Shadows of Life

"Welcome to my personal space. Please read, enjoy and don't forget to comment - Life is too short to wake up with regrets."

Happy New year!

23:55 Posted by Shadows of life

Dear Known, Unknown reader,

Wish you the best of 2009. Hope this year is better than previous years. Have fun. Stay connected.

Share and Enjoy, life!


नए साल पे इक पुरानी दुआ

19:23 Posted by Shadows of life

दुआ निकलती है, नए साल के नाम पे,
आँख भर आती है, गुज़रे साल की याद से.

उम्मीद बस यूँ ही है नए साल से,
कि कत्ल न हों, न चले बंदूकें, न हो बमबारी कहीं,
इश्क रहे, रहे दोस्ती, और बढें प्यार की बाहें हर कहीं,
ना मिले कातिलाना वो, जो मिला गुज़रे साल में.
दुआ है बस यही, आने वाले साल में.

गुज़रा तो गुज़र गया, चलो कुछ यूँ करें,
थाम लें बांह इक दूजे की, आओ कुछ कदम, साथ साथ चलें.

मुबारक हो साल नया,
दे यह खुशियाँ हज़ार, और प्यार नया,
हो उम्मीद से भरा, यह संसार नया
जिंदगी का हो हर रुखसार नया,
मुबारक हो यह साल नया!
मुबारक हो यह 2009 नया!

Copyright 2008 © Vim

Down the Memorylane - 2008

22:11 Posted by Shadows of life

The year 2008 was one of the best and one of the shoddier years of my life and as per my experience, it was pretty similar way for many in this world. The history was made when Obama got elected as the president of United States of America.

In 2008, the economy was in its worse condition which crashed many American dreams and hundreds of regular dreams. 2008 brought more violence acts in the world, including gun shots in Mumbai, bomb-blasts in Sri Lanka, Pakistan, Afghanistan, and war at its worse in Iraq. It was defiantly a harsh year, but somewhere it was a year, which taught us patience, the year for expression, and the year for something unexpected, unwanted. After living, with my full energy, parallel to the 2008, I won’t mind calling it, ‘The year of unexpected hopes and expected patience’

Personally, my year was full of trivia, full of life, which turned around as positivity and many times low self esteem. Let’s see what I achieved in 2008 and what I lost.

January 2008, that major thing happened, which affected my every single moment of 2008. I left HIS house, forever and started living alone…YES, I finally separated from HIM, his life, his family, his love and most important his violence & his drugs. Life didn’t come easy after I left him, infect it was harsh and hard on me. But, living alone taught me new things and new ways of being self again. I filed for divorce after months of confusion and tons of pressure of heart to be with him. Now soon I will be a free person, free of HIS litter and HIS love, his care and his life…his touch and his hitting, on my body, my heart & my mind.

January 2008, I got a car from HIM as a gift. May 2008 onwards, I started driving on freeways. Well, I used to be scared and worried of it for long, but I achieved it. I now drive everywhere, infect, I will be driving to SFO for New Years Eve. SFO is 6 hours drive from LA. I love driving, I enjoy it more on freeways with the speed of 65-70+ Well truthfully 80 miles per hour is the best fun ;)

July 2008, I lost one job, I was laid off. I experienced a life of a jobless person in the US. I was desperate, tired, hopeless and negative while searching for new job, but… took too long to find the one I can get adjusted to. Now I have a job, which I found with the help of a friend. It’s not a dream job, but it has helped me understand the career path, I want to take for future. It’s part of my last year’s plan of opening a NGO. I am working with kids, who were homeless once.

September 2008, I started school, YES, I DID IT!!!! I started studying photography, English creative writing and management. I got grade ‘A’ in my most of the classes, which has given me more confidence for starting studies after 10+ years. Now I am feeling that I’m getting ready for the education and I want to do my Masters soon.

I made tons of friends in 2008. It came as a blessing for me. My friends, my true, little, big, real friends, helped me getting over the worse situations of my lie. They gave me shoulders to cry on and smiles to share with others. They are my moral support, more than my own family back home. My friends are precious to me, more than that man, who promised to take care of me, as husband, for lifetime and I am able to accept this truth.

