India - My Life within and without

Its been so long I wrote here. I checked the date of my last post and it was Feb 26, 2010...and today is Feb 13, 2011 :).

I experienced something on Friday in a group where we were meditating and sharing our thoughts. I felt the reason of weird haunting moments, awaken memories and shapeless, meaningless dreams I have been seeing for days in and days out could be because I actually never said good bye to my past relationship, I actually never ever paid a proper homage to that dead relationship...

I am saying my goodbye to that relationship, that marriage where I was in love, where my ex was also in love, where we both became what we never wanted to be, where life was not our own, where it wasnt even worth living...I am saying my final goodbye to that death which was a result of togetherness, which was a result of situations we both created, which was the result of growth of life...Goodbye my marriage, goodbye my relationship to snehal, goodbye my love for snehal and his family, goodbye my life with my ex-husband, and goodbye my old life with him...goodbye. May you rest in peace and may you never come back to any of our lives, may you stay far away from us, may you be just a plain old dream in our lives.

Goodbyes are sweet and sour, and that is exactly what I am feeling today!

Vim

I shouldn't say but I am saying it 'I don't know why...' I don't know why I don't want to keep a relationship going for sometime...I don't know why I doesn't want to work towards a relationship. May be I do know...I know it is hurtful to invest but I am getting over those issues, but then I think I do have very high expectations of other people in a romantic relationships. I can have a great friendship going where there is no sexual tension between friends and I but the moment it hit the button of a little romanticism, I want to just take it towards highest height and then drop it down as fastest speed as ever possible...I get anxious to start and be with someone...I don't know why...and then I get bored of the person, relationship and often the idea of romanticism.

BTW I met a kid who could have been mine. I had a good 1x1 with a work kid of mine and noticed that if I had a kid and would have stayed in domestic violence relationship then I would have ended my kid to some placement in the US...the same way my work kid was there. A younger brother of a sister who was forced to marry a guy from different country and older brother of two siblings who are in different placement, a strong and angry son of that father who used his anger and madness on his wife and kids, and an insecure son of that mother who is pretty homeless Iraqi woman - a survival of domestic violence, and a guy who is on probation at the age of 15 who is trying to find his roots from a bottom less tree....


VJ

I have been noticing a tremendous patience and peaceful change in myself. Seems like the practices I have been working on is finally working within me, and I am becoming the one I want to be...Amen!

A: What do you think brought you out of domestic violent effected life?

V: "I love living" these three words gave me a new life with each day...and I got stronger just to live each day, just to experience more life with everyday!

Vim

I was waiting for Obama's speech for last week and half about war status and bringing American troops back to the America. Finally today wait ended and I listened to Obama on NPR. He used chosen words very carefully while explaining his reasons and explanations for his actions. I was impressed with his speech and I had few questions, which NPR's discussions did clear. And I suddenly found myself deep down interested in politics.

My developing interest in politics is a bit weird to myself as I hardly had any interest in politics unless I needed to discuss it with someone. Last year during President's election time I enjoyed Obama's HOPE campaign and when Obama took the position of America's President, I watched his every move very closely followed by his actions and speeches throughout the year. Not that I was interested in politics, but I am very attracted to what Obama is made of and how he has handled messed up situations. I guess that is known as politics. His 'hope' campaign was awesome, it helped him win over Bush, but I wanted to see results, so I am watching him carefully.

My background is from the country which is in development. America is more of a progressive country even after its history has less depth than India. In my country (read: India), I hardly saw any politicians giving explanations and clarity for their actions. Indian politicians speech was more of those kind of speech where they kind of ordered that they have taken some random steps and 'janta' (countrymen) is supposed to accept without questioning it. And sometimes there were speeches, which followed by the response of throwing chairs and violent acts in parliament house of New Delhi. I have seen some of these actions live on national TV. I wont say Indian politicians are just bosses to countrymen but its pretty close to the relationship between jailer and the victim. All that had obviously made me sad and over the years I lost interest in Indian politics.

I don't have deep interest in American politics but it does attract me more than Indian politics. May be because politicians try to stay crystal clear to the citizen's of America...or may Americans demand more clarity from them or may be its just that I am developing interest in politics. I don't know the truth but I guess in India, as a citizen, I was not given enough human rights to be myself and here in the US as a permanent resident I am given more freedom and rights, its up to me now if I choose to use those rights or not...or may be the truth is still hidden.

