India - My Life within and without

Its been so long I wrote here, maybe because somewhere I don't need this space to hide myself behind the walls or maybe because I feel free to share my opinion in the world. Whatever the reason maybe, I do feel free and happy, and I have my lord and my friends and family to thank for...

Yesterday I went to the Buddhist temple, where I have been before but this time around the experience was way too different. I was able to connect spirituality and myself in a different manner. The tour guide in one of her conversations about Buddhism stated that lotus is known to be a very important flower in Buddhist religion because it starts it journey as a bud in the muddy dirty water, walks all the way in the dirty water and when reaches to the top opens up to be a beautiful flower. She further stated that its our past what makes us who we are because what we choose, what we desire and the directions we walk on makes difference in our presence...I was so happy and calm hearing this. Where I have reached today is somehow reflection of my past though one could reach here without all the hardship I faced. I am proud of myself and can never let myself put down the way it has happened in the past.

A proud survivor!

P.S. - Today is Feb 19, wrote this post after over a year!

I have been noticing a tremendous patience and peaceful change in myself. Seems like the practices I have been working on is finally working within me, and I am becoming the one I want to be...Amen!

Woke up early and did my presentation. I did well, or so others said.

Few more presentations, few more dreams and few more encouragements...

Went to do some fun...and then in the flight. I was back at home by 10pm...missed the atmostphere and energy from the training.

Within four days of return, I did my first preproduction shoot of a new documentary. I hope to work on it more and finish it.

Prayers, love, blessings and money needed - feel free to give what you can, and take what I can...

Amen!

Vim

Dear female readers, A quick question...

What is it to be a female for you? How is it different that you were born as a female in this world OR you chose to change your gender, why...how is it to be a female?

And dear male readers,

What is your take on female gender? How do you think you deal with female issues while being a male?

My two cents: I am very proud to be born as a female...but being a female comes with many issues and difficulties....but then females are the most strong gender as well.

What is your take on it?

Please share or email me...

Something big is coming up and your help is needed....

Hugs!!! And Thank You...

Vee Jay

I do, I hear America crying everyday when I reach at work. When I see my little teenage kids I work with, when I hear another homeless kid on the block, when I see a new teenager at one of our recovery homes...I see America crying...

Two days ago, I was about to leave for work in the night and as usual radio was on and Dick Gordon was presenting "The Story"

I, one of the biggest fan of Dick's work and stories, suddenly found myself frozen when I heard this poem from high school teacher, who recite his student's work. I don't know who the owner of this poem is and who wrote it, but I do want to share it here for all my readers and my fellows. If the author reads this poem, please do contact me so I can give you credit as a writer.

Here is 'the story' presented by Dick Gordon...good work.

The poem is based on Whitmen's song "I hear America singing" This poem is called "I hear America Crying..."


I hear America crying the very carols I hear
those of single mother each one crying to sleep at night as they try
to brainstorm new ways to make ends meet
The little boy crying for a father figure
some one who he can look up to and teach him how to be a man
the addict in every family crying as he or she struggle to stay clean
just so that he or she can win back custody of their child
the young teenage mother crying, hoping she will be able to graduate high school
and not become another teen statistic
the father crying behind the bars as he try to explain to his only daughter,
how come daddy isn't home
the insecure girl within all of women crying
as we struggle daily to learn how to love ourselves, unconditionally
the awful cry of a single mother or the little boy or the addict
each crying about what eats up with them...
the day that belongs today, at night the party of young fellows
upset, disappointing, singing with open mouths
their strong melodies songs...

I hear America crying...


Vim
On a mission - looking for that light at the end of the tunnel.

Writing a letter is an art. I am serious. When I was growing up in the city of Chandigarh in India, I used to wait for my cousin's letter, for my relative's invitations through snail mail...and especially those days when my pen friends (pals) used to write to me. I lived each word of those letters, and I gave moments through each letter. Now-a-days no one write letters anymore, everyone use emails, facebook, twitter etc to keep in touch :-((

*sigh* receiving a letter, hand written letter was fun, and sending that feeling was double the fun...I still have those letters which my pals wrote to me, which my father wrote to me, which my mom sent me through snail mail...and all those greeting cards, which my brother sent me stating "I miss you" These days he sends me online greetings and emails *sigh*

I want to write letters again to 'someone' but the technology is grown so much that before my letter would reach to my "someone" we would have talked over the phone 10 times...ah!!! LOL

(watching movie "sarasvati chandra - what a movie and what a lovely song.........phool tumhe bheja hai khat mein)

Ciaos

So I was looking for some English = Hindi proverbs and guess what I found...This bloger has posted some very interesting Hindi Proverbs which are equal to English saying...check it out friends!!!