I wrote a lot in 2008, and I got published in 2008 as well. I wrote professionally for an Indian newspaper ‘India-West’ I was excited and happy when I was given the first job and many jobs followed up. I was not only published in newspaper but on their website as well. I wrote few short films, few stories and many blogs, many poems. I wrote to satisfy my heart, to calm my mind and/or to share my thoughts with the world.

I did a lot of photography in 2008; the visual way to express your moments and your feelings. I enjoyed learning the basic way of photography.

I also did lot of freelancer work in Hollywood. It made me feel free, and independent. I produced, directed and did cinematography for few videos. I got paid for the work I enjoy doing and for those ways, I learned while working.

I partied a lot in last few months of 2008. It was another way to run away from emotional stress, but it was a healthy way to feel stress less by dancing & spending time with friends.

I have cut down on alcohol too in 2008. I still drink wine, but not as much as I was drinking in 2007. I am trying to control many of these habits such as remembering him and his habits, just to keep him alive in my life. I am happy that I am not a failure in quitting bad things, but a success on my own.

I guess, this post will keep going on and on and on, because the year 2008 was a year full of activities, and full of achievements and full of failures too…but everything came unexpectedly, unwillingly & impatiently.

I am not sure, if I should call myself in real bad situation during the year of 2008, but I know this for sure that many people, were pressurized to leave their life, their homes, their families and much more. I think staying positive towards life has given me alot for self, especially after I left a dream of starting a family in 2008.

If in one sentence I have to say about my 2008, I would say; I gained my own self, my happiness and most important, my freedom back in my life during 2008.

I wrote about my 2008, now I tag 5 people for to write about their 2008.

1. Vinod
2. Sandeep
3. Senthilthyagarajan
4. Ipshita
5. Gurmeet

Six Degrees of Sepration!

23:34 Posted by Shadows of life

Life is small and so is this world. Sometimes, all of a sudden you see someone and realize that someone is connected to your some other one, which makes you think about how small is this earth. They say we all are separated by 6 degrees. Every sixth person of the world is connected to each other by one mean or another.

I met a girl few days back, through another friend of mine, and no prize for guessing that this new girl in my life was connected to me through other ways too. She belong to the same city I was raised in, same surroundings, same ways but we never crossed our path when we were there. We both moved from that city to another for almost 4 years, we were there too close by but again never crossed our paths...not even once. Now, here in the US, all of a sudden we met through another friend, who don’t even belong to my country, forget city or town.

My new little friend, also love to party, same way I love to party. We both can easily skip sleep for parties. We both love the city we belong to and very adjustable to the city we live in right now. Well, we are pretty much similar in ways of living and thinking of life. We do belong to same community, same culture and pretty similar ways of being ourselves, which opens up new topics and new thoughts to discuss. Every time she has stayed up at my place, we talk until wee hours of morning…and still not bored.

Ok, must be weird to write about a friend, who I met all of sudden, for no reason what so ever…but this is more like expressing the feelings about the six degree of separation. The world is small and life is smaller than that, so folks…go out, enjoy this world and live as much as you can...!

Live life, Queen/King size!


Scattered thoughts after Mumbai attacks!

00:03 Posted by Shadows of life

After Mumbai attacks, with tons of petition emails, I received few website links, sent by obviously either Hindus or Indians. One day while sitting idle at home, I opened one of the links. That link was for a youtube video and video was a television show from Pakistan. I started watching that Paki TV show and realized it was about a discussion about Mumbai attacks. After watching it for few seconds, I found out that few hypocrites from Pakistan were trying to save their ass, after Indian hypocrites blame their countrymen for the attacks in Mumbai. They took their sweet time to mold the words, to change the meaning of statements given by Indian Government. At the same time India didn’t kept quiet and blamed Pakistan about everything happening in the country, while Indian TV channels were blaming Pakistan with open heart for everything wrong with their system.

They were trying to state that India has no power or no strength to fight with terrorism. I say, India does have power to fight, but sometimes ignoring works better…not always though. I wish, one country, just one country in the world, takes the step against terrorism, and believe me most of the countries will take the same path. Btw, if India has no power to fight terrorism, why doesn’t Pakistan take its first step? Oh well....!!!