Any which way I still think Indians have more depth in their life and culture than America. America, defiantly needs to learn much more from cultural countries such as India, Pakistan, Mexico etc etc.

Talking of Pakistan reminds me one thing which impressed me a lot in Obama's speech is that he showed his interest in Pakistan's safety and Afghanistan's growth, and also that he wasn't all about America America, America and just America...what a relief!!!

Here is the speech...listen and don't forget to leave comments!


Ciao....

So its the time of the year again - time to pay our thanks back and time to get our thanks...it is the Thanksgiving time!!

YAY!!!

Last year's Thanksgiving had somewhere different colors and hues in it, though this year it is not too skeptical, not too different!

Today is Wednesday, a day before Thanksgiving and I just came back home after celebrations. It was beautiful - four people sharing not just meal but happiness, smiles, wishes and love. It is just wonderful to have friends. Tomorrow, the actual day of thanksgiving, I will be relaxing (finally) at home for the first half of the day and second half I will enjoy yummy dinner with my kiddos...my work kids.

What is better than celebrating thanksgiving with those who I am thankful to - for my today's life, for their love and their passion and for all the smiles and choices I discover with them...what better way to celebrate a day full of happiness than to be with my little kids and their world? May lord give tons of happiness and smiles and of-course peace to all teenagers.

My special thanks for this year are for Sia, P and S...without them I would have been still floating in a weird river...Thank you for helping me find my path, thank you for being there and Thank you for being yourselves...May lord bless you with more love and happiness. Amen!!!

And wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving as well...just remember that life is beautiful.

Vim

I was young, probably in my early teenage when I heard papa telling my brother that never take debt on your head and never ask for money from someone unless you have that much to pay back. I dunno how but it got stuck in my head and my heart.

Years later even today I dont borrow money, I dont take anyone's debt. I get my pay check, I pay my bills. While working with non profit groups, often its hard to save even a penny but I am happy I dont owe any money to anyone - not to credit cards, not to friends, not even to my parents...unlike someone who I recently found is still dependent on HIS parents...I feel ashamed for HIM...Wish, HE had choices to choose from in his life.

I feel pride in myself that I was able to follow this rule even after I moved to a new country, and even after I lived a real hardship here...I think it was papa's this rule only which made me keep going on and keep doing things...just to find my own meaning of life.

May god save others from hardship and from debts.

VJ

I had two choices when I found my life is going no where:
1. Let the path lead me...
OR
2. to find & lead my path...

I chose the later one. It was a hard choice. It made me go through hard parts of everything but one day I noticed I was standing on a road with passion bubbling up in my heart and that day I realized I had found my path. Today, I am walking on my path with passion and ambition, damn it is a hard path but it bring smile to me everyday, it gives me satisfaction each second...

Some where today I feel happy that once I was in dead depression because if I would have never been there, I would have never tried to look towards my choices.

Thank you Lord for giving me choices and helped me find and follow my path...This Thanksgiving is going to be amazing!!

Vim

I killed a squirrel today or so I think. I was on my way to work, driving and suddenly noticed few feet away from my car two squirrels were playing with each other: one crossed the street and another stopped in the middle of the street. I noticed it was far from my lane so I didn't slow down, but guess it moved right when I was close to it. I felt I might have hit it, to confirm I checked in left rear view mirror, noticed a stable squirrel on street, it might was either injured or dead and I lost a heartbeat.

I am still not sure if I have killed it or it was just injured, but I am feeling guilty. I was kept thinking about it throughout my way to work. I didn't stop to check upon it cos I was a bit scared of my own emotions. I might get in to weird depression if I find out that I have actually killed it, and if it wasn't killed I might have reacted totally different....I dunno...I am still confused. I am at work right now and I think I should give it few more hours before I come to any conclusion. But can I actually give it some time or stop thinking about it? Oh, I doubt it!!!

If I actually have killed an little animal while driving does that make me a killer?
Should I get some punishment for it?
Am I going to be comfortable with killings now on?
Does that mean I am a selfish person who couldn't stop to see squirrel because of my own emotions?
Am I really a selfish person?
Is it okay to kill an animal on street if they are careless while you are driving carefully?

Why am I thinking about it too much?
Whats wrong with me?

