. I can have a great friendship going where there is no sexual tension between friends and I but the moment it hit the button of a little romanticism, I want to just take it towards highest height and then drop it down as fastest speed as ever possible...I get anxious to start and be with someone...I don't know why...and then I get bored of the person, relationship and often the idea of romanticism.<br /><br />BTW I met a kid who could have been mine. I had a good 1x1 with a work kid of mine and noticed that if I had a kid and would have stayed in domestic violence relationship then I would have ended my kid to some placement in the US...the same way my work kid was there. A younger brother of a sister who was forced to marry a guy from different country and older brother of two siblings who are in different placement, a strong and angry son of that father who used his anger and madness on his wife and kids, and an insecure son of that mother who is pretty homeless Iraqi woman - a survival of domestic violence, and a guy who is on probation at the age of 15 who is trying to find his roots from a bottom less tree....<br /><br /><br />VJShadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-38496138383852268922010-01-17T00:22:00.001-08:002010-01-17T00:25:11.649-08:00ProgressI have been noticing a tremendous patience and peaceful change in myself. Seems like the practices I have been working on is finally working within me, and I am becoming the one I want to be...Amen!Shadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-56940590623303599982010-01-13T13:14:00.000-08:002010-01-14T01:17:11.696-08:00interviewA: What do you think brought you out of domestic violent effected life?<br /><br />V: "I love living" these three words gave me a new life with each day...and I got stronger just to live each day, just to experience more life with everyday!<br /><br />VimShadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-39559823761386761942009-12-20T23:05:00.000-08:002009-12-20T23:09:24.312-08:00Kansas - Day ThreeWoke up early and did my presentation. I did well, or so others said.<br /><br />Few more presentations, few more dreams and few more encouragements...<br /><br />Went to do some fun...and then in the flight. I was back at home by 10pm...missed the atmostphere and energy from the training.<br /><br />Within four days of return, I did my first preproduction shoot of a new documentary. I hope to work on it more and finish it.<br /><br />Prayers, love, blessings and money needed - feel free to give what you can, and take what I can...<br /><br />Amen!<br /><br />VimShadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-51645138241592830472009-12-19T00:06:00.000-08:002009-12-19T00:10:17.529-08:00Kansas - Day TwoWhat a simple and busy day it was...<br /><br />I blanked out twice. We were working continuously on similar stuff, similar issues...and I lost it. Discussing and learning those issues I care for is not boring because what I love, I can never get bored of...hai ki nahin?<br /><br />And about Kansas, we didnt see a thing. We were inside one building, the same building we entered and where we left from. We did leave for couple of hours for a fund raiser and enjoyed South American and Central American dances...wish I can dance...ahem!!Shadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-20111415467946607772009-12-15T01:57:00.001-08:002009-12-19T00:10:44.430-08:00Kansas - Day Oneit was a great moment when J said, "lets all talk a little slow since we all have an accent" I was like"shitttt" but then I thought again and found it wasn't me only who came with an accent, every single woman over there had an accent...and I felt so light! No one judged me for having a different accent, no one looked low on to me for being Indian...I was proud to be my self, for the very first time in years!<br /><br />Over the time of three days, I enjoyed the company of strong and empowered women, and lived moments of being self. How hard it is to be my own self in this world no too hard but believe me it is at times...but every one gave me the chance and I was able to be the same way for others....lucky.....I guess!!!<br /><br />They said it is going to be cold in Kansas but I wasted my bag space cos it was nice weather...especially the last day. WE did found a way to enjoy even if it was next to a cemetery... Hey, those people are already dead...stop judging me, I am not judging you so why would you do so?<br /><br />Anyways, the best part was the training. Not even a single women judged me for being a divorcee, for being a female, for being an Indian and for being the one who have said "enough" once and for all in her life...<br /><br />How lucky are you to be at the places like the one I was at?<br /><br />Thank you J and M....you made it possible...<br /><br />Hugs<br />VeeShadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-66799454392682541422009-12-10T12:09:00.000-08:002009-12-20T23:11:08.732-08:00IT IS LEGAL NOW!!!one signature, thousands emotions...