India - My Life within and without

Today is Thanksgiving day in USA, Thanksgiving day is also known as day of Turkey, a long Weekend and a weekend for Family meet in US & today...November 22, 2007, Snehal is sleeping after his car race experience and am on net, once again.

Actually I don't have much idea about exact history of Thanksgiving, but as much as I could understood, its a day when people pay their thanks to Pilgrims and to their families. And to enjoy this day most of Americans spend this time with their family and enjoy long weekend with them, they all cook food together, eat together and relax together. Its also known as paying Thanks to Pilgrims of Native Americans aka Native Indians. According to wikipedia Thanksgiving is: "Thanksgiving, or Thanksgiving Day, is a traditional North American holiday to give thanks for the things that one has at the conclusion of the harvest season. Thanksgiving is celebrated on the fourth Thursday of November in the United States and on the second Monday of October in Canada."

As much as I have known Americans, most of them are from all over the world. Around 200 years ago these people have chased Natives out of US and took everything of Real Americans and made US a new world of its own...its just funny for me cos both of these histories doesn't gel very well, at least for me.

Anyways as during the Thanksgiving, people visit their families & relatives and spend these 4 days with them, traveling becomes a big time business. People spend money on Travel and food, giving gifts are not very common during this time. Food which mostly include Turkey, mash potatoes with gravy, pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce, yams and rolls, get cooked & shared with family and friends. Actually this is a fun time cos you get to spend time with your relatives, you relax after hectic days of work and you cook and eat homemade tasty food...traditionally most people eat Turkey on this specific day...I observe a fast on every Thursday so I will not be able to eat anything but Snehal want to eat Turkey so most probably we will go to some restaurant where he can have turkey...Snehal being the American, feels exited about this Holiday & I being new to this country feels a bit strange but still exited about it. This is my second Thanks giving in US...last year we visited family friends but this year its just we two...and we are our family...yehhhhhhhh..........:)))

When you see all the world around you visiting their families, you tend to miss your parents and family. I am missing my family from Chandigarh today....its been so long that's I get to celebrated any festival or any function with them. Its nice that Americans have this holiday when you are kind of forced to meet your family, but we Indians being who are Family oriented, don't have such holiday. Actually most of Indian families live together as joint family, so they don't need any holiday of such kind. But I guess we will have to make one new holiday now for my kind of people who live apart from family on their own and alone...we also need time and break to see our parents. Well, I miss my parents today...very much, wish I could see them soon.

I saw "Hazaron Khawaishen Aisi" by Sudhir Mishra today...I felt sad and more than that I felt as if I am a cowered...the same way many Indians are. I had a chance and option direct my life in towards those parts where I can make difference & what can make me feel proud of myself, but at that point of life I refused to be myself, I refused to serve to my own country in urge to earn and learn more. I have a theatre as my background and I had options to choose it and use it to live and help my world, the world I belonged to...I had option to do plays and teach people about life and safety and educate them...but I moved to Delhi to get higher study in Theatre (which am not part of anyways) I went to Mumbai to work in Cinematic world(which is shattered too) and I am in US now...which is...........never mind!!!!!!!!!!!

At the same time on the positive note...I am in US, where money flows in every thing and every wing. People waste food and waste money for some moments of fun, I just need to be sharp now, NOW I can help more consciously and more smart way, by donations and by making all these Americans donate for that "3rd World" I belong to. I have started somewhere and need to go far and high in this ambition.

I got a chance to be associate with a school who educate in skills to mentally retarded kids in Mumbai, I am trying to help from my base & am sure it can make difference to those people who are my own...I wish I could connect to more and help more, but am slow too...living factor is making me slow as well. I just need a cause to live to be what I can be.

The lesson for today:
The happiest people don't have everything in life.
They just make the BEST of everything that life brings their way. :-)

I went to Little India town today...I expected myself to be jumping and happy and having fun in there, but it was just normal feeling to me, I took it as if I am in any other part of US. This time I went after a month or so, still I wasn't very cheerful and very exited...so did America have really changed me? Why did it seems like any other part of America? Am defiantly scared and weird out....what the hell is going on with me? Gosh!!!!!!!
I did got some experience which will help me write new things for me...but that later, right now...I need to hold that moment inside me.

its hurting...deep inside...somewhere killing my mind and somewhere its killing me but when I see people enjoying every bit of it...I feel may be something is wrong with me itself, otherwise why would people love all crap work and all that is been made and why would people put their precious money in the making of it, why would someone want to direct such baseless story? Why would most of the busiest actors work for these movies?

Well I have been the part of Bollywood industry, and enjoyed my time there...at the same time I did strugged on every step, for logics and for meaning and for many more things to be part of the system, but guess it takes ages to change one system & one theory and it takes many hands to build TajMahal...

I saw Kabul, starring John Abraham and Arshad Warsi two days back and thought about it for two days and felt ashamed cos once I was a part of Bollywood cinema...

My questions are very genuine and logical...but I have got no answers:

What was Director/Producer thinking that War in Afghanistan and Mid east is all about Pakistan?

When are we going to look at India and Pakistan beyond partition and cricket?

When are we going to see that world is full of other issues beyond these two countries and their old partition.

When are we going to look at Art Department and property department of Indian cinema?

Why KUCH BHI CHALEGA is accepted in Bollywood?

When are we going to pay attention to serious issues of film making in this world?

Gosh!!!!!!!!1I am sorry and not sorry at the same time...I felt bad that one small country of world who annualy makes most of the movies of world cinema, produces more than 80 percent of crap, cheap and nonsense movies...I am really ashamed.