On top of that, in few interviews of their guys, they used the interviews of Indian politicians, molded them according to their interest and presented as if Indians are stupid piece of shit. I was offended. I am not one of those people who are still waiting for India and Pakistan to be one country, but I didn’t like the way they used my country and then insulted it. We Indians can do the same, but eye for an eye, makes the world go blind. I do know in my heart that I sound like those weird interviews from Pakistani television, but then maybe they were highly offended by aimless, heartless and clueless Indians…

Before I move any further with this topic, I have to confess this for sure, that I do feel the need of blaming Pakistan for many terrorist attacks in India…as if its not clear here he he he. After all hamara rishta hi kuch aisa hai na, because the history of Pak-India is bus kuch aisi si hi hai…

Well, I do know this for sure that my this hidden feeling, won’t ruin friendship and love between me and my Pakistani friends back home and here in the US too, because I am not blaming them, I am blaming the system, we all have been raised with. The system we were raised with Or should I say we all were pressurized to be raised with…I wish I could write beyond my emotions on this subject, but I don’t have anything above emotions for Pakistan and India relationship.

Mumbai Attacks - After Effects!

23:29 Posted by Shadows of life

I started writing this article few days back, but I didn’t get the chance to finish it so today Dec 14, 2008 I am finally finishing it while I’m still confused and I am still searching for answers.

I don’t know what had actually happened. I seriously have no idea. You can call it, ignorance or laziness or whatever suits your mood, but I know only that limited part of it, what I heard on ABC and read in few online newspapers. I do know that whatever has happened, that has happened for the worse and hopefully for the last time. I think Mumbai have had enough. It’s beyond its share and it’s beyond the power of acceptance at this point. A simple Mumbaikar, a normal innocent person, who is trying his best to make the ends meet, who is struggling every day, so he can feed his family and his own stomach, that common man have had enough. Being the old Mumbaikar, I am sure, we were getting used to the bomb blasts, to the flooded streets and to those riots, which were the results of political crap based on behalf of being Marathi or non-Marathi. After living for few years in Mumbai aka Bombay, one of my favorite cities in the world, I have had enough for Mumbai. At this point, this is beyond everything; this is beyond being human and religion. It has not just killing humans, but the destroying the love in the hearts and emotions of common man, living in the Mumbai or anywhere in the world.

Back to Mumbai attacks; some people, known as terrorists, took over two five star hotels, and started gun shots after the late hours in the evening of Wednesday, Nov 26, 2008 and kept the killing route going for 60+ hours. According to news, their major objective was to kill the foreigners living in India, but I think their basic aim was to destroy the peace of a healthy city. After killing more than 200 people and 100s injured, they did what they planned for. I know they did it, I am sure many of us are trying to ignore the real fact; because either we are scared or we believe in thinking positive, all the time; and the fact is, they have destroyed our peace. They have hit hard on our patience and our serenity. I wish I could accept either one side or another, but I can’t, I just can’t accept it as I still have the feelings and I still can think for myself and others.

I received 100s of emails, text messages and face book messages, etc, asking for signing the papers, which carry words of hope, and petitions, seeking peace, asking help to bring the life back to Mumbai. My question is simple; how will we bring peace if those people, who we call terrorists, are not stopping their actions? How will we stop brain wash happening to youth? I know it does sounds like a pessimistic approach, but then I see nothing coming from those who are sitting on high seats, who have the power to manage, to give, or break and to add issues with happiness, in the life of common man of India. My last hope is from common man; my hope is for common man. This is the way I can see, this is the choice we are left with, when we can try our best to bring the change; by working and keeping the faith towards the best.

Hopefully, life will come back to Mumbai followed by the life in the world, away from nasty acts and far away from terrorism. Please my friends, my enemies, help each other and help each youth to understand what is right for world, so that tomorrow's generation can understand, what is right for one individual, who live in the group setting of this world.


The Hollywood living!

23:55 Posted by Shadows of life

Los Angeles can make you over whelmed. It can bring you to a level where you have never been before. It has fun moments, relaxing arenas, lovely hills, calm waters, alcohol, and sex with its different orientations, yes you will find all around you, around your life and every where...but guess what? This has nothing to do with your overwhelming feeling in this city. This all come from the city, from being with those people who are so true, so surreal, and so superficial that doing differentiation between all of them, can take your life; and that is what makes you like them,with them.

