India - My Life within and without

So its the time of the year again - time to pay our thanks back and time to get our thanks...it is the Thanksgiving time!!

YAY!!!

Last year's Thanksgiving had somewhere different colors and hues in it, though this year it is not too skeptical, not too different!

Today is Wednesday, a day before Thanksgiving and I just came back home after celebrations. It was beautiful - four people sharing not just meal but happiness, smiles, wishes and love. It is just wonderful to have friends. Tomorrow, the actual day of thanksgiving, I will be relaxing (finally) at home for the first half of the day and second half I will enjoy yummy dinner with my kiddos...my work kids.

What is better than celebrating thanksgiving with those who I am thankful to - for my today's life, for their love and their passion and for all the smiles and choices I discover with them...what better way to celebrate a day full of happiness than to be with my little kids and their world? May lord give tons of happiness and smiles and of-course peace to all teenagers.

My special thanks for this year are for Sia, P and S...without them I would have been still floating in a weird river...Thank you for helping me find my path, thank you for being there and Thank you for being yourselves...May lord bless you with more love and happiness. Amen!!!

And wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving as well...just remember that life is beautiful.

Vim

I celebrated Diwali alone today despite the fact I had choices and chances to celebrate with people I know well, and despite I hate celebrating festivals alone. I just wanted to be alone.


It was my 4rth Diwali in the US, and 2nd alone without my ex. No, I didn't miss HIM and I'm happy about it. I refused to celebrate with others cos I didn't feel like being with anyone. I was stressed due to various reasons and loneliness was easy way out. I went to Gurudwara and came back in few minutes cos I wanted to.



Well, I have just now confessed some truth to myself. The truth is weird and it made me cry. Oh man, too much of truth. I'm scared of losing my culture, my religion and my existence of being Punjabi Indian female.


At my parents place we used to celebrate Diwali in a certain way, which was 50% typical way and rest 50% made up due to needs and usage. So basically, I got 50% of 'real' way of celebrating which got reduced when I started celebrating festivals on my own. I, obviously, added my flavor into it and today I didn't even celebrate 25% of the way I used to celebrate. I had enough money with God's grace for Diwali and enough time too, but I just didn't!

I slept in my bed until 4PM, escaping the truth that I need to do few things in order to celebrate festival. My biggest fear is that what if I lose the cultural effect of celebrations? What if I won't be able to pass the beautiful Indian heritage to my kids? I guess I needed a break to think and act with peace.


Then why am I so worried about it? I guess, I'm worried because I'm a very adaptable person and I have pretty much adapted American culture in last 6 years (few I lived here and few were due to my ex husband, who is born and raised in America). The way I work, eat, cook, live and do pretty much anything in life is more American than Indian. Reason? Its easy way to do things once you live and work in this country. I was never a typical Indian girl back home so it was easy to gel in to this world once I understood it.


Today while reading "the gori wife life" blog I figured out that why was I so lousy and scared of my own festivals. Few days ago my status message was "diwali kaiku aali re baba" which means why is Diwali coming!!! I don't want to face that I already have lost parts of my culture and heritage and in coming years I might loose more if I won't start saving it. The basic problem is no matter how hard I try I will lose bits and parts of my culture due to over exposure of this culture.


When I first met my ex-in-law family, I was surprised to see the double standard life even with their sons. I noticed that they chose to be like that as they weren't sure how to introduce their kids to Indian culture and also if kids will accept their culture or not. I often thought that may be they were somewhere ashamed of their heritage, or may be not....can't say!


Then I noticed many first and second generations from South Asian behaving same way especially who were less educated/less exposed to western culture before they moved here. Make sense, I guess. That time I decided not to lose my culture's best part and give that beautiful gift to my kids. I haven't lost much and hope when I will give birth to my kiddos and when I raise my kids, I still have those beautiful parts of my culture embedded in me. Amen!!!


Life is strange. Somewhere I want to be a gypsy and somewhere I want to hold on to my roots tightly!

Today is Raksha Bandhan day. It’s an Indian festival of siblings (brother & Sister) Raksha Bandhan aka Rakhi literally means 'A knot of protection' The celebrations includes a prayer by sister for her brother's long and successful life, while saying the prayer she ties a thread which is called Rakhi, around her brother's wrist and in return he promises to save and protect her from all evils of the world. This is also the day to grab the biggest gift ever from older brothers hee hee or so I used to do.