1) A fog cannot be dispelled by a fan .
Oas ( dew drop) chaatne se pyaas nahi bhujti.

2)An empty vessel sounds much .
Thotha channa baje ghana.

3)Birds of same feather flock together.
Chor chor mosere bhai.

4)Do evil & look for like.
Kar bura to hoy bura

5)Fool to others to himself a sage .
Apne mooh miyamitthu.

6)Good mind , good find.
Aap bhale to jag bhala.

7)His wits are gone a woll gathering.
Uski akal charne ko gayi hai.

8)It takes two to make a quarrel.
Ek haath se tali nahi bajti.

9) Barking dogs seldom bite .
Jo garajte hai woh baraste nahi.

10)Avarice is root of all evils.
Laalch buri balaa hai.

11)Gather thistles & expect pickles .
Boye pade babool ke to aam kha se hoye.

12)Drowning man catches at straw.
Doobte ko tinke ka sahara.

13)Hard nut to crack.
lohe ke chane chabana.

14)As the king so are the subjects.
jaisa Raja vaisi praja.

15)A honey tongue , a heart of gall.
Mukh mein Ram bagal mein choori.

16)Pure gold does not fear the flame.
Saanch ko aanch nahi.

17) Great cry little wool .
Oochi dukaan feeke pakvaan.

18)A drop in the Ocean .
Oot ( Camel ) Ke mooh mein Jeera.

19) A nine days wonder .
Chaar din ki chandani fir andheri raat.

20) Crying in wilderness .
Bhes ( Buffalo ) ke aage been bajaana.

21) Do good & cast in to the river.
Neki kar dariya mein daal.

22) Diamonds cut diamonds.
Loha lohe ko kaat ta hai.

23) A burnt child dreads the fire.
Dudh ka jala chaas ko bhi fook fook kar peeta hai.

24)A figure among cyphers.
Andho mein kaane raaja.

25)A little knowledge is a dangerous thing .
Neem hakeem khatre jaan

26)A wolf in lamb's clothing.
Mukh mein Ram bagal mein choori.

दुआ निकलती है, नए साल के नाम पे,
आँख भर आती है, गुज़रे साल की याद से.


उम्मीद बस यूँ ही है नए साल से,
कि कत्ल न हों, न चले बंदूकें, न हो बमबारी कहीं,
इश्क रहे, रहे दोस्ती, और बढें प्यार की बाहें हर कहीं,
ना मिले कातिलाना वो, जो मिला गुज़रे साल में.
दुआ है बस यही, आने वाले साल में.

गुज़रा तो गुज़र गया, चलो कुछ यूँ करें,
थाम लें बांह इक दूजे की, आओ कुछ कदम, साथ साथ चलें.


मुबारक हो साल नया,
दे यह खुशियाँ हज़ार, और प्यार नया,
हो उम्मीद से भरा, यह संसार नया
जिंदगी का हो हर रुखसार नया,
मुबारक हो यह साल नया!
मुबारक हो यह 2009 नया!



Copyright 2008 © Vim

Its raining in Hollywood, hard and in full form. I love it, I just love it. I missed rains alot in last two years. Mumbai rains gave me a habit to experience, continue rains for months. Here in US, I have hardly seen rains. Especially after seeing rains of Mumbai, any rains seems less.

I remember almost two years back, here in Hollywood, when I first felt rain drops on my body, I felt a different kind of fun, I got soaked and enjoyed those drops on my body and inside my heart. It wasn't that bad of winter time then, it was just a fun winter. Today while it is raining outside, I couldn't get wet, cos I have to stay safe, stay healthy...and winter rains can make me sick.

Right now here I am, inside my little place, holding my heart, dealing with various thoughts...just waiting for sleep to take me over. Oh sleep, come and take me away, this music of rain falling on the roof of my apartment and on top of my car outside, is just not letting me sleep.

How much I would love to sing 'rain rain go away...come here another day, but....I don't want rains to go away so I will not sing this...I want rains to stay.

Hugs my favorite weather.
Veee

I was driving when I heard this news, it moved me...I started laughing out loud and enjoyed it thoroughly too. Yes,

Cricket in India is what baseball is for Americans. Cricket does seems like baseball of America, but no, it actually is not the same. it is not even close to each other, more than one bat and one ball...it has no similarity. So the news was on KPCC part of NPR. Listen or read here. The very first cricket players from India, now will learn and play baseball in USA. Its a time to feel proud, to feel special...not because they have chosen by US but because, the limits are getting wide for both the countries, and for many people.

