India - My Life within and without

Today is Thanksgiving day in USA, Thanksgiving day is also known as day of Turkey, a long Weekend and a weekend for Family meet in US & today...November 22, 2007, Snehal is sleeping after his car race experience and am on net, once again.

Actually I don't have much idea about exact history of Thanksgiving, but as much as I could understood, its a day when people pay their thanks to Pilgrims and to their families. And to enjoy this day most of Americans spend this time with their family and enjoy long weekend with them, they all cook food together, eat together and relax together. Its also known as paying Thanks to Pilgrims of Native Americans aka Native Indians. According to wikipedia Thanksgiving is: "Thanksgiving, or Thanksgiving Day, is a traditional North American holiday to give thanks for the things that one has at the conclusion of the harvest season. Thanksgiving is celebrated on the fourth Thursday of November in the United States and on the second Monday of October in Canada."

As much as I have known Americans, most of them are from all over the world. Around 200 years ago these people have chased Natives out of US and took everything of Real Americans and made US a new world of its own...its just funny for me cos both of these histories doesn't gel very well, at least for me.

Anyways as during the Thanksgiving, people visit their families & relatives and spend these 4 days with them, traveling becomes a big time business. People spend money on Travel and food, giving gifts are not very common during this time. Food which mostly include Turkey, mash potatoes with gravy, pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce, yams and rolls, get cooked & shared with family and friends. Actually this is a fun time cos you get to spend time with your relatives, you relax after hectic days of work and you cook and eat homemade tasty food...traditionally most people eat Turkey on this specific day...I observe a fast on every Thursday so I will not be able to eat anything but Snehal want to eat Turkey so most probably we will go to some restaurant where he can have turkey...Snehal being the American, feels exited about this Holiday & I being new to this country feels a bit strange but still exited about it. This is my second Thanks giving in US...last year we visited family friends but this year its just we two...and we are our family...yehhhhhhhh..........:)))

When you see all the world around you visiting their families, you tend to miss your parents and family. I am missing my family from Chandigarh today....its been so long that's I get to celebrated any festival or any function with them. Its nice that Americans have this holiday when you are kind of forced to meet your family, but we Indians being who are Family oriented, don't have such holiday. Actually most of Indian families live together as joint family, so they don't need any holiday of such kind. But I guess we will have to make one new holiday now for my kind of people who live apart from family on their own and alone...we also need time and break to see our parents. Well, I miss my parents today...very much, wish I could see them soon.

I saw "Hazaron Khawaishen Aisi" by Sudhir Mishra today...I felt sad and more than that I felt as if I am a cowered...the same way many Indians are. I had a chance and option direct my life in towards those parts where I can make difference & what can make me feel proud of myself, but at that point of life I refused to be myself, I refused to serve to my own country in urge to earn and learn more. I have a theatre as my background and I had options to choose it and use it to live and help my world, the world I belonged to...I had option to do plays and teach people about life and safety and educate them...but I moved to Delhi to get higher study in Theatre (which am not part of anyways) I went to Mumbai to work in Cinematic world(which is shattered too) and I am in US now...which is...........never mind!!!!!!!!!!!

At the same time on the positive note...I am in US, where money flows in every thing and every wing. People waste food and waste money for some moments of fun, I just need to be sharp now, NOW I can help more consciously and more smart way, by donations and by making all these Americans donate for that "3rd World" I belong to. I have started somewhere and need to go far and high in this ambition.

I got a chance to be associate with a school who educate in skills to mentally retarded kids in Mumbai, I am trying to help from my base & am sure it can make difference to those people who are my own...I wish I could connect to more and help more, but am slow too...living factor is making me slow as well. I just need a cause to live to be what I can be.