I have been living away from my brother for over 15 year. I don't tie Rakhi to my brother any more, no specific reason but may be cos I have been away for long time or may be….oh well who cares for the reason. The virtual knot has always been so strong between me and veerji (my older brother) that we don't need a Rakhi to call ourselves brother and sister or to pray and protect each other. Also Didi (my older sister) is always there to tie a physical Rakhi from my side to my veerji too na :-)))

Rakhi has always been my favorite festival. When I was a little young girl, living with my parents, I always was overly excited for Raksha Bandhan, always over whelmed for this festival. I always wanted new cloths on Raksha Bandhan, no matter if it’s expensive or cheap; it just has to be new. I always bought the most beautiful Rakhi in town, the best of sweets and awesome gifts for my brother. Well, that was past, presently, in today, where I am living a hectic and crazy fun life, where I am lazy and lousy, here I seriously forget to buy the Rakhi and also forget the exact date of the festival. And on top of all of that, this year I forgot to send Rakhi to my brother and had to send it over night at very last minute. I don't always send Rakhi to my bro, but once in a while I do so. It makes me feel good. Today, I called him and talked to my family. This call is like a ritual for me, for years.

This year due to my hectic life style and emotional fun times, I forgot to buy Rakhi for myself as well. Yeah, for me...you read it right...for myself. Oh well this has a story behind it.

Years ago, I saw Mummy tying a Rakhi to her God's picture and this was repeated year after year. One fine day I asked her the reason behind it and she told me that God is the biggest protector of all who save everybody. I agreed to it. She also stated that since her brothers live far from her so it’s nice to tie a Rakhi to someone we trust and love. I took that small lesson in my life. When I moved out of my parents place for my hostel then I started tying Rakhi to the statue of Shiva which my brother gave me. Each year while tying new Rakhi to the statue, I took old one out and started tying it on my wrist. Then few years ago I started buying a new Rakhi for myself, which I tie each year on my wrist by myself. Today, I am wearing a new Rakhi on my wrist. Truthfully, I really like the idea. Now who could be the biggest protector of me than me? Who could I trust and love the most beyond myself...hai na :-)))))))
Happy Rakshi Bandhan to all Brothers and sisters.

March 27, 2009 wasn't any other day this year. It was also not any other birthday either. This year, after years, my day was full of fun, freedom, love, dreams and excitement. It started while four funky girls, driving to the sin city, followed by a lovely, such a cute email from Steve, my wonderful professor of photography and then by my sweetheart brother. Steve didn't even know it was my birthday, but my brother knew it. While Steve told me that I have strong personality, energy and drive in me and how I am able to achieve my goals if I wish to, and my awesome brother ever, sent me a scanned painting made by my little boy, Gandharv, and also script of a play, which he thinks I should direct for his theater group. I was overwhelmed with these two lovely wishes, and with encouragement these wishes brought to me, but girls knows how to read the emotions and my beautiful girls screamed out loud in the car, wishing me a birthday at mid-night and those emotional blues just ran away.. It was a wishful start, many would feel envy.


Vegas was planned for my birthday by little Q. Not many were invited to join, only Syun and liz...someone else was also invited but he refused, which I don't regret et all. Just a one day trip to sin city - Vegas was more refreshing than days off. Sin city AKA Las Vegas was nothing but fun and full of craziness. I enjoyed it as much as I allowed myself to enjoy. It is possible to go wild there without judgmental thoughts, without expectations and with fcuked up mind. I am happy I gave a chance to myself for controlling the impulses, and to control the expectations. Nothing like living within self-control. Bless thy power within!


Now-a-days being overly attracted to astrology, I started checking my birthday horoscope while all girls were resting. It said that my moon and sun position is at exact same position as it was at when I was born. Was it some kind of joke? Or is my new phase of life is starting up? I don't know the truth neither I'm aware of the future, Or of tomorrow's plan made by some upper power, but I'm sure and clear that a new life has started within my life. I truly trust that my one phase of life, which was harsh on me and on my mind has ended and a new phase is taking shape. Trust thy power!