<br /><br />Divorce is over, legally. I am back with my clear status,Shadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-45244632973357745332009-12-08T00:58:00.000-08:002009-12-08T01:00:50.872-08:00Banjaran...I am a gypsy. I think I was born this way but it was hard for me to accept. I use to run away from the thought of being a gypsy in my own way of gypsism cos my culture doesn't support it but I do want to...I want to be the one....travel, live and enjoy..fcuk this acchole world!!Shadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-24958024410970089172009-12-04T21:26:00.000-08:002009-12-04T21:28:34.973-08:00iI bought iphone a month ago...and I am getting addicted to it...:-(<br /><br />but I am happy about it...damn! who would have thought that one can do so much with a mobile phone...hard to believe...but!Shadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-82213954739253900532009-12-01T20:54:00.000-08:002009-12-02T03:53:04.517-08:00The Politics of PoliticsI was waiting for Obama's speech for last week and half about war status and bringing American troops back to the America. Finally today wait ended and I listened to Obama on <a href="http://www.npr.org/">NPR</a>. He used chosen words very carefully while explaining his reasons and explanations for his actions. I was impressed with his speech and I had few questions, which NPR's discussions did clear. And I suddenly found myself deep down interested in politics.<br /><br />My developing interest in politics is a bit weird to myself as I hardly had any interest in politics unless I needed to discuss it with someone. Last year during President's election time I enjoyed Obama's HOPE campaign and when Obama took the position of America's President, I watched his every move very closely followed by his actions and speeches throughout the year. Not that I was interested in politics, but I am very attracted to what Obama is made of and how he has handled messed up situations. I guess that is known as politics. His 'hope' campaign was awesome, it helped him win over Bush, but I wanted to see results, so I am watching him carefully.<br /><br />My background is from the country which is in development. America is more of a progressive country even after its history has less depth than India. In my country (read: India), I hardly saw any politicians giving explanations and clarity for their actions. Indian politicians speech was more of those kind of speech where they kind of ordered that they have taken some random steps and 'janta' (countrymen) is supposed to accept without questioning it. And sometimes there were speeches, which followed by the response of throwing chairs and violent acts in parliament house of New Delhi. I have seen some of these actions live on national TV. I wont say Indian politicians are just bosses to countrymen but its pretty close to the relationship between jailer and the victim. All that had obviously made me sad and over the years I lost interest in Indian politics.<br /><br />I don't have deep interest in American politics but it does attract me more than Indian politics. May be because politicians try to stay crystal clear to the citizen's of America...or may Americans demand more clarity from them or may be its just that I am developing interest in politics. I don't know the truth but I guess in India, as a citizen, I was not given enough human rights to be myself and here in the US as a permanent resident I am given more freedom and rights, its up to me now if I choose to use those rights or not...or may be the truth is still hidden.<br /><br />Any which way I still think Indians have more depth in their life and culture than America. America, defiantly needs to learn much more from cultural countries such as India, Pakistan, Mexico etc etc.<br /><br />Talking of Pakistan reminds me one thing which impressed me a lot in Obama's speech is that he showed his interest in Pakistan's safety and Afghanistan's growth, and also that he wasn't all about America America, America and just America...what a relief!!!<br /><br />Here is the<a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/whitehouse?blend=1&ob=4#p/u/0/oZLVqhsLgIw"> speech</a>...listen and don't forget to leave comments!<br /><br /><br />Ciao....Shadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-4705062478391927682009-11-29T00:30:00.000-08:002009-11-29T00:39:33.619-08:00Being...Dear female readers, A quick question...<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">What is it to be a female for you? How is it different that you were born as a female in this world OR you chose to change your gender, why...how is it to be a female? </span><br /><br />And dear male readers,<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">What is your take on female gender? How do you think you deal with female issues while being a male?</span><br /><br />My two cents: I am very proud to be born as a female...but being a female comes with many issues and difficulties....but then females are the most strong gender as well.<br /><br />What is your take on it?<br /><br />Please share or <a href="http://www.blogger.com/vims.jaggi@gmail.com">email me</a>...<br /><br />Something big is coming up and your help is needed....<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Hugs</span>!!! And <span style="font-weight: bold;">Thank You</span>...