The lesson for today:
The happiest people don't have everything in life.
They just make the BEST of everything that life brings their way. :-)

I went to Little India town today...I expected myself to be jumping and happy and having fun in there, but it was just normal feeling to me, I took it as if I am in any other part of US. This time I went after a month or so, still I wasn't very cheerful and very exited...so did America have really changed me? Why did it seems like any other part of America? Am defiantly scared and weird out....what the hell is going on with me? Gosh!!!!!!!
I did got some experience which will help me write new things for me...but that later, right now...I need to hold that moment inside me.

its hurting...deep inside...somewhere killing my mind and somewhere its killing me but when I see people enjoying every bit of it...I feel may be something is wrong with me itself, otherwise why would people love all crap work and all that is been made and why would people put their precious money in the making of it, why would someone want to direct such baseless story? Why would most of the busiest actors work for these movies?

Well I have been the part of Bollywood industry, and enjoyed my time there...at the same time I did strugged on every step, for logics and for meaning and for many more things to be part of the system, but guess it takes ages to change one system & one theory and it takes many hands to build TajMahal...

I saw Kabul, starring John Abraham and Arshad Warsi two days back and thought about it for two days and felt ashamed cos once I was a part of Bollywood cinema...

My questions are very genuine and logical...but I have got no answers:

What was Director/Producer thinking that War in Afghanistan and Mid east is all about Pakistan?

When are we going to look at India and Pakistan beyond partition and cricket?

When are we going to see that world is full of other issues beyond these two countries and their old partition.

When are we going to look at Art Department and property department of Indian cinema?

Why KUCH BHI CHALEGA is accepted in Bollywood?

When are we going to pay attention to serious issues of film making in this world?

Gosh!!!!!!!!1I am sorry and not sorry at the same time...I felt bad that one small country of world who annualy makes most of the movies of world cinema, produces more than 80 percent of crap, cheap and nonsense movies...I am really ashamed.

Zindagi hai Zindagi,
Na hoti zindagi to takhleef hi kyon hoti,
Jo hai zindagi to takleefen bhi hai,
Gar takleefen na hoti to
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kyon hoti Zindagi.

© Vim

I have lived in India all my life and had gone through many accidents...sometime small and silent sometimes bad and sometimes almost worse....luckily never major...but I have seen major accidents. In India, specially in major cities people take their personal frustrations out while driving & helping others, this way they help themselves too. To help anyone, known or unknown, they will abuse and hit the accused one on behalf of you, with out thinking if that person is right or wrong. On top of that, most of the times these 'helpers' will leave wounded people on road, as they dodnt want to get in to any trouble. Main reason, our laws are not in favour of common man & their benefits. and then later common man has to pay by sufferings for helping others, but lekin, kintu, prantu...people die in accidents and people live through in accidents...

A common scene from Mumbai accident : A motorcycle rider is trying to cross a road and waiting for his signal and suddenly Rickshaw wala( three wheeler driver) comes and crosses him harshly without waiting for signal, in this process motor cyclist get some bruises.....but he ignores...and later in his madness & frustration of this incident, he tries to hit another rickshaw driver and suddenly 50 people comes forward and swearing at him and abusing him for bothering a poor rickshaw driver...and suddenly a cop car sound, everyone is gone and road is empty, no cop comes, no report happened, no emergency vehicle came...sab mamla solve ho gaya...this is a regular accident situation, even if its small or big...reason life is not precious, we have many people in India...it is crowded...full of people...if you want please feel free to take some...

On the other hand, I have seen major major accidents in US and today the bus I was traveling in, went thru a minor accident and for those 15 minutes no one in the bus realised that bus had an accident and on small phone call report was submitted to cops and emergency was informed...if I wasn't standing in front I would have missed it as well...its different and weird for me but its true cos it did happened in front of my eyes. I didn't knew how to respond to it but then its true that life is precious here and people get their respect every way in this world...

Two different world, different cultures and I am the one common in between...

Its easy to say we should live happy and positive...but is it true that we can live this way and that too easily?

Actually yes it is...try to forget what is making you negative and to forget make sure you hate that specific moment not the person not the emotion and not even the reason for that moment just hate that specific moment...and you will feel like flying high in the sky (without any drugs) I did it in past and I actually felt good about it later on...I am trying once again..but this time its "YOU" who is bothering me, whose emotions make me come back and who's touch make me feel I am alive...I do hate you and I wish I could love you for lifetime...AH...its no one else its my MUMBAI.