Hmmm what else happened on my birthday? I actually don't know much, but I know I was happy, cheerful, wild, sexy, refreshed, peaceful and myself this year even though I have reached to a age where I should have a career, family and materialistic things. But hey, do I really care of not being stereotype or should I say that I don't damn give a shit about anything cos I am what I made myself. Well, anyways.....I did expect this one person's email saying two words 'happy birthday' but HE didn't email, and I hoped this another person in my life will give me a personal call on my birthday, he didn't either....life still didn't stop! LOL


To bring the end to these memories, these kind thoughts to myself, I can just hope that this 2009 will concentrate on career in Social Work, love within, love for the world, giving and taking spiritual energies, and making most of the moment, healthily and happily. amen!

Birthday...is gone, emotions are stuck in my sensitive heart!

~V

A blaze feeling, a bit lost thought and an emotion to do something in one go; but it came from her, so I accepted it right away. Although I didn't understand it well at that point, but over the weeks, I got excited about it and finally we reached to a point, where we realized that it was actually happening. By this time I was really curious to do it.

It was the night of Dec 30, 2008, when she sent me a text to pack my bags; as we will be leaving by 1:00 PM. I packed all I needed, did whatever I was supposed to and slept in peace, dreaming about a new city, new experience.

Dec 31st, around 12.15 PM, she called and said, “I will be there soon, be ready”. I was thrilled, a long drive, a journey and most important, I will be out of LA for THAT mid-night. I was waiting eagerly when she reached to my place at around 2.00 PM. We kept our bags and other stuff in the car and without any doubt, we just left...I started driving, and we were on highway 5 within few minutes, going towards North California.

Ms. Dhano, her GPS, informed us that we will be there by 8.33. No problem. We will be there on time, and if we drive fast, we will reach early enough to get dressed on time. Almost after 2 hour of drive, we noticed the time on Dhano was different, it stated 9.20 PM, panicky feeling started coming in. She was a bit nervous and I was a bit relaxed as I was on driving seat...

SHOOT!!!! the cars in front were stopped, it was crowded and I-5 was pretty blocked. We got stuck, the bad traffic took another hour or so. Dhano informed us that we will reach there by 10.28. We looked at each other and decided not to get worried, although we were really sad. We took a small break, went to restroom and she started driving. It was all well until we noticed that its getting hard to cover 6 hour journey in exact 8 hours. The level of rush went up again.

Through out the way music was fun, company was great. In between road suddenly looked empty, so she started driving at almost 90+ dangerous speeds, but safely. We were in contact with those acquaintances, who were taking us out for party. According to them, late comers should reach directly to the party. Then came that idea, from me, but we both agreed on it. We knew that we can’t make it on time anymore, so we took a stopover at a motel/inn. We impressed that Indian owner, paid her 30 bucks and used the motel room. We changed, got dressed into our sexy dresses, high heels and beautiful makeup. Within 35-40 minutes, we were back on the road, driving to SFO.

At this point, traffic wasn't bad, but we still had to cover one and half hour journey in an hour, just to make it on time. Finally, we touched the city at 11.30 PM. We still had 10-15 minutes to play with, but luckily the destination was only 5 minutes away. We were done with being mad, angry, sad and disappointed. At this moment we just wanted to be out of car before it hits 00:00 and a new year starts. We were in front of the house, our destination, but we couldn't find any parking. We had to go around twice, to find a safe parking spot. While going around, she saw her friends; another 5 minutes were gone with hellos and Hi etc. They helped us park, with leaving a hardcore mark on the back bumper.

Suddenly there were sounds, fireworks and we looked at each other...”Happy New year 2009”, we all were screaming in one voice. People living around the houses came in to their balconies and joined us in screaming, the New Year wishes. The New Year was here, and we were in San Francisco.

Later, we had some funny conversations, some fanatical stuff, and some really stupid acts as well. But this kind of welcome to a New Year was my first experience, and I must say, I don’t regret that moment at all, just because, I was with a wonderful friend. I realized at that moment about how important the friendship becomes in our life, and how precious our friend are, to many of us. Living this unexpected, bizarre moments, gave me an uncanny grown-up feeling, which will stay with me forever and ever!

Dear Known, Unknown reader,

Wish you the best of 2009. Hope this year is better than previous years. Have fun. Stay connected.

Share and Enjoy, life!

