Shadows of Life

"Welcome to my personal space. Please read, enjoy and don't forget to comment - Life is too short to wake up with regrets."

I will be back...

23:50 Posted by Shadows of life

Main ek din aaunga....main waapis aaunga...(song from some Hindi movie)

"Mom, I will be back, one day. Papa, I will be back one day...I dont know when that day will come but I will be back…"

As any other NRI I also say that to my family, to my friends and to myself…I will go back to India one day, forever. When I first met Indians living in the US or out of India (Non-Resident Indians) that time I couldn't understand why and how people kept saying throughout their life and then they never go back. After living in the US for few and after not been able to go back in these few years, due to different personal, professional and financial troubles, I do understand it better than before, but still, yet not that much....

Currently I have no savings to take a risk of going to India, and/or money to buy gifts for family, friends and all, and also peaceful mindset to enjoy the vacation. I know and do agree that coming from India to the US is harder for many than going back from here to India because converting every single paisa to the USD is just too much. The trick is if one has at least 5K or if one has few hopes to back... I wish I had one out of these two....but then if I have 5K I rather buy a car than spending all that in one month of visit although that one month’s visit is worth years of emotional time...and if I had some hopes back home, I would have rather moved back...

Life always give us options, some people had to choose today, some get the chance to look into past and can see the future just to find that had made their today…whatever that is now…

Life is about moving on....VJ, Move on......

Language barriers, is it really?

13:47 Posted by Shadows of life

Recently my next door apartment was taken over by new tenants. I saw a big guy and an old lady. She is probably 60+ and from the day first they moved, both mom and son tried to speak to me. I am not used to someone poking in my privacy, so I gave a neutral smile and avoided every time they passed by me. Well then, even when this Hispanic son excitedly told me that its first time he has actually talked to an Indian person. I raised my brows, gave hee hee kinda look and a neutral smile....well he was off my view from that day.

But, his mom was never away from my eyes. Every single time I opened my main door, she was somewhere around and she spoke to me in her funny tone and her language, Spanish. As I don't understand or speak the language, I started ignoring her. She never ignored me and always talked to me about 'something'. Luckily I never felt eve tease kinda look from them and neither I felt creepy look from her son, otherwise I would have understood her expressions well. Neither she nor her son had any creeping expression, they were just probably curious about me, or something like that.

Few days back, I saw her around my bus stop, holding a shopping cart(yeah, tell me about it) She was talking to some unknown lady. That lady looked at me and gave me smile when my neighbor stopped her talk with other lady and spoke to me about 'something'. Obviously, I didn't understand a thing but I just couldn't ignore, and finally, first time gave her smile.

From that day and until today she, my neighbor, as usual says something and I just give her a smile, a smile of assurance, a smile of understanding and a smile of recognizance. I still dont understand her at all, but she is part of my living when I open my main door, and when I pass by her...language has not stopped us from being "someone' for each other.


'Bus' yun hi...

00:33 Posted by Shadows of life

In the US, it is illegal to drink alcohol on streets or at open places, unless you are in an open bar or restaurant which has a certificate to serve liquor. I always thought India doesn't have a law like that, but I did come to know its not true! Indians just don't follow it and it gets okay with authorities if you can flash a bill of 50 or sometimes 100 rupees. Oh well, corruption is beyond the choice and above the reach of a common man, and always under covers of thoughts, and oh, in my little and lovely country.

The United States of America is different, or so I thought, until my today's bus ride. Oh Oh Oh patience readers, it has to be my way buddy! From the very beginning.

So today, in the evening, I was waiting at the bus stop and as usual either honking by stupid Hispanics (Sorry to be racist) or looks were kinda bothering me... luckily, came the bus. I asked driver if this bus goes towards my destination. He said yes, and I got in, paid my share of ride, put on my ipod and stood there. Next stop I got a seat, while I was about to sit, I noticed a young, good looking guy with long hair and weird glasses. He was taking out a bottle kind of thing from his plastic bag. The moment he took out a bottle, I recognized it. It was a Vodka bottle. He took a big gulp, breathed, another sip and put the bottle back in his bag. Then he took another bottle out, it was water, took few sips and put the bottle back. Right then someone from my back asked me if I was ever going to sit, ashamed me, sat down. I was still looking at him, with funny, weird and surprising expressions on my face. He looked at me and gave me a smile. I couldn't even take a smile. I looked around and felt as if no one noticed him drinking alcohol in public.