I was more than happy to listen to this news, and more than happy I was excited to see matching horizons between two of my worlds. It does feel good to see, my two worlds getting connected. My one world of US and India, and another world of two communities, Punjabi and Gujarati were the chosen one....

Oh well, now tell me that how true is it :)),

"where ever you go, you will find one Punjabi and one Gujarati for sure"

ना तूफ़ान दिखा,
ना आंधी आई,
ना चमकी बिजली ही,
ना बुझी शमा ही...

बस यूँ ही गुज़र गया यह बरस भी,
बस यूँ ही बिगड़ गई उस की नज़र भी,
बस यूँ ही फेर ली गई शक्लो-सूरत भी,
बस यूँ ही देश अपना हो गया पराया,
बस यूँ ही उठ गया सर से वो साया,

दो साल हो गए आज...
छोडे उस मिट्टी को...
सूंघे उस खशबू को...
महसूस किए हुए,
उस शान की सभ्यता को...
जिगर से लगाये....
उस ईमान के इश्क को!

दो साल हो गए आज...
दो साल गुज़र गए
गुजरी यादों के साथ...

Copyright 2008 © Vim

सजाये ख्वाब खूबसूरत
लगाये प्रेम के उस पे धागे
बनाये आंखों की ज्योति से
रौशनी के लालटेन
एक नज़र ने तेरी ला बिठाया
आसमान के रंगीले बिस्तर पे...

अब हम हैं,
तुम हो,
इश्क है,
और पूरी ज़िन्दगी...
सँवारने को....

Copyright 2008 © Vim

सिलसिला यह तुम्हारी याद का
मिटता नहीं आजकल
मिटता है तो भरोसा ख़ुद से
उलझती सिमटती ज़िन्दगी में
उलझी सिमटी विम से

विम्मी

अपने कांधों पे उठाना है मुझे,
मेरी ही सलीब को
इस शहर में,
इस आसमान के नीचे ही.
यह सलीब, न किसी ने देखी, न जानी ही
अनजानी, इस सलीब को लिए कंधो पे
कोशिश करती हूँ,
पहचानने को, ख़ुद को,
ख़ुद के अन्दर से.
निकालने को, ख़ुद को,
ख़ुद की गहराई से.

और यह सलीब है कि
धकेले जाती है
ख़ुद को ख़ुद में ही...
डोबोये जाती है
अपने ही लहू के पानियों में
लिए इस सलीब को ही
जीना है मुझे
उभरना भी है
आगे बढना भी है
लिए अपनी सलीब अपने ही कांधों पे...

Copyright © Vim

One of those poems, which are making me think alot...making me bring changes...help me fixing it friends....I have a junoon to fix it now!

He didn't write a blog again!!! I am pissed but better not to tell him. he has interviews and life and events and OTHER commitments, I understand but then commitment is the commitment man...He write big words on commitment and then nothing on paper!! well...NO COMMENTS!!!!

I just came from my English class. It was not bad, not too much of a fun either. We were given a essay to write while sitting in class about "The worse learning experience" I was not sure which was my worse one. I tend to think only happy moments from past so I couldn't recall any moment, but I made up a story in my head, envisioned it and wrote two pages in few minutes. We were given almost 2 hours to write...I found a fun thing writing that essay - I love writing! I love it..I am not great at it yet, but I will one day! I have become better from past to now. I am yet not good at making up stories (I couldn't lie very well in my life after all) but I am sure I will be good at making up stories. Then I will finish my many stories I planned to turn in to short films...

Oh boy!!! one day a person cries that he/she has no hopes for life and he/she cant see anything in future and suddenly a small action makes him/her see the whole life in front of him/her..isn't it?

Folks!!! I am not upset that you guys don't write regularly, its totally up to you. If you want to improve then its different otherwise its whatever....jane do..at least leave a comment after you read some one's blog so we know what is your reaction and how you think about others writing...change kaise aayega if we wont know ki sahi kya hai galat kya?

Right???

Have a nice day!!! Wish nahin karna aaj mujhe?

I saw "Mumbai Meri Jaan" today. Its a new Bollywood movie about Mumbai Bomb Blasts, which took place in July 2006. I was in Mumabi at that time. I was at home and was waiting for HIM to come home but he and his phone were far away from me and my networks. I was wondering on streets and waiting for HIM to come back.

In the evening, I cried like a baby when I came to know about these blasts. I prayed to God so many times for many peoples including HIM and I. Today after watching this movie I started a new painting. I am sure I will finish it in one day. Actually, I am planning to start 50,000 things at the same time and have no idea if I will ever finish them, but wants are wondering souls!!!...well I am sounding off track I know that. I am supposed to write about food wine and sex but I am skipping that topic for today and will write about it tomorrow or so.

