India - My Life within and without

I have been to Assam, many many times....specially during the stopover for Manipur. I love it. I have performed there as an actress many times too.....I love standing at a small bridge in Gawahati, while Brahmaputra is flowing beneath....and its dark all over...its quiet, and scenic and just calm...I love Kamkhsya mandir, driving there and waiting like a crazy bhakt in line for darshan....wow!!!

I miss those tours. I wish I could go back to my theater life and start doing all that once again. But....hate this word...but, I need money and a certain lifestyle to live now....hard to choose in between those two things. I can live and I can not live is also here, who knows why someone want to choose not to live what they love...Well, thats me.

I will go back to Calcutta and Assam once again, wearing my favorite tat ki sarees(I can handle sarees very well) and then will take the bus for Manipur, take lots of pictures and may be B roll for next documentary....I will do so, just don't know when.

OH!!!!!!! am just dreaming of my India, sitting in a typical office in Hollywood....what a irony, I want to go back to my world, my life but I just am so afraid of that life....I don't know where to start....and if I do start, where to go after that start....I am so impatient that want to know the future with one click of mouse.

Do you guys feel same way? Do you guys just want to take risks of life? Does anyone feel my way in this world....guess No or may be we all do want to fulfill our dreams, but we all are afraid of risks of what life can bring in our way...

I want to start a documentary, a very easy topic which is comfortable to start in India cos its happening all over, every where, each corner...and just don't have the courage to start as finances is a big deal for shootings....if I had some money to spare on my life, I would have finished it by now.
(Well, these ifs and buts have no replies for anyone)

I guess I have answered my all Questions myself....

I am sure the day will come when I will be doing things I dream for and those things what are risky but satisfying....I will. I am already on it, slowly, steady and very calm...

God Bless my dreams...
Love
VJ