India - My Life within and without

I have never killed anyone and I cant think of killing anyone either. I am talking about human, not the cockroaches and bugs. I have killed bugs cos they annoy me and they bring nasty feeling in me. I am thinking of killing something inside me,the dead feeling about life. This dead feeling has took me to no where and I am sure it cant take anyone anywhere, but to the darkness of life.

I want to kill that desperation in me and the frustration,which is building up inside me as am too free and finances are not at fun place. I am not sad today, I was a bit sad last night but am back to life. I just want to wake up early, go jogging/gym and start a day with oxygen filled inside me, but this lousy feeling of what to do has been killing me inside out and it has started showing me on my face...damn!!!


I am ordering myself to kill this feeling and move to better envisioned life! Life never stop and you will not get this time abck in your hand V. so move on and do what you are supposed to do.
V.

He didn't write a blog again!!! I am pissed but better not to tell him. he has interviews and life and events and OTHER commitments, I understand but then commitment is the commitment man...He write big words on commitment and then nothing on paper!! well...NO COMMENTS!!!!

I just came from my English class. It was not bad, not too much of a fun either. We were given a essay to write while sitting in class about "The worse learning experience" I was not sure which was my worse one. I tend to think only happy moments from past so I couldn't recall any moment, but I made up a story in my head, envisioned it and wrote two pages in few minutes. We were given almost 2 hours to write...I found a fun thing writing that essay - I love writing! I love it..I am not great at it yet, but I will one day! I have become better from past to now. I am yet not good at making up stories (I couldn't lie very well in my life after all) but I am sure I will be good at making up stories. Then I will finish my many stories I planned to turn in to short films...

Oh boy!!! one day a person cries that he/she has no hopes for life and he/she cant see anything in future and suddenly a small action makes him/her see the whole life in front of him/her..isn't it?

Folks!!! I am not upset that you guys don't write regularly, its totally up to you. If you want to improve then its different otherwise its whatever....jane do..at least leave a comment after you read some one's blog so we know what is your reaction and how you think about others writing...change kaise aayega if we wont know ki sahi kya hai galat kya?

Right???

Have a nice day!!! Wish nahin karna aaj mujhe?

I saw "Mumbai Meri Jaan" today. Its a new Bollywood movie about Mumbai Bomb Blasts, which took place in July 2006. I was in Mumabi at that time. I was at home and was waiting for HIM to come home but he and his phone were far away from me and my networks. I was wondering on streets and waiting for HIM to come back.

In the evening, I cried like a baby when I came to know about these blasts. I prayed to God so many times for many peoples including HIM and I. Today after watching this movie I started a new painting. I am sure I will finish it in one day. Actually, I am planning to start 50,000 things at the same time and have no idea if I will ever finish them, but wants are wondering souls!!!...well I am sounding off track I know that. I am supposed to write about food wine and sex but I am skipping that topic for today and will write about it tomorrow or so.

Mumbai is in the west coast of India and its a very dirty, fast paced and fun city. It is like a Mom to those people who have moved from different part of India to Mumbai, in search of better life, money and better careers. Mumabi is crowded, but still it give space to one and all. I am nostalgic, not because I am missing Mumbai but also I think time is coming to accept the truth...(some other day about that truth) Mumbai is expensive but it pays you back many ways. It is known for its strong spirit and power. I have felt that power and lived that life... Life is the only thing which goes on and change is the only thing which never changes!

I have no idea what I started to write and where I am at...I am not going to read this and correct it, but will stay here and type. I left Mumbai, same year of bomb blasts. That disaster had a big hand in making me believe that I should try and live a life in different country. Another reasons were as big as that reason. Marriage and finances, love and happiness, sexual satisfactions and frustration, human development and resources....all are part of everyone's life. Being a normal human, I wanted all in me, with me. Three 'S' Security, Satisfaction and Self...brought me here, in US. I am happy...I am sad...I am fake...I am real. Los Angeles looks like Mumabi aka Bombay now and it has started becoming same way as it was in India for many including HIM and I. Los Angeles seems Mumabi to me and may be Mumbai will feel like Los Angeles to me one day! Amen!!

I sometimes regret leaving Mumbai and some times I am very happy to leave India. Actually running away was never my choice in life. I wanted to face real life so here i am...living and staying in US the A. I guess this is not running away and if this is then I am trying hard to go back on my tracks!

I guess I was not making sense or may be this was the most sensible I can be.

V.

Last night when we came to know about Bomb blasts in local western railway trains of Mumabi, it sounded like a stupid rumor because it was really unbelievable that in 10-12 minutes 7 blasts have happened. But yes it was true and it has destroyed the peace and movement of life for almost everyone in the city. Luckily I was at home and HE was at his office when all this disaster took place. HE was traveling by car and I was unable to contact him. All the phone lines were congested like anything. Thank God, I was online and he sent me his well being on messenger. Around 7 in the night he sent me message that am leaving office which is hardly 8/10 kms (5/6 miles) away from our home and it take 20/25 minutes on normal day and I expected that due to train bomb blasts, people must be taking road route now, so it will be crowded. But after an hour I started getting worried, his phone was also not reachable and in most of my neighbors were at home. Finally I went down stairs of my building and started looking and walking around as if I can keep my mind relax and at ease....that was the time when our security guard of building came and talked to me about how his brother is also stuck some where.

Anyway after two and half hours, HE finally reached safe and secure home. He said that traffic was at its worse. At this time incoming on phones had started and I was able to spoke to HIS parents in US and sent messages to my parents in CHD. Slowly slowly life started coming back on track but everyone was still shaken up and pretty abnormal. Our neighbor aunty and all friends who live around us were home and safe.

Around 12 in the night we bought lots of biscuits and distributed at highway to those people who were sitting in buses and taxis for hours. they were hungry and desperate to go home. We tried to drop some people to their houses and gave lifts to people who stay close to our home. Around 4.30 in the morning we went to sleep and our hearts were full of anger, madness, roughness and rage but at the same time our hearts were giving salute to people of Mumbai for their high spirit and helpful nature, for coming ahead and giving hand to others in troubles, floods or bomb blasts. I salute Mumabi, to Mumbai's spirit....