Jesus Christ, Lord Shiva, Lord Rama, Lord Krishna and all those Gods, whoever and wherever they are...I hope you will help that little squirrel....Amen!!

VJ

P.S. - I was just talking to Vrun about the incident and he told me that at times that feeling of 'may be' is stronger than being assured of something. I guess this is what made me keep driving than stopping at the incident and checking upon little animal...

When I was little school girl, I was taught that Hitler was the best ruler; he was the best leader on earth. I, leader by nature, always wanted to become like him so I can lead everyone in my business and in my life, well pretty much!

When I first met my ex-husband, who was a politics major in college, we use to discuss Indian and American politics often. I was weak in politics but I knew Indian politics more than him and he knew world politics more than me, which made discussions more fun and knowledgeable. Once during those discussions Adolf Hitler's name came in, I told him that I always wanted to be like him. He had disgust looks and weird expression on his face. He asked me that I am not a violent person at all then why am I attracted to Hitler's characteristics. I told him what I was taught, he was ashamed of my education :-( after knowing the truth, I was too.

Sadly, he and his education was right and soon I found out I was taught many things wrong especially about world history. I dunno if today the education level is changed in India or not but I do know that I never ever want to be even H of Hitler forget becoming a leader like him.

After I moved to the US and met with those real people who, themselves or their families, had gone through Hitler's Holocaust, I realized how bad the Education system is in my country...I confess that I didn't do a thing to change it but I did talk to my little nephews about it and tried to tell them about Hitler's real face and about 'real' history...not sure how much they understood but I hope they dream unlike me and my generation about leadership.

I remember once my ex-husband went to a book store to buy his favorite marble comics and came back with 9th grade history book. The more he read, the more I became aware of what I was taught right and what not. oh well...with the age I did learn a lot and I am not done learning.

Today while watching Valkyrie, all those days came as a picture in front of my mind's eye and I thought of writing this blog. If we have even few of Col. Stauffenbergs in our various countries, this world will become a peaceful place for humans. And all I can do is pray for my both countries as well as rest of the world.

And that reminds me of Beenish's one post...do read and comment on her these two posts about Anne Frank - Part one and Part two....

Until new thought come during sickness - Adios!!!

Vee Jay

I do, I hear America crying everyday when I reach at work. When I see my little teenage kids I work with, when I hear another homeless kid on the block, when I see a new teenager at one of our recovery homes...I see America crying...

Two days ago, I was about to leave for work in the night and as usual radio was on and Dick Gordon was presenting "The Story"

I, one of the biggest fan of Dick's work and stories, suddenly found myself frozen when I heard this poem from high school teacher, who recite his student's work. I don't know who the owner of this poem is and who wrote it, but I do want to share it here for all my readers and my fellows. If the author reads this poem, please do contact me so I can give you credit as a writer.

Here is 'the story' presented by Dick Gordon...good work.

The poem is based on Whitmen's song "I hear America singing" This poem is called "I hear America Crying..."


I hear America crying the very carols I hear
those of single mother each one crying to sleep at night as they try
to brainstorm new ways to make ends meet
The little boy crying for a father figure
some one who he can look up to and teach him how to be a man
the addict in every family crying as he or she struggle to stay clean
just so that he or she can win back custody of their child
the young teenage mother crying, hoping she will be able to graduate high school
and not become another teen statistic
the father crying behind the bars as he try to explain to his only daughter,
how come daddy isn't home
the insecure girl within all of women crying
as we struggle daily to learn how to love ourselves, unconditionally
the awful cry of a single mother or the little boy or the addict
each crying about what eats up with them...
the day that belongs today, at night the party of young fellows
upset, disappointing, singing with open mouths
their strong melodies songs...

I hear America crying...


Vim
On a mission - looking for that light at the end of the tunnel.

Few minutes ago when I was starving, I opened freezer and took few frozen paranthas out. One pack of masala parantha, one pack of paneer parantha and one frozen thepla pack. Yummmm. Made chai, opened new pack of yogurt and warmed up flat pan so I could defrost/cook my paranthas. Opened first pack…jeez!!! I wanted mummy.

It was trikon (three corner) parantha, and no one can make it better than mummy…I am serious, NO ONE!!! Oh I missed her like hell, wanna see her so bad. Also, wanna eat trikon parantha made by her.

