Shadows of Life

"Welcome to my personal space. Please read, enjoy and don't forget to comment - Life is too short to wake up with regrets."


00:30 Posted by Shadows of life

Dear female readers, A quick question...

What is it to be a female for you? How is it different that you were born as a female in this world OR you chose to change your gender, is it to be a female?

And dear male readers,

What is your take on female gender? How do you think you deal with female issues while being a male?

My two cents: I am very proud to be born as a female...but being a female comes with many issues and difficulties....but then females are the most strong gender as well.

What is your take on it?

Please share or email me...

Something big is coming up and your help is needed....

Hugs!!! And Thank You...

Vee Jay

Today's Television - We do love drama!!!

12:08 Posted by Shadows of life

I am not a big fan of TV. I never was, dunno why but never got hooked to it. I do watch TV occasionally with my kids. It is fun to see what kind of shows are common and getting good TRP now-a-days. I remember when I was working for TV in India, rating or TRP used to be the biggest god for TV artists...

Like today I saw Jerry Springer!!! what a show. I think I would never like to watch that show but my girls loved watching it and enjoy every bit of drama from it. oh well, they are teenage kids, they love drama :-)))

After Jerry's show a new show started, its called Steve Wilkos Show. I, unaware of today's TV style, thought it would be some crappy show as most of the shows are...but guess what? It was not a crappy show but it was a weird show; it talked a lot about what I like to work spoke somewhere my own language but in a way which is not very fun to watch. It dealt with people who are going through abuse and who doesn't know how to be out of it, and Steve, the host of the show, helped them find a way out. I appreciated his work. I liked the way he was dealing with victims; I liked the way he was so calm and quiet but made victims realized that they are wrong and how...He is a good man, I assume but again a TV artist who surely care about target rating point.

I had some issue with the show - it is called over exposure and wrong usage of reality. Basically, he and producers of the show used the real life drama and brought in front of camera...then they got some real deals on advertisements and here you go the TV show is ready to sell. Who wouldn't like to watch lifetime drama, some advice, free audience - the whole package is is all about how beautiful one can display their shiiit...

Oh well, isn't everything on TV is all about showoff, drama, crappiness and so called reality??? Movies are much better way to talk about reality without becoming a judge of any side.

Hypocrite moi would still love to work for TV shows over feature films...or would love to book some commercials for some TV show and make some hot commission...oh well, aren't we all hypocrite? I actually would never work for game shows, Talk shows or reality TV any more...its not my kind of TV though its TRP is really high...well human we beings just love drama...!!!

Now I am wondering what kind of shows Indian TV is showing? I am sure they are also mostly either talk show or reality TV style...anyone wanna inform moi?



18:58 Posted by Shadows of life

This song is very close to me. It is one of the most inspirational songs I have ever heard...I love this song more than anything at times. It has truth, it has power and it has voice of Kailash Kher...He has put life in these words.

Hope you all enjoy this song too, and if you do, leave your marks.

Thanksgiving - 2009

11:01 Posted by Shadows of life

So its the time of the year again - time to pay our thanks back and time to get our is the Thanksgiving time!!


Last year's Thanksgiving had somewhere different colors and hues in it, though this year it is not too skeptical, not too different!

Today is Wednesday, a day before Thanksgiving and I just came back home after celebrations. It was beautiful - four people sharing not just meal but happiness, smiles, wishes and love. It is just wonderful to have friends. Tomorrow, the actual day of thanksgiving, I will be relaxing (finally) at home for the first half of the day and second half I will enjoy yummy dinner with my work kids.

What is better than celebrating thanksgiving with those who I am thankful to - for my today's life, for their love and their passion and for all the smiles and choices I discover with them...what better way to celebrate a day full of happiness than to be with my little kids and their world? May lord give tons of happiness and smiles and of-course peace to all teenagers.

My special thanks for this year are for Sia, P and S...without them I would have been still floating in a weird river...Thank you for helping me find my path, thank you for being there and Thank you for being yourselves...May lord bless you with more love and happiness. Amen!!!

And wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving as well...just remember that life is beautiful.


One rule I learnt in childhood

04:24 Posted by Shadows of life

I was young, probably in my early teenage when I heard papa telling my brother that never take debt on your head and never ask for money from someone unless you have that much to pay back. I dunno how but it got stuck in my head and my heart.

Years later even today I dont borrow money, I dont take anyone's debt. I get my pay check, I pay my bills. While working with non profit groups, often its hard to save even a penny but I am happy I dont owe any money to anyone - not to credit cards, not to friends, not even to my parents...unlike someone who I recently found is still dependent on HIS parents...I feel ashamed for HIM...Wish, HE had choices to choose from in his life.

I feel pride in myself that I was able to follow this rule even after I moved to a new country, and even after I lived a real hardship here...I think it was papa's this rule only which made me keep going on and keep doing things...just to find my own meaning of life.

May god save others from hardship and from debts.



04:14 Posted by Shadows of life

I had two choices when I found my life is going no where:
1. Let the path lead me...
2. to find & lead my path...

