India - My Life within and without

Have you seen death...have you seen it coming right in front of your eyes and asking you if you want to die or not...and then if you r weak it takes you away from this beautiful world, the world you probably have not seen yet, the world which is not even your own yet...Death takes u away...and then you have no connection with this world?

I have seen death, right in front of my eyes, coming towards me and showing me that I am worth a lot for this world. I have seen death not less than 3 times. I always give 3 chances before I quit anything, and I have quit to be with the man who has brought me to the point where I saw death...I gave more than 3 chances to HIM before he showed me what death is...I saw death first time, the very first time when he was choking me to death, sitting on my chest and pressing against my throat with one hand and his knees were on my both arms so I cant move them, and his one hand was slapping me over and over again.....I saw death...I saw blackout and I saw DEATH...I gave another chance to him cos he regretted so many times for making me go through that moment...I gave him chance, second time he showed me death when he again choked me next to that metal closet in my bedroom in Mumbai and he was pushing me against it and it was next to wall and it had no room to move any more &v I had no room to move more....I saw death, I didn't blacked out that time but I saw it coming towards me and I have no clue how I stopped it, third and last time I saw death on freeway 101 while going to Brooks institute where I wanted to study and help me make my life in US with him. I saw death coming right in front of my face, when he was hitting me with his one hand and another hand was on steering wheel and he was driving 110 miles per hour....I saw death right in front of my eyes and I was weak.....I was weak but I guess death saw some strength in me and it stopped right away and HE took an exit and I got down his car at that very moment...and I never went back to his place to live, I moved out that very day and I no matter how much I tried I could not give up on him....

Then came the time when I saw a world of my own emotions, of my own hopes and my own expectations, and then I tried to give up on him. I wanted to gave up on my husband, but my emotions were kept holding me back. I talked to a close friend. I never expected that I will ever discuss this with him. He told me that I am precious and I am worth it and then I tried to cut my relations with this friend of mine. Just because he told me THE truth and it was a harsh truth and I was escaping truth........

I finally talked to myself, it took me sometime to realize that I am actually worth it and I can do it all alone by myself.

Today, I am giving up on my husband, today I am giving up on him and I am done with him. I want to finish this relationship cos I feel I am really worth living in this world and I am precious.....I want to live, with out seeing death coming on my face............I deserve to live... PERIOD.


Vim