Opened second pack, it was paneer parantha. Well, paneer parantha has always been my favorite. So missed Punjabiyat in me a bit. I need to visit Punjab asap, so that Punjabiyat stays in.

While warming up trikon parantha and paneer paranrha, I opened last pack. A thought came across my mind - finally end of associations and memories, but the second I saw thepla(gujju bread made out of fenugreek, flour and spices) oh boy!!! My ex-mother-in-law must have sneezed. She used to make best gujju snacks. I still remember her at times. May Lord bless her.

Life is fun for sure. I will see mummy and Punjab one day, but will never see my ex-mother-in-law…yeh jeewan hai vee!!! But hey, the world is small…kaun jaane kab kya ho jaaye.

I bought a new journal yesterday. Oh well, yeah once AGAIN!!!

And this time the design of this journal is damn kewl. It has colorful birds on it woven in embroidery. In fact the full cover page is hand embroidered. It is made in India :-) I am carrying a big smile with the feel of its origin. I know for sure that what I paid for it at borders were probably not even imaginable for those who made it in India. I paid $16.95 before 9.25% taxes. The person who made it might sold dozen copies for the same price, but then I am not going to fight, argue, and/or crib about it.

The USA is promoting Indian rural culture and crafts and that is good enough for me. I do care about the issue but I don't want to be one of hundreds who are already fighting for it. I rather buy and encourage others to buy this kind of stuff, so they never go out of work. I often buy these kind of things and give them as gift. Its my way of working for Indian arts and crafts.

So, any which way....I bought this journal and the first thing I decided not to have HIS name any where around my this journal. I wrote two stories same day and one short film idea. After I finished all this while sitting at Borders.

I went to work at around 3 after buying and writing my new journal. Around 5 I started to feel restless and anxious to use this journal. Oh I did use it. I started writing a question and then replied to it. The style took its shape and I have asked myself over 20 questions already. Few questions I knew, few I created and many I took randomly from my life.

Two of these questions were those questions, which I was scared to face, but I did it. I read them few times and now I feel a little less relaxed in facing them. See, my journal is already worth the money - paisa vasaool!!! (Do I hear some clarifications?)

LOL :-))))

When you thinking too much, you miss what happens in the present moment, like I did. Okay, let me come directly to the story...Today morning, I reached to work like any other day, while I was thinking too much like the night before. I parked my car, locked and went in to office to clock in. I clocked in and suddenly I felt my hands are empty. I checked my pockets, they were empty too. I was holding only my coffee tumbler and nothing. Shit!!!

I rushed to my car, and my guess was right. Car was still running, keys were in the ignition....and car was locked!!!!

Oh yeah, smarty pants. I don’t know what to do now. Went to see my co worker and told her the situation, she said, "oh no biggy, do you have triple A (AAA), Call them" I said, "the number is in my purse, and purse is in my car." She said, “call 411." "Smart", I thought.

I called 411, got the number for AAA, I called AAA, and explained the situation, expecting the operator would laugh at me, but nope...she didn't. She got the situation and within few minutes, AAA guy was at my work's parking lot. He used a bag in between my car's passenger door and door wall. He filled air in the bag by pumping the air puncture. With in few seconds door was a little loses, he put a wire in it, and in few more seconds the door was unlocked. Car was still on, keys were in ignition. I turned the car off, took keys out and boom!!! Done!

This whole process took less than 15 minutes. I was damn impressed. Hee hee Well, I had never gone through similar situation in my life, not even in India. Oh that put ideas in my head...

Now if I imagine the same situation in India, it probably will be the funniest, weird and crazy. Okay let's imagine the same situation:

I parked my car, went in to the office, clocked in and suddenly realized that I forgot car keys inside the locked car. The second I would utter these words out of my mouth, rest of the staff will start laughing at me. They will call me stupid, yedi, dimaag kharaab hua hai etc etc. Finally, if I will get a chance to ask someone about what to do with car now, I will get suggestion of breaking the glass or pulling the door so it might pop up open. When I will refuse these crazy tricks, they all will walk to parking lot and will make a group around my car, leaving behind their important work and life. The space will feel crowded so much that my baby car will have no breathing space. Some one will suddenly start pounding on door hoping it would open. I will have to jump up to stop him. Then within few minutes, stories of someone's aunt's son or uncle's daughter etc etc will eat my brain. These stories will contain nothing but some stupid mistake made by other people in their innocence. These stories will make me feel more stupid and I will finally give up. By the time it will be 11 AM, everyone's tea time. Everyone will leave me wondering what the heck happened, and what to do now!!! Then some security guard or laborer kind of person will give me suggestion that I should call his uncle's brother's son's grand daughter's husband as he is a key maker and will open my car with master key. I would surely do so without thinking.