<br /><br />Vee JayShadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-2597798126079539632009-11-27T12:08:00.001-08:002009-11-27T12:42:40.334-08:00Today's Television - We do love drama!!!I am not a big fan of TV. I never was, dunno why but never got hooked to it. I do watch TV occasionally with my kids. It is fun to see what kind of shows are common and getting good <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Target_Rating_Point">TRP</a> now-a-days. I remember when I was working for TV in India, rating or <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Target_Rating_Point">TRP</a> used to be the biggest god for TV artists...<br /><br />Like today I saw <a href="http://www.jerryspringertv.com/">Jerry Springer</a> show...man!!! what a show. I think I would never like to watch that show but my girls loved watching it and enjoy every bit of drama from it. oh well, they are teenage kids, they love drama :-)))<br /><br />After Jerry's show a new show started, its called <a href="http://www.stevewilkos.com/">Steve Wilkos Show</a>. I, unaware of today's TV style, thought it would be some crappy show as most of the shows are...but guess what? It was not a crappy show but it was a weird show; it talked a lot about what I like to work on...it spoke somewhere my own language but in a way which is not very fun to watch. It dealt with people who are going through abuse and who doesn't know how to be out of it, and Steve, the host of the show, helped them find a way out. I appreciated his work. I liked the way he was dealing with victims; I liked the way he was so calm and quiet but made victims realized that they are wrong and how...He is a good man, I assume but again a TV artist who surely care about target rating point.<br /><br />I had some issue with the show - it is called over exposure and wrong usage of reality. Basically, he and producers of the show used the real life drama and brought in front of camera...then they got some real deals on advertisements and here you go the TV show is ready to sell. Who wouldn't like to watch lifetime drama, some advice, free audience - the whole package is ready...life is all about how beautiful one can display their shiiit...<br /><br />Oh well, isn't everything on TV is all about showoff, drama, crappiness and so called reality??? Movies are much better way to talk about reality without becoming a judge of any side.<br /><br />Hypocrite moi would still love to work for TV shows over feature films...or would love to book some commercials for some TV show and make some hot commission...oh well, aren't we all hypocrite? I actually would never work for game shows, Talk shows or reality TV any more...its not my kind of TV though its TRP is really high...well human we beings just love drama...!!!<br /><br />Now I am wondering what kind of shows Indian TV is showing? I am sure they are also mostly either talk show or reality TV style...anyone wanna inform moi?<br /><br />VeeShadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-34043630865545179472009-11-26T18:58:00.000-08:002009-11-26T20:37:01.255-08:00Inspiration...<object width="580" height="360"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/SryLdmxd_vg&hl=en_US&fs=1&border=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/SryLdmxd_vg&hl=en_US&fs=1&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="580" height="360"></embed></object><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />This song is very close to me. It is one of the most inspirational songs I have ever heard...I love this song more than anything at times. It has truth, it has power and it has voice of <a href="http://www.kailashkher.com/">Kailash Kher</a>...He has put life in these words.<br /><br />Hope you all enjoy this song too, and if you do, leave your marks.</span>Shadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-4133490297213122542009-11-25T11:01:00.000-08:002009-11-26T03:17:36.945-08:00Thanksgiving - 2009So its the time of the year again - time to pay our thanks back and time to get our thanks...it is the <a href="http://imissindia.blogspot.com/2007/11/happy-thank-giving.html">Thanksgiving</a> time!!<br /><br />YAY!!!<br /><br /><a href="http://imissindia.blogspot.com/2008/11/thanksgiving-2008.html">Last year's Thanksgiving</a> had somewhere different colors and hues in it, though this year it is not too skeptical, not too different!<br /><br />Today is Wednesday, a day before Thanksgiving and I just came back home after celebrations. It was beautiful - four people sharing not just meal but happiness, smiles, wishes and love. It is just wonderful to have friends. Tomorrow, the actual day of thanksgiving, I will be relaxing (finally) at home for the first half of the day and second half I will enjoy yummy dinner with my kiddos...my work kids.<br /><br />What is better than celebrating thanksgiving with those who I am thankful to - for my today's life, for their love and their passion and for all the smiles and choices I discover with them...what better way to celebrate a day full of happiness than to be with my little kids and their world? May lord give tons of happiness and smiles and of-course peace to all teenagers.