India - My Life within and without

OHHHH
Na bachi piyeli halaat
na bachi sharab
Jane phir bhi kyon
pite hain log har raat.

© Vim

Main bhool jaun tujhe to
zinda rehna bhi bhoolngi
gar yaad rakhun tumhe to
zindagi ko hi samjho bhoola dungi....


© Vim

Today is a Christmas eve, and alot is going on in my life at this point. last year I was pretty much depressed and sad at the end of year, this time I am at least better than that...am much satisfied in life at this point. US actually didn't treated me worse, it could have been bad and crazy. I am positive. Am I?

I use to write only Hindi Poetry and some journal, now I write everyday, not just blog but some confessions of life and some fictions...I haven't got the chance top write since 2/3 days and my body is acting weird, as if something is missing. AM I really missing somethings of life?

He is tired everyday, is it because he is over weight or because he is tired of me?

I hate spending on eating out, but I hate making fast food at home also. Why should one have to eat?

Cats don't love Him anymore, he feel sad about it...is it true that they can stop loving someone all of a sudden?

I want to go to India - but I know, I wont be able to go longer than I can think..does that bother me?

Its Xmas today.....I sent her msg, she hasnt responded yet, do you think she hates me, but why? Why would someone hate me? I have never hurt anyone, then why?

Do I really believe that I will get some gift from Santa this year? Who is my Santa, HIM? Yeah!!! I do take Him as my Santa. Should I ask him if he has gift for me or should I wait...do I really want him to spend money for my gift?

Sultaan & Chutki are hiding under futon, and am sitting on Dining table, doing some typo work....is this really a Xmas eve?

I do hate myself for not getting dressed nicely, is it sadness or is it simplicity or I am giving up?

What the heck am writing? DO I write for the sake of or for some reason?

Gosh!!!! I hate asking these questions from myself....But why?

What is Christmas?

Being a Hindu we were never introduced to Christmas, so December 25th was always a relaxed Holiday in the middle of no where. Last year I celebrated my First ever proper Xmas with Aunty Uncle and their family. Over the last year due to some personal issues things have been sour with that family. I really am missing Aunty more than any one today cos without her my Xmas this year is bland...wish!!!!


Here is ME in this Season:

I wish I had the courage to put up a tree in my house.
I wish I could Buy gifts for Family & friends for Xmas.
I wish I can make final plans for doing something on Xmas eve.
I wish I can feel I am enjoying this Xmas season.
I wish I can accept I am enjoying & I am buying gifts & I am doing things for Xmas.

Then why is this blockage?

Why am I weird about celebrating?

Why am I making fun of my self on behalf of these Notions?

Why, Cos the acceptance is the biggest thing...accepting something is important to me, to my self and to my own world.




















And we call our selves Secular.