By this time car would be sounding awful cos battery will be getting dead. In a while someone will tell me to call emergency vehicle, some copy of AAA stuff in Mumbai. I will call that and they will inform me to be there in 5 minutes. Two hours later when my car's battery and gas will be done, I would be informed that car is not running anymore. I will try to concentrate on my work, leaving car worry to my co-workers. By then it is lunch time. I want to do some work but nothing will be manageable...I will then wait for either key guy or copy of AAA company.

5 hours later and after 20,000 phone calls key guy and copy of AAA will show up in the office parking lot at the same time and complaining the hardship of their life. Key man will have a deep argument that he reached first so he should be allowed to perform his tricks on my car and copy of AAA will fight with him stating that he reached before him. Finally I would decide that key man should leave and copy of AAA should fix the problem. Now new fight will start that I had called key man and I wasted his time so I should pay him blah blah amount of money cos he came to help me. Finally after negotiations and arguments I will pay him something to leave my life alone.

Now, copy of AAA will give me his price for the day instead of his price for the job. New negotiations and new arguments will start, obviously other party will win. They will open my door while scratching my car door and making it mess around my car. I finally will get my keys after 7/8 hours of struggle, arguments, annoying behavior and negotiations. Now I will try to turn ignition on. Due to dead car battery, it won't start, and I will ask the copy of AAA to jump it. He will say that I didn’t ask for jump cables so he didn't bring any jump cables....by the time it will be the end of office day. My all co-workers will join me in finding jump cables. Finally one of my co-worker will go to market and will buy me new jump cables. I will jump my car and finally after wasting a lot of money, time, energy...and basically all day I will drive through crowded streets of Mumbai only to find that the spare key of my car is in my office drawer, not at home.

Now you know what happens when we think too much :-P

:-)) Live life king size…

VJ

"More you have the 'moment', fast you overcome the past...."


Life just happen to all of us!

Need to write, but have no time. I feel that its easy tweeting and checking others blogs on blackberry, but writing my own post is a bit big deal for me...oh well!!

So here is the update for self and all...I am drained of working. I have been working double and at times, triple shifts. Did I hear why? Oh come on, I need money and I need to run away from so many emotional issues...;-) hee hee well its true somewhere...

The real truth is I know today I have these days in my hands to work and I have physical power to take two three shifts so I rather work as much as I can, who have seen tomorrow? And also, I need to visit India and need some extra cash in hand...simple!!

I know legally I shouldn't be working at one job more than 8 hours a day or may be 10 hours max, but I am on three different jobs and this is why I can do it :-) seriously not that I want to do it all the time, but positively if I see my options they are limited. Working with limited options is always been my specialty.

Today, I had to promise myself not to take more than one shift a day for at least a week, why? Simply because my body has started giving up and it needs rest. I need so many days, when I don't have to get up for something, for not to be there for others, for just sit in bed and spend all day or all night chatting with friends, writing and above all,let myself be...Also for coming up court date, I need peaceful mind so I can think without stress. Over all...I need a break!!! And for that I have to promise myself so I take care of myself.

hugs to self...(at work, gotta go!)

I lost one whole year, because my country doesn't know how to process paperwork fast and this country doesn't understand the need of others....All this is called cooperative world. Now wait is over, and I am back to zero to start a new year from scratch.

VJ

Often I want to be the kind of person I am becoming, but at times, I want to be what is known as "green grass on the other side"

I am a very independent, smart and passionate person who work towards her goals every single second of her life. Then comes days like today, when I want to have babies, and a partner and a life, which is the life on the grass at other side.

I control these urges, to be precise, I suppress these emotions. I do know why, because I don't want to be dependent on anyone, any which way: emotionally, physically, financially and/or psychologically. I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to lose once again. I don't want to gain something, which I will cry for, for lifetime....I am done with all that. I shouldn't be there anymore. I am not going to be there, not any more.

ah!!! Hazaaro khwaishein aisi ki har khwaish pe dam nikle...