<br /><br />My special thanks for this year are for Sia, P and S...without them I would have been still floating in a weird river...Thank you for helping me find my path, thank you for being there and Thank you for being yourselves...May lord bless you with more love and happiness. Amen!!!<br /><br />And wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving as well...just remember that life is beautiful.<br /><br />VimShadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-72009529866312500052009-11-24T04:24:00.001-08:002009-11-24T04:33:21.970-08:00One rule I learnt in childhoodI was young, probably in my early teenage when I heard papa telling my brother that never take debt on your head and never ask for money from someone unless you have that much to pay back. I dunno how but it got stuck in my head and my heart.<br /><br />Years later even today I dont borrow money, I dont take anyone's debt. I get my pay check, I pay my bills. While working with non profit groups, often its hard to save even a penny but I am happy I dont owe any money to anyone - not to credit cards, not to friends, not even to my parents...unlike someone who I recently found is still dependent on HIS parents...I feel ashamed for HIM...Wish, HE had choices to choose from in his life.<br /><br />I feel pride in myself that I was able to follow this rule even after I moved to a new country, and even after I lived a real hardship here...I think it was papa's this rule only which made me keep going on and keep doing things...just to find my own meaning of life.<br /><br />May god save others from hardship and from debts.<br /><br />VJShadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-34333291316251557502009-11-24T04:14:00.000-08:002009-11-24T04:23:58.247-08:00Choices...I had two choices when I found my life is going no where:<br />1. Let the path lead me...<br />OR<br />2. to find & lead my path...<br /><br />I chose the later one. It was a hard choice. It made me go through hard parts of everything but one day I noticed I was standing on a road with passion bubbling up in my heart and that day I realized I had found my path. Today, I am walking on my path with passion and ambition, damn it is a hard path but it bring smile to me everyday, it gives me satisfaction each second...<br /><br />Some where today I feel happy that once I was in dead depression because if I would have never been there, I would have never tried to look towards my choices.<br /><br />Thank you Lord for giving me choices and helped me find and follow my path...This Thanksgiving is going to be amazing!!<br /><br />VimShadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-2280485010662903712009-11-22T08:01:00.000-08:002009-11-22T08:36:21.659-08:00Killing - one thought, many questions!!!I killed a squirrel today or so I think. I was on my way to work, driving and suddenly noticed few feet away from my car two squirrels were playing with each other: one crossed the street and another stopped in the middle of the street. I noticed it was far from my lane so I didn't slow down, but guess it moved right when I was close to it. I felt I might have hit it, to confirm I checked in left rear view mirror, noticed a stable squirrel on street, it might was either injured or dead and I lost a heartbeat.<br /><br />I am still not sure if I have killed it or it was just injured, but I am feeling guilty. I was kept thinking about it throughout my way to work. I didn't stop to check upon it cos I was a bit scared of my own emotions. I might get in to weird depression if I find out that I have actually killed it, and if it wasn't killed I might have reacted totally different....I dunno...I am still confused. I am at work right now and I think I should give it few more hours before I come to any conclusion. But can I actually give it some time or stop thinking about it? Oh, I doubt it!!!<br /><br />If I actually have killed an little animal while driving does that make me a killer?<br />Should I get some punishment for it?<br />Am I going to be comfortable with killings now on?<br />Does that mean I am a selfish person who couldn't stop to see squirrel because of my own emotions?<br />Am I really a selfish person?<br />Is it okay to kill an animal on street if they are careless while you are driving carefully?<br /><br />Why am I thinking about it too much?<br />Whats wrong with me?<br /><br />Jesus Christ, Lord Shiva, Lord Rama, Lord Krishna and all those Gods, whoever and wherever they are...I hope you will help that little squirrel....Amen!!<br /><br />VJ<br /><br />P.S. - I was just talking to <a href="http://vrun.wordpress.com/">Vrun</a> about the incident and he told me that at times that feeling of 'may be' is stronger than being assured of something. I guess this is what made me keep driving than stopping at the incident and checking upon little animal...Shadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-48923401592214285072009-11-21T22:51:00.000-08:002009-11-22T07:58:41.116-08:00Blogging, Hitler and Valkyrie...When I was little school girl, I was taught that <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hitler">Hitler</a> was the best ruler; he was the best leader on earth. I, leader by nature, always wanted to become like him so I can lead everyone in my business and in my life, well pretty much!