How much I wanna forget the moments I have lived with you and how much I wanna live those moments again...well, life is not as small too that I cant go back to Mumbai and live those moments once again....I wish it just happen more faster than its possible.

WISHES..NEVER ENDING WISHES
LIFE ENDS FASTER
WISHES NEVER END
I DONT WANNA END
WITH MY UNDEAD WISHES
I WANNA LIVE MY WISHES...
TODAY AND TOMORROW AND FOREVER...

So Diwali is gone...I did celebrated, I made my own rules and my own ways to celebrate diwali in this unknown country of mine. I was going thru some issues of life so I could not go to Little India to buy what I wanted to buy for Dhanteras and Diwali so I went to stores close by and bought some of the things which somewhere satisfy the route of happiness and satisfaction for me during this festival season...Indian festival season.

We use to buy diyas(clay lanterns) two days prior Dhanteras and soak them in water so it absorbs most of the water and it don't soak extra oil or ghee. After a day we use to keep then on clean towel or paper in sun so thye are fully dry and we can lit them well. Next and third day which is Dhanteras...we use to put mustard oil in some of the diyas and let it stand for few minutes and then after the puja, we used those diyas to decorate the house...and this process goes until bahidooj OR bhaibeej which is 5th day from Dhanteras...all these edays have different names...Dhanteras, Choti Diwali, Diwali, Vishkarma day and then Bhai dooj...as I have mentioned earlier too that we then give sweets to friends and family and our loved ones and then fireworks, the bigger the gifts and fire works the most biggest rich you are in town...

Anyways that was a traditional way of celebrating with modern style...am in a country where Diwali has no meaning even for some Indians and I am not surprised cos this coutry is based on different religion and different rules of life. I celebrated this diwali with fun rule...I bought tons of candies, chocolates & small size candles. I did puja (prayer) at fixed time and this time I was all alone to finish it so I grabbed my own arm and started puja by lighting brass diya and some candles. I put some chocolates in My Mandir, I have made at home and some coins as we do Lakshmi Puja (goddess of Money) I turned some aartis (religious songs) on my laptop and tried to sing in my broken voice with it...it was all done in 10 minutes and then I took some candies, chocolates and some candles and went to see my neighbors..they were more than happy to light a candle outside their apartments and accept chocolates from me...I lit some candles in front of every body's place and many more in row in front of my place...I came back and I was back to my table and back to laptop and internet...Diwali was fun and it was none...still positive side...I was able to celebrate diwali...I wasn't disabled or sick to be part of this.

Ok, I was sad...I am still a bit but I am trying to cheer up. I have no one to share my moments with, no one to speak to...so it becomes more harder to cheer up, but its not impossible.

This is God Ganpati and Goddess Lakshmi's image.

First thing First:

Happy Diwali to everyone here and hope you all enjoy this festival of lights.


Festival of lights means the festival which represent lights, in any from any color and any shape. This festival actually started as religiously act of welcoming God Rama after he win over Evil and came back to Ayodhaya with his wife. there are other views also available in our myths cos our religion(Hindu) changes its shape and style every 25 to 30 miles, but now a days I only see people performing prayers to Ganesha and Lakshmi. In the fire burn all your sins and obstacles and live a new year with happiness and fun.

According to Myths We Indians celebrate it as respect and welcome to God Rama after his 14 years of exile in forest, But with the modern time, its more or like holiday time, when you have excuse to buy things and gifts for your personal self, family and friends.

Basic celebration include performing prayers to God Ganesha (God of Obstacle) and Goddess Lakshmi (Goddess of Money) I don't know where God Rama disappeared in all these events cos it started as welcome to God Rama to his Ayodhaya, but now its more about welcoming lakshmi and Ganpati and prayers include about blessing personal self to Loved ones for better life and save from Obstacles and poverty. We pray for better life, better business and more money and that too with out any obstacles (ya alright, what a dream we carry on our shoulders) After prayers we light candles and diyas all over our house and around our home, then we distribute sweets to neighbours followed by fireworks. Its a fun and loud night if you are in India, specially big cities, the bigger the city more the crowd, fun, pollution and showoff.