Ranting is fun at times....

Vim

So here how it goes. I went to Cri-Help's No Ho center (oh it has memories) and I waited...wel yeah most of the time....for those peeps to use me as volunteer and I guess either they don't need free help or they have no idea what is it means to be volunteer.


Conversation between from desk and moi:

Moi - Hey, my name is blah blah and I'm interested in volunteering with your group.

Front desk - huh? What do you want?

Moi - I want to volunteer (super slow) with your group.

Front Desk - Oh I see...ok ok. One sec...

(he does nothing, just sit and stare at me...may be he was thinking)

Front Desk - Ok, can you please wait over there (points towards couch) and I will let her (points towards a lady behind him) speak with you.

Moi - Thank you.

(I walked towards couch and sat over there. Mean while many strange faces, weird looking people walked by me...some even wished me hello and some just stared at me.)

10 minutes.....

Front Desk - Madam.... (I guess he called moi)

Moi - Yes...

(I got up and walked to the front desk)

Front Desk - Mr. Rick is going to speak with you in a while, please wait...

(OKAY....Funny....)

Moi - Thank you

(I went back to couch and started reading LA Weekly. Again, people, smiles, stares, expressions and I was lost in to that evening when I first entered inside that building...with HIM, for HIM....what a night that was, full of tears and full of hopes.)

10 minutes later...

Front Desk - Madam....

(this time I refused to get up and replied to front desk guy from couch)

Moi - Yes...

Front Desk - Mr. Rick is not around for some reason, but he is around (huh?) I mean he is not gone for the day. Do you want to wait or may be you want to leave.....?

(I went up to him and he repeated his words again.)

Moi - Here is my name and phone number, I live around the corner, please have him call me or you call me and let me know if you want me to come and meet.

(now he is confused - I guess he wasn't taught this part of expression in his training)

Front Desk - Hmmmmm

Moi - oh well, do you want me to wait?

(his face is all smiled up)

Front Desk - Yes please, I mean if you can?

Moi - How much time will it take?

Front Desk - May be 5 or 10 minutes....

Moi - Okay, I guess I can wait that long.

(I went back to couch and started writing this post. 5 minutes later a guy came by and started talking to others standing close to the couch I was sitting at. Suddenly he looked at me and in between his talks with others he introduced himself)

5 Minutes...

Man - Hi, my name is Rick.

Moi - Hi Rick, my name is blah blah...

Rick - So how can I help you?

Moi - Well, I am blah blah blah and I want to volunteer with your group. I am really interested in working with adults in recovery from substance abuse.

Rick - Oh that is nice but we have internship program but don't have any program for free volunteers....you can join the course 'substance abuse counseling' and I will help you get into our internship...

Moi - Blah blah blah...thank you!!

I left.

I was confused as their website says "WORK WITH US" but when I went there they needed no help...weird. Saala, log free ki help tak nahin le sakte...blah blah blah....

I reached home and my lovely neighbor who was trying to read something, was sitting outside her room. I asked her how she was doing and she asked the same to moi. I tried my Spanish with her and she tried her English with me. I appreciated her little kitchen garden by kept saying bonita, bonito, gracious...blah blah blah....and suddenly she got up and gave me a lovely plant with pot and pot holder for moi casa (my house) I refused many times but she was kept saying 'for tu casa...tu casa...' And I remembered how I felt when I wanted to give my free services to someone and others refused...so I took it and put it on my dining table...It actually look cute up there.

Now Moi casa is Bonita ;-)

So I crossed a red light (signal man!!!) second time in my life. Nah, didn't get any ticket yet...I am sure I wont get any either. I am sure cos though it was a big signal, but not too crowded and no cameras flashed on moi :-D I didn't get any ticket last time either and it was also a mistake to cross red signal...oh well aadmi galtiyon ka putla hai na. Err is human after all.

I didn't mean to cross it but I was again, yes AGAIN busy replying a stupid email while driving...and here I went away on red signal. The second I realized what I have done, I slowed down in the middle of the cross section and then drove by. Later, I had my eyes kinda fixed on rear view mirror to see if some cop car is coming after me...!! Thank you Lord for saving me tonight, but...yeh saale mail mein bhi bhejte hai na ticket...which I am sure I won't get :-))))

hee hee

I am not a good person, I know :-P

Chalo yeh bhi sahi.