Mumbai is in the west coast of India and its a very dirty, fast paced and fun city. It is like a Mom to those people who have moved from different part of India to Mumbai, in search of better life, money and better careers. Mumabi is crowded, but still it give space to one and all. I am nostalgic, not because I am missing Mumbai but also I think time is coming to accept the truth...(some other day about that truth) Mumbai is expensive but it pays you back many ways. It is known for its strong spirit and power. I have felt that power and lived that life... Life is the only thing which goes on and change is the only thing which never changes!

I have no idea what I started to write and where I am at...I am not going to read this and correct it, but will stay here and type. I left Mumbai, same year of bomb blasts. That disaster had a big hand in making me believe that I should try and live a life in different country. Another reasons were as big as that reason. Marriage and finances, love and happiness, sexual satisfactions and frustration, human development and resources....all are part of everyone's life. Being a normal human, I wanted all in me, with me. Three 'S' Security, Satisfaction and Self...brought me here, in US. I am happy...I am sad...I am fake...I am real. Los Angeles looks like Mumabi aka Bombay now and it has started becoming same way as it was in India for many including HIM and I. Los Angeles seems Mumabi to me and may be Mumbai will feel like Los Angeles to me one day! Amen!!

I sometimes regret leaving Mumbai and some times I am very happy to leave India. Actually running away was never my choice in life. I wanted to face real life so here i am...living and staying in US the A. I guess this is not running away and if this is then I am trying hard to go back on my tracks!

I guess I was not making sense or may be this was the most sensible I can be.

V.

पतंग कट गई
उड़ गई डोरी अकेले
साथ देने का वायदा जो किया था
वो डोरी आज है कहीं
पतंग है कहीं और

इस पतंग के संग रही डोरी
इस डोरी ने उड़ना तो सिखा ही
संग दिया उड़ने का भरोसा भी
सिखा डोरी ने जीना
तो सिखाया जीना भी
सहना ढेर सा
सह पाना उस से ज़्यादा
उस सहने की हिम्मत गई जब थम
उड़ गए वो अकेले अकेले
अपनी दिशा की ओर...
पतंग और पतंग की डोरी...

© Vim

July 03 2008
4.33 AM

The day I gave up on marriage...and gave keys to his place to him...I wrote this:

आज सब बन्धन तोड़ डाले
तोड़ डाले अन्सूयों के बाँध
आज छोड़ दिया उस चाहत को
जिस चाहत से बंधी थी शादी की गाँठ...


सब छोड़ दिया छोडा जिस दिन उस का हाथ,
सब थे मेरे संग, उस के संग थी सिर्फ़ वो टूटी गांठ


© Vim

बरसात में भीगे मेरे आंसू
तुम को छू रहे हैं
छू के कह रहे हैं
कहो एक बार फीर से 'जान' मुझे
पुकारो ले के मेरे नाम से जुड़ा
तुम्हरा नाम मुझे

भीगे इन आंसुयों से जुड़ी ज़िंदगी
लगने लगी है हर दीन कुछ और कम
आंसू चले थे बस कुछ देर साथ देने को
अब वो लगने लगे है हमदम

छू लो इन आंसुयों को और कहो
फीर से एक बार
तुम ही हो यह
बस तुम ही
न है यह अन्दर का छीपा तुम्हरा गम
न है छीपा राक्षस यह
न ही कोई तड़पता बचपन...

गर यह ही है सच तो आओ,
कहो एक बार 'जान' मुझे
इन अन्सूयो को करो जुदा
इस बारिश से
रहने दो बारीश को बस बरसात
और अन्सूयो को सिर्फ हँसी मेरी


© Vim

कहता है कौन की उन से मुहब्बत नहीं रही
मुहब्बत तो रही, लेकिन साथ जीने की ताकत नहीं रही

वो देखें इस जहाँ को जीस नज़र से
हमारी चाह तो रही, लेकिन बस वो नज़र नहीं रही

दुनीया के डर ने था रखा जो साथ साथ हमें
उस डर की अब डरावत नहीं रही

कहता है कौन की उनसे मुहब्बत नहीं रही
मुहब्बत तो रही, लेकीन संग जीने की हीमाकत नहीं रही

चाह तो बहुत की जी ले उन के संग
लेकीन संग रह के जाना की जीने की ही चाहत नहीं रही

सोचा यूं भी की, भूला के देखें ख़ुद को
लेकीन ख़ुद को भूला के फीर न वो रहे न मैं ही रही

कहता है कौन की उनसे मुहब्बत नहीं रही
मुहब्बत तो रही लेकीन उस मुहब्बत की ही फीर चाहत नहीं रही...


© Vim


On HIS birthday - 2008