Shadows of Life

"Welcome to my personal space. Please read, enjoy and don't forget to comment - Life is too short to wake up with regrets."

Satrangi Rishtey

16:13 Posted by Shadows of life

Today while chatting online with my older brother, who happens to be my best friend, I asked him if the decision on 377 has been delivered. He replied right away that he is not from that society and hoping I am also not from that society either. That society obviously meant society or group of people who are gays, bisexual, lesbians, transgenders or queer. I wanted to say what if I am, will you stop loving me? But I just couldn't ask. I dunno why, may be I was cowered or I was not sure that he will understand the feeling of being gay. Even after being a straight person, it was hard for me to tell this thought to my brother...think of thousands of those who really are LGBTQ and can't share their love, happiness and life with their own families?

That was the moment when I realized so deeply that why many South Asians just cant get their all courage together and speak in front of their family, relatives or even friends. I felt so shaken. I felt a cold trembling feeling travel up my backbone. Oh how I wish I could help by simply brain washing typical cultural effects, probably the same way terrorists brain wash little kids and then they make kid army against human race...!

And as life is strange, and strangest is Vee Jay - I, next day, sent out email to Satrang stating that I am interested in volunteering with them. Today I am part of Satrang team as program coordinator and proud of it. I would love if any of you join us, work with us and be with us and find the true identity of being South Asian.

If you are homophobic and want to change the mind set, join us, if you are queer and don't know how to meet other South Asians, join us, if you are not sure what is it to be a queer, join us and even if you want to just help South Asians join us and/or join SAN...

(Will write more about these organizations in future posts)

Wrote on July 2, 2009 - the day India finally declared that homosexuality is NOT a crime. And July 2 happens to be my big sis's birthday too.

Ganging Up!!!

02:00 Posted by Shadows of life

I didn't know what 'gang' meant when I was in India. After I decided to change my profession and started doing what now I love doing, I gave attention and understanding to the meaning of the word "GANG"

The word gang meant 'a group of people' to me until I found that what those group of people can do...Welcome to the world of freedom and violence.

Not that in India there are no gangs. There must be many gangs, full of violence and full of cliques, but I wasn't aware of them; I am still not aware of any Indian gangs. I am more aware of American I know what it is to be in a gang, to be for the gang and to be around gang. It does seems funny thing but I do know now that now I know not just gangs, but gang members and many interesting details about it Crisps, Bloods, MS-13 or any other black, Hispanic, Indian, Phillipino or American gang...WOW!!! Life makes you grow fast even if you refuse to grow.

I have figured that the basic reason people become gang members is - need of protection, need to be there for your community, lost mindset, and need to do something and all that with the base of distorted family background...

I am lucky I was raised in a family where parents were always there for me and siblings, and they were there together, not single mother or single father...oh America!!!

Life is strange; it gives you its own fun feeling of freedom and living with the consequences of gangs, violence and distortion. God bless America.


P.S. I gotta write a lot on this topic; It has got stuck in the tiny heart, but will write some other day!!!

P.P.S. - I am not a member of any gang, and I am sure I will never be able to be one (thank you lord)

Keeping the faith while keep W-A-I-T-I-N-G

01:42 Posted by Shadows of life

Ruke ruke se kadam, ruk ke phir ek baar chale...

After months long wait; after fighting non-stop with **University**; after putting my life pretty much on hold; I finally got the letter saying: waiting list. Duh!!! More wait, and more wait!

Chalo yehi sahi ji....ab jo hai so hai!

Keep waiting and don't forget to keep smiling while waiting and living a 'hold' life!


Phool tumhe bheja hai khat mein.......

03:03 Posted by Shadows of life

Writing a letter is an art. I am serious. When I was growing up in the city of Chandigarh in India, I used to wait for my cousin's letter, for my relative's invitations through snail mail...and especially those days when my pen friends (pals) used to write to me. I lived each word of those letters, and I gave moments through each letter. Now-a-days no one write letters anymore, everyone use emails, facebook, twitter etc to keep in touch :-((

*sigh* receiving a letter, hand written letter was fun, and sending that feeling was double the fun...I still have those letters which my pals wrote to me, which my father wrote to me, which my mom sent me through snail mail...and all those greeting cards, which my brother sent me stating "I miss you" These days he sends me online greetings and emails *sigh*

I want to write letters again to 'someone' but the technology is grown so much that before my letter would reach to my "someone" we would have talked over the phone 10 times...ah!!! LOL

(watching movie "sarasvati chandra - what a movie and what a lovely song.........phool tumhe bheja hai khat mein)


random mood

21:21 Posted by Shadows of life

ज़िन्दगी में ऐसा वक़्त भी आता है जब मन इतना उदास हो जाता है की बस इचछा होती है की अकेले बैठो और सब कुछ त्याग दो....कुछ न करो, कुछ न कहो...बस सोचो और खाली पुलाओ पकाते रहो....

Twitter OR Wordpress

00:14 Posted by Shadows of life

Duh VJ.

I cant decide. Not that I need more commotion in my life but I do want more traffic in my life, traffic of un-knowns...why? ha ha

Okay, it has a history as well. When I used to be an actress in Delhi and when I used to go to see my family in Chandigarh via bus in the middle of the night, I used to plan my character. Let me start it properly (I am one and half beer down and need more proper ways to write) So every time I used to sit in Delhi - Chandigarh bus in the middle of the night, (buses run all day but I liked mid night bus cos I could save my whole day), I used to wear a character. It could be anything from married women to student to prostitution to a girl who eloped from her home or any random character from real life...and I used to plan my act according to that. Many a times these characters went to waste but most of the time I got the chance to speak with my follow passenger. Well, you might ask why would someone speak with you in the whole bus: obviously a 23-24 years old girl, beautiful too, alone in bus in the middle on the night...fellow passenger usually start the conversation until the end of their destination (mine used to be the last stop) and I used to speak and seek my heart out. Yes, I did used my those characters as therapy, and used to share my real life's problems with them and used to feel light. No relationship, no judgment - right? I was being truthful with my issues cos I was not going to see those people ever in my life...unlike one time (that story later) well, I did what I wanted to and now...

Now I want some new peeps in my life for the same reasons, and for same back to the topic: Should I choose twitter or wordpress? Help me unknown - known friends....

Muaaahhh to all (two beers down now)


No shame - No blame

00:00 Posted by Shadows of life

Homosexuality is not a crime anymore in India...Today is a day to celebrate. This is a good news, for many but I know many are sad or I should say offended. The simple reason behind this is the culture and the mind set which has been developed since childhood. The same way the Indian Penel Code made 377 against unnatural sexual activities. Read more here. court took the homosexuality out of that bunch and now being gay is not a crime anymore...but the real work starts right here. Now we need to start working towards that typical mindset.

Hopefully this all will get improved soon...very soon. Amen!

Pending Justice

19:44 Posted by Shadows of life

Today history is going to get changed in India. Today high court in New Delhi is going to take decision on homosexuality petition which was filed with court years ago by Naz Foundation. Read more here.

I am hoping for the positive results from hard core judges. Though I am sure they might not believe in homosexuality, but the pressure of media and technically strong people is strong so judges hardly have any choice. The truth is harsh and hard. Well, how can the law which was made in 19th century is still suitable in 21st century? Pray for my country and its people.

Keep the faith, Hope for the best.


P.S. - Do you think you want to help me raising awareness for the issue of queer (LGBT) if so please email me here.