<br /><br />When I first met my ex-husband, who was a politics major in college, we use to discuss Indian and American politics often. I was weak in politics but I knew Indian politics more than him and he knew world politics more than me, which made discussions more fun and knowledgeable. Once during those discussions <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hitler">Adolf Hitler</a>'s name came in, I told him that I always wanted to be like him. He had disgust looks and weird expression on his face. He asked me that I am not a violent person at all then why am I attracted to Hitler's characteristics. I told him what I was taught, he was ashamed of my education :-( after knowing the truth, I was too.<br /><br />Sadly, he and his education was right and soon I found out I was taught many things wrong especially about world history. I dunno if today the education level is changed in India or not but I do know that I never ever want to be even H of Hitler forget becoming a leader like him.<br /><br />After I moved to the US and met with those real people who, themselves or their families, had gone through <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hitler#The_Holocaust">Hitler's Holocaust</a>, I realized how bad the Education system is in my country...I confess that I didn't do a thing to change it but I did talk to my little nephews about it and tried to tell them about Hitler's real face and about 'real' history...not sure how much they understood but I hope they dream unlike me and my generation about leadership.<br /><br />I remember once my ex-husband went to a book store to buy his favorite marble comics and came back with 9th grade history book. The more he read, the more I became aware of what I was taught right and what not. oh well...with the age I did learn a lot and I am not done learning.<br /><br />Today while watching <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0985699/">Valkyrie</a>, all those days came as a picture in front of my mind's eye and I thought of writing this blog. If we have even few of Col. Stauffenbergs in our various countries, this world will become a peaceful place for humans. And all I can do is pray for my both countries as well as rest of the world.<br /><br />And that reminds me of Beenish's one post...do read and comment on her these two posts about Anne Frank - <a href="http://beenishsaharkhan.blogspot.com/2009/10/holocaust-anne-ignorant-me.html">Part one</a> and <a href="http://beenishsaharkhan.blogspot.com/2009/10/holocaust-anne-ignorant-me-part-2.html">Part two</a>....<br /><br />Until new thought come during sickness - <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adi%C3%B3s">Adios</a>!!!<br /><br />Vee JayShadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-8873565994659667212009-11-20T02:15:00.000-08:002009-11-20T19:42:47.691-08:00I Hear America Crying...I do, I hear America crying everyday when I reach at work. When I see my little teenage kids I work with, when I hear another homeless kid on the block, when I see a new teenager at one of our recovery homes...I see America crying...<br /><br />Two days ago, I was about to leave for work in the night and as usual radio was on and Dick Gordon was presenting <a href="http://thestory.org/">"The Story" </a><br /><br />I, one of the biggest fan of Dick's work and stories, suddenly found myself frozen when I heard this poem from<a href="http://www.insidehighered.com/views/sloane"> high school teacher</a>, who recite his student's work. I don't know who the owner of this poem is and who wrote it, but I do want to share it here for all my readers and my fellows. If the author reads this poem, please do contact me so I can give you credit as a writer.<br /><br />Here is 'the story' presented by Dick Gordon...<a href="http://thestory.org/archive/the_story_908_Wick_Sloane.mp3">good work</a>.<br /><br />The poem is based on Whitmen's song <a href="http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=175779">"I hear America singing"</a> This poem is called "I hear America Crying..."<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">I hear America crying the very carols I hear</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">those of single mother each one crying to sleep at night</span><span style="font-style: italic;"> as they try<br />to brainstorm new ways to make ends meet</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The little boy crying for a father figure<br />some one who he can look up to </span><span style="font-style: italic;">and teach him how to be a man</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">the addict in every family crying as he or she struggle to stay clean</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">just so that he or she can win back custody of their child</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">the young teenage mother crying, hoping she will be able to graduate high school</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">and not become another teen statistic</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">the father crying behind the bars as he try to explain to his only daughter,</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">how come daddy isn't home</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">the insecure girl within all of women crying</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">as we struggle daily to learn how to love ourselves, unconditionally</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">the awful cry of a single mother or the little boy or the addict</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">each crying about what eats up with them</span>...