VJ

Today is the first Thanksgiving after I have started living away from HIM; it felt bad, a bit, but only for few moments. I had a fun time last night with a friend, few queries and many thoughts to share.

I woke up in the morning, with lazy feel as if its another day. It actually was, for me...or say for resistant Indian - American me. I made Kheer for my work kids, reached at work and cooked more stuff. Kids were excited, cos its thanksgiving, its the best time of the year, fun time, family time, harvest time and Holiday time; when the time came to eat, the family dinner, it wasn't even a family. Few kids ate, few slept on the floor & couch and few refused to eat, it was just a shelter for homeless kids.

A 16 year old kid was invited by his brother for dinner at his place, and he was so looking forward to it. Around 9 he came back, I asked him excitedly about his good time with family....he said that family was not even there. I was speechless, I said nothing but made him plate of dinner with turkey, yams, cranberry, kheer, pie and all we made for the special day...He ate quietly, probably hoping to have a thanksgiving dinner with his family, some day.

I was invited by a friend for dinner at her place. I took an hour off and went to see her and her grand ma. I was happy that someone, at least someone invited me for thanksgiving dinner. It was a good feeling, but I didn't even eat at her place, met her, had few words about life, gave her wine and went back to work. I missed my family and remembered that they haven't called me since long long time. I haven't called them either. I won't call this time...I want to feel that they want me, I want them to miss me, so they feel my pain at least once in life time.

Family, Friends, Love, and sharing...this is what thanksgiving is all about to me. I gave whatever was possible for me to give, and I still give whatever I am able of, but.......

Why do we refuse to give; love, care and feelings. Why don't we just understand that the person in front needs the same love and care, as you? Why? Why can’t we just live and let live? Why? Why can't we be just ourselves and stop the hate?

Right now, thinking of my work kids, I am wishing and hoping that I have a big home (house) and I have the ability to raise many kids; nicely; happily; positively and without any predictions...just living!

Amen!

Today is Thanksgiving day in USA, Thanksgiving day is also known as day of Turkey, a long Weekend and a weekend for Family meet in US & today...November 22, 2007, Snehal is sleeping after his car race experience and am on net, once again.

Actually I don't have much idea about exact history of Thanksgiving, but as much as I could understood, its a day when people pay their thanks to Pilgrims and to their families. And to enjoy this day most of Americans spend this time with their family and enjoy long weekend with them, they all cook food together, eat together and relax together. Its also known as paying Thanks to Pilgrims of Native Americans aka Native Indians. According to wikipedia Thanksgiving is: "Thanksgiving, or Thanksgiving Day, is a traditional North American holiday to give thanks for the things that one has at the conclusion of the harvest season. Thanksgiving is celebrated on the fourth Thursday of November in the United States and on the second Monday of October in Canada."

As much as I have known Americans, most of them are from all over the world. Around 200 years ago these people have chased Natives out of US and took everything of Real Americans and made US a new world of its own...its just funny for me cos both of these histories doesn't gel very well, at least for me.

Anyways as during the Thanksgiving, people visit their families & relatives and spend these 4 days with them, traveling becomes a big time business. People spend money on Travel and food, giving gifts are not very common during this time. Food which mostly include Turkey, mash potatoes with gravy, pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce, yams and rolls, get cooked & shared with family and friends. Actually this is a fun time cos you get to spend time with your relatives, you relax after hectic days of work and you cook and eat homemade tasty food...traditionally most people eat Turkey on this specific day...I observe a fast on every Thursday so I will not be able to eat anything but Snehal want to eat Turkey so most probably we will go to some restaurant where he can have turkey...Snehal being the American, feels exited about this Holiday & I being new to this country feels a bit strange but still exited about it. This is my second Thanks giving in US...last year we visited family friends but this year its just we two...and we are our family...yehhhhhhhh..........:)))

When you see all the world around you visiting their families, you tend to miss your parents and family. I am missing my family from Chandigarh today....its been so long that's I get to celebrated any festival or any function with them. Its nice that Americans have this holiday when you are kind of forced to meet your family, but we Indians being who are Family oriented, don't have such holiday. Actually most of Indian families live together as joint family, so they don't need any holiday of such kind. But I guess we will have to make one new holiday now for my kind of people who live apart from family on their own and alone...we also need time and break to see our parents. Well, I miss my parents today...very much, wish I could see them soon.