India - My Life within and without

Today, all of a sudden while coming to office, I felt as if I am stuck in a life, in this moment and in this country. Its not that I don't like this country or I cant find my ways out...but its just weird feeling cos am feeling stuck in a monotonous job, in one specific relationship and in a feelings of emotions of being me. So I am going through some questions and some feelings with in me, I am writing here as well.

Planning : I should join some school, so I can achieve things faster than I am getting, but what course? which college? when and how? I know its easy to get money(actually on credit cards mostly) and its a lot easier to spend here, cos you have nothing to do but shopping and drinking.

Food - Ya, its available, in every corner, almost similar price for junk or non junk...healthy will cost you if you buy from store, if you don't buy its cheapest...or make food at at home, but I hardly cook now a days. Reason - NONE

Time : I wakes up exact one and half hour before I leave my place. By the time I reach home, I am so dead and frustrated, that I don't feel like cooking or even living for one more day.

Life : Doesn't suck as much it sounds here, but may be it does...am confused on that part....and I will be confused for lifetime...hey this is what life is.

Work : OH ya, I do job, every one is happy but me that I have job. I don't earn worth my abilities, but better than nothing so I HAVE to say that wow!!! I have a job.

Home : 4 walls, some furniture, a Roof and 2 cats..I have everything....oh ya and a husband as well.

Vacation : I forgot what it is, cos I haven't taken in ages. In India we use to do a bit here and there kinds things, so those memories I have, but not the feeling of vacation.

Exploring : Those are the moments which make me feel real alive, I enjoy it and I love it. I love taking pics and sharing my happiest moments. We do it here as well, but rarely, wish we could do more.

Driving : I thought I could drive well, cos I am not scared of driving anymore...but illusions does break one day.

Laughter : Only PJ's make me laugh out loud, but isn't thats healthy?

Beauty : I don't like it anymore....am better as a chasmish, grey hair and lost dressed kinda person, why? I do have my own reasons but better not to go there.

Priorities : I do have mine, but are they perfect one?

Perfection : AH!!!!!!! Saala yeh ghatiya dimaag (this crazy mindset)

Hmmm what else is left in here, guess nothing....