<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">the day that belongs today, at night the party of young fellows</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">upset, disappointing, singing with open mouths<br />their strong melodies songs...</span><br /><br />I hear America crying...<br /><br /><br />Vim<br />On a mission - looking for that light at the end of the tunnel.Shadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-43273461699436787272009-11-16T00:35:00.000-08:002009-11-20T19:48:53.126-08:00The Donut story...It was a beautiful morning. Unexpectedly, I slept well at night. I woke up, got dressed and left as usual - just few minutes later than my normal schedule, and I was happy, seriously. I thought I will stop by at <a href="http://www.7-eleven.com/">7/11</a> and pick some donuts for my teenage girls and my co-worker. I did pick up few donuts, came back to my car and the Asian guy next to my car told me that I had a flat. I didn't understand him and asked him that what he meant. He showed me my right front tire, which was flat. Jesus Christ!!!<br /><br />I <a href="http://imissindia.blogspot.com/2009/09/story-continuesaaa.html">once again</a> called <a href="http://www.aaa.com/">AAA</a>, gave details and waited outside my car, right after I informed my co-worker that I was going to be late. AAA guy came, took off the flat tire and changed it with spare tire. I looked at spare tire and asked why was spare a weird looking, thin and baby tire? He looked at me as if I am a weirdo and said,"because it is a spare?" I still didn't get it. After all this was my life's first flat tire which I was handling all by myself. I clearly told him that I didn't know what that means and asked him if he can please explain. He was better with his looks this time and explained that spare is a temporary tire and it is small in size because it is not permanent tire (I got it dude and whats next???) Next he explained that I can't drive over 50 miles/hour with spare, and if I drive on freeway I might get a ticket.<br /><br /><br />I was standing in weird shock when he left. I didn't know what to do. I knew only one way to work and that was freeway, not that I was unable to find a street way out but hello...taking streets to 10 miles away job...are you kidding me? Jeez...well, I thought of taking the risk and drove on freeway while I made sure I don't go over 55 miles/hour. I was irritated while driving on freeway as I drive 80+ miles per hour on freeways. Today being Sunday the freeway was empty and I had to resist my urge to drive<span style="font-style: italic;"> 'normal'</span> speed. Oh well, I was<a href="http://imissindia.blogspot.com/2008/05/freeway-and-i.html"> once afraid of driving on freeways</a>, remember anyone?<br /><br /><br />I finally reached to work and the first shift went well. I called my second job and told them that I was going to be late, and went to <a href="http://pepboys.com/">pepboys</a>. The guy from Pepboys checked my car and its tires. He clearly told me that I needed two new tires for the front. I tried to argue and he clearly said, either fix it today or keep driving on spare until you are not safe anymore...so I gave my car for fixing. They changed two old tires to two new tires and oil was changed...and I paid a big price for it...well, safety matters!<br /><br /><br />Later, I found out the spare tire is known as donut for some reason. I smiled thinking that I wanted to buy donuts and I got donut...oh well, co-incident I guess :-)<br /><br />Vee JayShadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-14631607980429587102009-11-10T20:19:00.000-08:002009-11-10T20:51:52.025-08:00The Parantha TimeFew minutes ago when I was starving, I opened freezer and took few frozen paranthas out. One pack of masala parantha, one pack of paneer parantha and one frozen thepla pack. Yummmm. Made chai, opened new pack of yogurt and warmed up flat pan so I could defrost/cook my paranthas. Opened first pack…jeez!!! I wanted mummy.<br /><br />It was trikon (three corner) parantha, and no one can make it better than mummy…I am serious, NO ONE!!! Oh I missed her like hell, wanna see her so bad. Also, wanna eat trikon parantha made by her.<br /><br />Opened second pack, it was paneer parantha. Well, paneer parantha has always been my favorite. So missed Punjabiyat in me a bit. I need to visit Punjab asap, so that Punjabiyat stays in.<br /><br />While warming up trikon parantha and paneer paranrha, I opened last pack. A thought came across my mind - finally end of associations and memories, but the second I saw thepla(gujju bread made out of fenugreek, flour and spices) oh boy!!! My ex-mother-in-law must have sneezed. She used to make best gujju snacks. I still remember her at times. May Lord bless her.