Few years ago when I came to the US, I came with lots of dreams and tons of expectations...and so did most of people I know. I am pursuing a life of my own now and this is the same city, which has given me a life, a life of my own, a life of a free bird....and this Hollywood city, yes Hollywood, originally Los Angles, the same Los Angles, that you actually forget state that you live in LA and will start saying that you live in Hollywood. This is what makes you LAhiate, and L.A. a city of its own unique fun! Oh well, don't take me wrong, I am very happy to be here. I am much more real in myself and much more peaceful, but then its hard to imagine, that if it has something to do with the relationship I left behind me or is it related only to the city I live in.

BTW if any of you ever visit the US and specially Hollywood, make sure you go and find those places, which are not so called tourist places. Go to all those places which are fun to explore, fun to know...don't just get stuck to surreal city, and to surface faces :))

I'm in the mood to feel this city all over again...and that is what made me write this small piece.

Drinking and Driving!

00:32 Posted by Shadows of life

Yes, it happened...first ever time in my life...he he although I am not sad about it, but not very happy either. It was an experience too yaar. Okay, let me start from starting :))

It was a Saturday night, I was working until 11:00 P.M., but got the chance to get over work at around 9.30 P.M. I reached home in seriously 10 minutes, got dressed in 22 minutes and then reached at friend's place in another 10 minutes. All friends were waiting. We all left right away to Fulton Lounge. It was a fun place, crowded but interesting. We were 8 friends in two cars. I was driving one of them. As usual, I was enjoying, flirting, having fun and living the moment.

We had few drinks, started chilling out, talking and teasing each others. We took lot of pics, as if some special moment was happening, but it was just another club night...a fun night. Later, we got bored of the place and cliche crowd, so went to another bar. By this time, we all were pretty buzzed. A friend took over the driving seat, I happily gave my car. We reached at Lolas bar then got more drunk. Yes, we did had more drinks ;) Masti night (a night full of fun) Actually, it was fun. After all this we went to eat at In and Out. Around 3.30 AM, I had to call it a night as I had a working day starting 7:00 AM. I left half buzzed, may be a bit more than that..but I was fine to drive.

A second later I noticed, Hollywood Blvd was closed, well, so what...and I still took a turn, ignoring a cops car, which was blocking the street. I don't know why did I take the turn, but I took it. A second in to the street, and cop, a sexy looking cop...stopped me showing flash light. I stopped, well it was better than getting chased.

He came to me..

Cop: Did you see my car, blocking the street?

Me (innocently) Yes, I did see it, but took a turn by mistake. {which was actually a truth}

He looked at me, 'any alcohol use?'

I looked at him, bollywood ishtyle...and replied, "NO" a pure white truth...white smile :-)

Wooohhh, thought in my heart, "बेटा, तू तो गई आज...फँस गई..."

He flashed the sharp light on my face, asked me to follow his finger. The finger was too close to my eyes, I followed it, perfectly well. he looked at me, smiling.

Cop: Where are you coming from?

Me: A friends place.

Cop: hmmm, get down the car and please stand outside.

I started the car, dunno why, and then stopped it, locked it and got down and stood next to the car door, looking at cop, infect staring at him with a smile.

Cop: follow my finger.

Me: Okay

He again flashed the finger and I thought inside my heart, Acting, acting my dear...concentrate, just concentrate. I followed the finger with full concentration. He looked at me, I didn't take my eyes off his finger. He smiled again. Now I looked at him. Smiling, and staring at him.

Cop: hmmm, you are following it fine.

Me: (smile)

Cop: Ok, you can go.

PHEW!!!! not even a pinch of doubt or even a second thought of looking at sexy cop. Took a U-turn, as he told me to and I was out of Hollywood Blvd in few seconds...

DAMN!!!!! :))) No doubt it was a fun night...with this experience added to the night, it was scary night too; I felt, first experience of getting pulled over by cop.

It surely was fun, cos if I would have caught, I would have been sitting in the jail, with my license suspended.

Lesson learnt - Drinking and Driving is ACTUALLY bad..:)))