As a responsible citizen (oh well Alien) I wanted to talk to the driver regarding this and have him throw this alcoholic out of the bus....but, lekin, kintu, culture came in front of me, giving me a sarcastic smile...I took a deep breath, smiled back at my cultural ethics and pulled the string to notify driver, it was my stop.....


more to go and more to come....

13:56 Posted by Shadows of life

Today I was waiting for bus at the bus stop. I was a little tired and a little in my own mood. A guy, well not exactly a guy but an old man came and sat right next to me on bench. I looked at him as he kept staring at me. I felt weird and the second I pushed volume button on my ipod, he started saying something. I told myself, girl listen to him because it is possible that he need help. I took my head phone out of my ears and looked at him. He said something, in Spanish. I tried to read the expression, but he had only one expression...staring at my face.

Well, I can't speak Spanish and I can hardly understand it so I told this funny looking, fat ass, bald face man that sorry I can't understand Spanish. I expected him to shut up and chill out or leave my side. He was a moron so he kept staring, and kept talking in Spanish. I obviously had one choice, give up on explaining him, which I did. I got up and stood few steps away from bench. Ina second, he came and stood next to me....I got so pissed off that I gave him sharp look while saying, "get away or I will call 911." Phew, he left my side that very second, and bus came right away too. I felt better. Got in to the bus, gave a big "vim" smile to driver....

ha ha ha Now I am thinking that driver must have thought that I liked him.


wo gayi wo gayi lo wo to chali hi gayi....

01:21 Posted by Shadows of life

I am traveling by bus and trains these days. Reason is simple, I don't have car anymore :-( why not is a story, and I will write it one day. Anyways I have noticed that traveling in buses bring new observations, new thoughts and a calm way to meditate.

Today, I had to go somewhere so I went to bus stop, obviously to catch a bus. I checked its timing online, and reached to stop 5 minutes before its arrival time. I was listening to my ipod and was pretty lost in my own when I noticed a guy in his SUV honking at me. I looked at his face with a question in my eyes. He had nothing to tell me, nothing to ask either but it was just a eve teasing. A single girl is standing on bus stop and he is in a big car...damn why wont he bother me man? I felt pissed off. I was annoyed by waiting and looked at my cell phone. I guess bus was running late, so I went back to my music. 5 minutes more, two honks down and no sign of bus. Waited another 5 minutes, and then started walking. No point in waiting anymore. Bus was delayed by 25 minutes. I had lost my patience and walking sounded the best option.

Wind was blowing cheerfully, I let myself feel it and kept walking. Nice...but wait, what was that big thing passed by me? Shit!!! Bus went by me, without noticing me and I couldn't even do a thing. Should I wait? Keep walking? Go back to the stop or stop at next bus stop? Aggrrhh!!!! And here you go.....another honk!


Life goes on....and on...

01:24 Posted by Shadows of life

Since last few years, I have realized that no matter what never stop. Well, I knew this theory from childhood, but since last couple years I realized it deeply and practically. I am happy that I know this...Here is one of the experiences:

Two days back, I was talking to my attorney over the phone about my divorce. She called me randomly, when I was bull sitting on internet. While I was on phone, I heard a ting of chat massage from my was a message from the guy I went out couples of times. He was asking me if I was free. I suddenly lost my chain of thoughts. He asked again and told me to respond fast as he had to go offline. I wanted to say "yes" but instead I asked myself "how could you? Your emotional situation is not right, right now." I was still on the phone with my attorney about divorce and when my mind was talking to myself parallel that I noticed myself asking him, "what do you want to do?" He said, "does it matter?' I registered in my head (third thought) "it actually doesn't matter..." So to hold myself I responded "sometimes" And by now I was in two different zones, 180 degree opposite zones. He said, "do you want to come with me for dinner for Cinco de Mayo" I didn't even think twice and wrote - "Sounds fine" ...while I was still on phone with my attorney for my divorce.

I was closing one chapter, and destiny was opening new chapter for was going on....and on...

This all reminds me of one quote I love -

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us -
Helen Keller"