<br /><br />Life is fun for sure. I will see mummy and Punjab one day, but will never see my ex-mother-in-law…yeh jeewan hai vee!!! But hey, the world is small…kaun jaane kab kya ho jaaye.Shadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-71795143527483861312009-11-07T13:32:00.000-08:002009-11-07T13:45:06.579-08:00Abhi to main jawan hun...Today I was plucking extra hair from my eyebrows. Well, its not India that we can just walk in any corner of any random street and get a beauty salon, where someone is always ready to thread eyebrows. Here in the US, we have to go far away for a typical beauty job, that too after scheduling especially for specific job even if it is <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVmbHB2p4WM">eyebrow threading</a>.....:-)) This is the another point I will write about one day...its called cheap labor.<br /><br />Anyways, today when I was plucking extra hair from my eyebrows, I noticed a silver kinda line in between. I got confused and thought it probably was a fuzz or something...but, lekin, kintu prantu it was a white (gray) hair shinning with the light coming out of window. Funny, I could have never imagined a silver hair strand from my own eyebrows haa haa I do have few silver shining hair on my scalp, but eyebrows...come on.....<br /><br />Oh well how to say now ki <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUuXAHfQz7k">"abhi to main jawaan hun...</a>"Shadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1294775195044140009.post-34147179570914698092009-10-17T22:43:00.000-07:002009-10-18T03:48:52.848-07:00The Turning Point!I celebrated Diwali alone today despite the fact I had choices and chances to celebrate with people I know well, and despite I hate celebrating festivals alone. I just wanted to be alone.<br /><br /><br />It was my 4rth Diwali in the US, and 2nd alone without my ex. No, I didn't miss HIM and I'm happy about it. I refused to celebrate with others cos I didn't feel like being with anyone. I was stressed due to various reasons and loneliness was easy way out. I went to Gurudwara and came back in few minutes cos I wanted to. <br /><br /><br /><br />Well, I have just now confessed some truth to myself. The truth is weird and it made me cry. Oh man, too much of truth. I'm scared of losing my culture, my religion and my existence of being Punjabi Indian female. <br /><br /><br />At my parents place we used to celebrate Diwali in a certain way, which was 50% typical way and rest 50% made up due to needs and usage. So basically, I got 50% of 'real' way of celebrating which got reduced when I started celebrating festivals on my own. I, obviously, added my flavor into it and today I didn't even celebrate 25% of the way I used to celebrate. I had enough money with God's grace for Diwali and enough time too, but I just didn't!<br /><br />I slept in my bed until 4PM, escaping the truth that I need to do few things in order to celebrate festival. My biggest fear is that what if I lose the cultural effect of celebrations? What if I won't be able to pass the beautiful Indian heritage to my kids? I guess I needed a break to think and act with peace.<br /><br /><br />Then why am I so worried about it? I guess, I'm worried because I'm a very adaptable person and I have pretty much adapted American culture in last 6 years (few I lived here and few were due to my ex husband, who is born and raised in America). The way I work, eat, cook, live and do pretty much anything in life is more American than Indian. Reason? Its easy way to do things once you live and work in this country. I was never a typical Indian girl back home so it was easy to gel in to this world once I understood it. <br /><br /><br />Today while reading "the gori wife life" blog I figured out that why was I so lousy and scared of my own festivals. Few days ago my status message was "diwali kaiku aali re baba" which means why is Diwali coming!!! I don't want to face that I already have lost parts of my culture and heritage and in coming years I might loose more if I won't start saving it. The basic problem is no matter how hard I try I will lose bits and parts of my culture due to over exposure of this culture. <br /><br /><br />When I first met my ex-in-law family, I was surprised to see the double standard life even with their sons. I noticed that they chose to be like that as they weren't sure how to introduce their kids to Indian culture and also if kids will accept their culture or not. I often thought that may be they were somewhere ashamed of their heritage, or may be not....can't say! <br /><br /><br />Then I noticed many first and second generations from South Asian behaving same way especially who were less educated/less exposed to western culture before they moved here. Make sense, I guess. That time I decided not to lose my culture's best part and give that beautiful gift to my kids. I haven't lost much and hope when I will give birth to my kiddos and when I raise my kids, I still have those beautiful parts of my culture embedded in me. Amen!!!<br /><br /><br />Life is strange. Somewhere I want to be a gypsy and somewhere I want to hold on to my roots tightly!Shadows of lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07253823542803121608noreply@blogger.com1