I chose the later one. It was a hard choice. It made me go through hard parts of everything but one day I noticed I was standing on a road with passion bubbling up in my heart and that day I realized I had found my path. Today, I am walking on my path with passion and ambition, damn it is a hard path but it bring smile to me everyday, it gives me satisfaction each second...

Some where today I feel happy that once I was in dead depression because if I would have never been there, I would have never tried to look towards my choices.

Thank you Lord for giving me choices and helped me find and follow my path...This Thanksgiving is going to be amazing!!


Killing - one thought, many questions!!!

08:01 Posted by Shadows of life

I killed a squirrel today or so I think. I was on my way to work, driving and suddenly noticed few feet away from my car two squirrels were playing with each other: one crossed the street and another stopped in the middle of the street. I noticed it was far from my lane so I didn't slow down, but guess it moved right when I was close to it. I felt I might have hit it, to confirm I checked in left rear view mirror, noticed a stable squirrel on street, it might was either injured or dead and I lost a heartbeat.

I am still not sure if I have killed it or it was just injured, but I am feeling guilty. I was kept thinking about it throughout my way to work. I didn't stop to check upon it cos I was a bit scared of my own emotions. I might get in to weird depression if I find out that I have actually killed it, and if it wasn't killed I might have reacted totally different....I dunno...I am still confused. I am at work right now and I think I should give it few more hours before I come to any conclusion. But can I actually give it some time or stop thinking about it? Oh, I doubt it!!!

If I actually have killed an little animal while driving does that make me a killer?
Should I get some punishment for it?
Am I going to be comfortable with killings now on?
Does that mean I am a selfish person who couldn't stop to see squirrel because of my own emotions?
Am I really a selfish person?
Is it okay to kill an animal on street if they are careless while you are driving carefully?

Why am I thinking about it too much?
Whats wrong with me?

Jesus Christ, Lord Shiva, Lord Rama, Lord Krishna and all those Gods, whoever and wherever they are...I hope you will help that little squirrel....Amen!!


P.S. - I was just talking to Vrun about the incident and he told me that at times that feeling of 'may be' is stronger than being assured of something. I guess this is what made me keep driving than stopping at the incident and checking upon little animal...

Blogging, Hitler and Valkyrie...

22:51 Posted by Shadows of life

When I was little school girl, I was taught that Hitler was the best ruler; he was the best leader on earth. I, leader by nature, always wanted to become like him so I can lead everyone in my business and in my life, well pretty much!

When I first met my ex-husband, who was a politics major in college, we use to discuss Indian and American politics often. I was weak in politics but I knew Indian politics more than him and he knew world politics more than me, which made discussions more fun and knowledgeable. Once during those discussions Adolf Hitler's name came in, I told him that I always wanted to be like him. He had disgust looks and weird expression on his face. He asked me that I am not a violent person at all then why am I attracted to Hitler's characteristics. I told him what I was taught, he was ashamed of my education :-( after knowing the truth, I was too.

Sadly, he and his education was right and soon I found out I was taught many things wrong especially about world history. I dunno if today the education level is changed in India or not but I do know that I never ever want to be even H of Hitler forget becoming a leader like him.

After I moved to the US and met with those real people who, themselves or their families, had gone through Hitler's Holocaust, I realized how bad the Education system is in my country...I confess that I didn't do a thing to change it but I did talk to my little nephews about it and tried to tell them about Hitler's real face and about 'real' history...not sure how much they understood but I hope they dream unlike me and my generation about leadership.

I remember once my ex-husband went to a book store to buy his favorite marble comics and came back with 9th grade history book. The more he read, the more I became aware of what I was taught right and what not. oh well...with the age I did learn a lot and I am not done learning.

Today while watching Valkyrie, all those days came as a picture in front of my mind's eye and I thought of writing this blog. If we have even few of Col. Stauffenbergs in our various countries, this world will become a peaceful place for humans. And all I can do is pray for my both countries as well as rest of the world.

And that reminds me of Beenish's one read and comment on her these two posts about Anne Frank - Part one and Part two....

Until new thought come during sickness - Adios!!!

Vee Jay

I Hear America Crying...

02:15 Posted by Shadows of life

I do, I hear America crying everyday when I reach at work. When I see my little teenage kids I work with, when I hear another homeless kid on the block, when I see a new teenager at one of our recovery homes...I see America crying...

Two days ago, I was about to leave for work in the night and as usual radio was on and Dick Gordon was presenting "The Story"

I, one of the biggest fan of Dick's work and stories, suddenly found myself frozen when I heard this poem from high school teacher, who recite his student's work. I don't know who the owner of this poem is and who wrote it, but I do want to share it here for all my readers and my fellows. If the author reads this poem, please do contact me so I can give you credit as a writer.

Here is 'the story' presented by Dick Gordon...good work.

The poem is based on Whitmen's song "I hear America singing" This poem is called "I hear America Crying..."