When to celebrate this festival - Courtesy wikipedia - The Amanta ("ending on the new-moon") version of the Hindu Calendar has been adopted as the Indian national calendar. According to this calendar, which is prevalent in southern India and Maharashtra, the 6-day celebration is spread over the last four days of the month of Ashwayuja (Ashwin in Marathi) and the first two days of the new month of Kartika. According to the Purnimanta ("ending on the full-moon") version prevalent in northern India, it falls in the middle of the month of Ashwayuja/Ashvin. In the Gregorian calendar, it falls generally in the months of October or November. In 2006, it was celebrated on October 21, a Saturday. In 2007 it will be celebrated on November 9, a Friday.


This day supposedly moon does not appears in sky and we light our houses with Diyas and candles, so it is light all over even if its no moon night, Well I guess Rama came during the night and people lit his way and this is why its known as festival of Lights.

So this is basically Diwali festival...I love this festival obviously cos its holiday time and gifts time, but more over sometimes its just the hype of it which make me love these moments about India. I always try to perform Prayers the way my Mother told me and the way I have learned on my way to life. Although am not a very hard hard hard core religious person, like anyone else I also mold and move religion to my convience.

Last year I had just moved to USA at Diwali times, we celebrated Dusshera in Ahmedabad and Karwachauth in Chandigarh and Diwali with Snehal's parents in Chicago. It was not the way I wanted my first Diwali at my In laws place, but I wasn't very disappointed cos we have tons of relatives to be with during festival time in Chicago. This time its more tough for me, I am all alone, mindset is not comfortable, personal issues and all over again...USA...not aperfect place for Mumbayikar like me...I tried to celebrate Dhanteras quietly and with peace inside me, but I guess I failed(may be not to full extend but still...) Tommorow is Diwali and I am trying to keep my cool and relax mind in front, cos I want to do at least prayers with peaceful mind. The sweets have turned into chocolates and diyas have become Xmas candles and I have no clue about gifts.

So this is my Diwali...how did you celebrated festival of lights and what you got as gift?

V J

I am feeling feverish and a bit of cold, cos weather is changing and I don't enjoy work here all the time...so its coming out as fever. In India when any one have fever or is not healthily good, we make such a big fuss as if person will die and try to cut the fever out as much as possible and fever comes back cos it was not allowed to be gone...and one more thing we do, it does work sometimes and sometimes it doesn't. We use herbs and home made medication for any kind of sickness, it could be same symptoms but probably different disease...

I was talking to my colleague about my sickness and he said its good cps you need to kill those germs from your body, so when body will be warm they will get killed and you will feel fine...

I know both are same things and same way, but I am seeing it a bit differently cos I AM SICK and I want to have some herbal thingies to cure myself not pills as I hate pills....although I hardly took any in India but I want it now with Mummy's love in it!

So we have come to time saving timing in US, which means everyone at one specific time move their clocks and watches one hour back so we can have more sunlight in the afternoon evenings during the summer time, as we don't need it as much in the winter time so we "fall back" to normal time. We get up late and sleep early but its again one and the same thing cos evenings are not bigger but it just seems as if we now have 1 hour here and there....I do not understand the concept but may be this is right thing to do...whatever...AMERICANS...weirdo

I am missing India once again and it starting bothering me once again...every time when I am almost at the edge of a new phase it bothers me...I have no friends here(I mean it)NO FRIENDS and no one whom I can just call for no reason and tell them to hang out with me and take me out of my mindset...I am stuck here. I do not see any reasons to move back to India and any reasons to live here, so what should I do...go and live in UAE as I am planning since 2 weeks now...I have no clue what its like there same way I didn't knew how its like in America. Its not that everything sucks here but most of the things are out of my hands and this is the reason it bothers my life. I wan to enjoy and adjust to world but I feel so laid back in comparison ot some peopel around me thta I may can show I know this world and that world but at the same time I really have no substancial facts in my hands...sucks is nt it and its not even education or knowledge its just general behaviour, its just th eway we think in India and we have to think in US....


Whatever I am starting a life which is my life here and its hapening rather than stuck somewhere :))


VJ