I hear America crying the very carols I hear
those of single mother each one crying to sleep at night as they try
to brainstorm new ways to make ends meet

The little boy crying for a father figure
some one who he can look up to
and teach him how to be a man
the addict in every family crying as he or she struggle to stay clean
just so that he or she can win back custody of their child
the young teenage mother crying, hoping she will be able to graduate high school
and not become another teen statistic
the father crying behind the bars as he try to explain to his only daughter,
how come daddy isn't home
the insecure girl within all of women crying
as we struggle daily to learn how to love ourselves, unconditionally
the awful cry of a single mother or the little boy or the addict
each crying about what eats up with them...
the day that belongs today, at night the party of young fellows
upset, disappointing, singing with open mouths
their strong melodies songs...

I hear America crying...

On a mission - looking for that light at the end of the tunnel.

The Donut story...

00:35 Posted by Shadows of life

It was a beautiful morning. Unexpectedly, I slept well at night. I woke up, got dressed and left as usual - just few minutes later than my normal schedule, and I was happy, seriously. I thought I will stop by at 7/11 and pick some donuts for my teenage girls and my co-worker. I did pick up few donuts, came back to my car and the Asian guy next to my car told me that I had a flat. I didn't understand him and asked him that what he meant. He showed me my right front tire, which was flat. Jesus Christ!!!

I once again called AAA, gave details and waited outside my car, right after I informed my co-worker that I was going to be late. AAA guy came, took off the flat tire and changed it with spare tire. I looked at spare tire and asked why was spare a weird looking, thin and baby tire? He looked at me as if I am a weirdo and said,"because it is a spare?" I still didn't get it. After all this was my life's first flat tire which I was handling all by myself. I clearly told him that I didn't know what that means and asked him if he can please explain. He was better with his looks this time and explained that spare is a temporary tire and it is small in size because it is not permanent tire (I got it dude and whats next???) Next he explained that I can't drive over 50 miles/hour with spare, and if I drive on freeway I might get a ticket.

I was standing in weird shock when he left. I didn't know what to do. I knew only one way to work and that was freeway, not that I was unable to find a street way out but hello...taking streets to 10 miles away job...are you kidding me? Jeez...well, I thought of taking the risk and drove on freeway while I made sure I don't go over 55 miles/hour. I was irritated while driving on freeway as I drive 80+ miles per hour on freeways. Today being Sunday the freeway was empty and I had to resist my urge to drive 'normal' speed. Oh well, I was once afraid of driving on freeways, remember anyone?

I finally reached to work and the first shift went well. I called my second job and told them that I was going to be late, and went to pepboys. The guy from Pepboys checked my car and its tires. He clearly told me that I needed two new tires for the front. I tried to argue and he clearly said, either fix it today or keep driving on spare until you are not safe I gave my car for fixing. They changed two old tires to two new tires and oil was changed...and I paid a big price for it...well, safety matters!

Later, I found out the spare tire is known as donut for some reason. I smiled thinking that I wanted to buy donuts and I got donut...oh well, co-incident I guess :-)

Vee Jay

The Parantha Time

20:19 Posted by Shadows of life

Few minutes ago when I was starving, I opened freezer and took few frozen paranthas out. One pack of masala parantha, one pack of paneer parantha and one frozen thepla pack. Yummmm. Made chai, opened new pack of yogurt and warmed up flat pan so I could defrost/cook my paranthas. Opened first pack…jeez!!! I wanted mummy.

It was trikon (three corner) parantha, and no one can make it better than mummy…I am serious, NO ONE!!! Oh I missed her like hell, wanna see her so bad. Also, wanna eat trikon parantha made by her.

Opened second pack, it was paneer parantha. Well, paneer parantha has always been my favorite. So missed Punjabiyat in me a bit. I need to visit Punjab asap, so that Punjabiyat stays in.

While warming up trikon parantha and paneer paranrha, I opened last pack. A thought came across my mind - finally end of associations and memories, but the second I saw thepla(gujju bread made out of fenugreek, flour and spices) oh boy!!! My ex-mother-in-law must have sneezed. She used to make best gujju snacks. I still remember her at times. May Lord bless her.

Life is fun for sure. I will see mummy and Punjab one day, but will never see my ex-mother-in-law…yeh jeewan hai vee!!! But hey, the world is small…kaun jaane kab kya ho jaaye.

Abhi to main jawan hun...

13:32 Posted by Shadows of life

Today I was plucking extra hair from my eyebrows. Well, its not India that we can just walk in any corner of any random street and get a beauty salon, where someone is always ready to thread eyebrows. Here in the US, we have to go far away for a typical beauty job, that too after scheduling especially for specific job even if it is eyebrow threading.....:-)) This is the another point I will write about one day...its called cheap labor.

Anyways, today when I was plucking extra hair from my eyebrows, I noticed a silver kinda line in between. I got confused and thought it probably was a fuzz or something...but, lekin, kintu prantu it was a white (gray) hair shinning with the light coming out of window. Funny, I could have never imagined a silver hair strand from my own eyebrows haa haa I do have few silver shining hair on my scalp, but eyebrows...come on.....

Oh well how to say now ki "abhi to main jawaan hun..."